


The Commandments of Dean Winchester

by fatigued_fan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Blow Jobs, Cas is a twin, Castiel is Good With Children (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Castiel/Dean Winchester Mutual Pining, Complete, Dean Winchester Gets Therapy, Drunk Blow Jobs, Drunk Castiel (Supernatural), Drunk Dean Winchester, F/F, F/M, Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Good Parent Castiel (Supernatural), How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Lawyer Castiel (Supernatural), Lawyer Sam Winchester, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Dean Winchester, Skippable Smut, Slice of Life, Slow To Update, Smut, Sort Of, Teacher Dean Winchester, both are idiots, dean breaks his number one rule, mostly during midterm and exam season, probably out of character, tinder love triangle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:15:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 22
Words: 53,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27238669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatigued_fan/pseuds/fatigued_fan
Summary: The most important rule set by kindergarten teacher Dean Winchester is simple, truly it is. It has never led him astray, never let him down, and has always protected him from the ghosts of the past that just keep coming back to haunt him no matter how hard he tries to run away.He claims that this year his rule will remain. That is, until he meets District Attorney Castiel Novak and his five year old daughter Claire. As they worm their way into both his life and his heart, Dean has time to think.Maybe this rule is one that he can afford to break.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dorothy Baum/Charlie Bradbury, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 51
Kudos: 162





	1. Beginning Notes

Hey, so just a few notes before I actually begin writing and posting this fic.

I've never actually written supernatural fanfic before so this might seem really out of character and I apologize for that. I'm also in second year university with a double major and a minor on top of that (so a ton of work and classes) so updates will be incredibly slow, especially as I'm in that weird area between midterms and exams. 

In case you decide that you like my writing, feel to check out my completed Merlin fic- Merlin's Guide to Love and Murder or my ongoing Murdoch Mysteries fic- Cursed Mercy. 

As always comments are appreciated. Thanks again for giving this a chance!


	2. The Ten Commandments

1- Always treat the children as intelligent, emotional beings. 

2- When a child gets hurt in class, always give them a Band-Aid or a cup of water. 

3- Friday’s are movie days. 

4- The third Friday of every month is potluck day. 

5- Outside of work, don’t tell adults to do things like kindergartne rs.

6- Only have one drink at the bar. 

7- Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts their cakehole. 

8- No monkey suits unless absolutely necessary. 

9- Only eat rabbit food when forced to. 

10- NEVER sleep with a student’s parent, ever. 


	3. Singularity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooo, happy Halloween to those of you who enjoy celebrating it!

Kindergartners were a class of humans more alien than even the creatures that lived in the depths of the Marianas trench, that much was a fact. Some wandered into Dean Winchester’s classroom still wearing pull ups and eating their boogers while others wandered into his classroom knowing the alphabet, some numbers, and even how to write something akin to their name on a piece of paper. The sheer range of these children was enough to keep Dean wary and on his toes. 

His favourite students were those who fell squarely in the middle of the spectrum. They weren’t smart enough to ask him any kind of awkward life changing questions but they weren’t going to sit on the carpet and chew on the wooden building blocks teeming with bacteria. Perhaps he liked those children best because they tended to have the most well adjusted parents, the kind that paid just enough attention to their children to avoid being neglectful and not enough to become helicopter parents. Regardless of the kids and their parents, teaching was something Dean had truly found a passion for. 

Had you asked him as a child what he would end up doing at 28, the last thing on his list would have been becoming a kindergarten teacher at the prestigious Marymount Academy. But here he was, elbow deep in a box of classroom decorations while his best friend and fellow teacher Garth Fitzgerald helped him set up. 

“I can’t believe you still have Mr. Fizzles, man. It’s been like five years since we made this monster. Doesn’t it scare your students?” Dean asked, tossing the creature at Garth. Mr. Fizzles was simply a sock puppet, a red strip of yarn denoting a mouth and two Coraline-esque button eyes held on by faded string. 

“Dean, I teach high school history. My students are teenagers, some old sock puppet isn't going to scare them.” Garth chuckled, laying the puppet on one of the blue child sized desks. “Now that horrible long furby you made for your electrical engineering class might terrify them. That thing was the worst thing in our dorm and we both know it.”

“Wilhelm Von Grimmelstein is unsettling, I’ll admit that but that was kind of the whole point. We both know that doctor Emond was a massive dick so I don’t feel bad for freaking him out like I did.” Dean replied, rolling his eyes. “Anyway, pass me that giraffe.”

Garth shook his head in disbelief and handed Dean the paper giraffe, watching the other man tape it up on the wall to complete the classroom setup. The scruffy green carpet spread over the floor mimicked grass while the tops of the tables reflected the light like pools of water. The coat rack for the winter had been decorated like a coconut tree and a stuffed monkey swung from the branches, vines connecting the rack to the row of cubbies for students to put their shoes in. Every year Dean decorated his classroom with a different theme and this year just so happened to be in the theme of a tropical jungle. 

“You got a board ready for the tally of the number of moms that try and hit on you?” Garth chuckled, sitting on Dean’s desk and tossing an elastic band ball between his hands. 

“Naturally. It’s just under my paper with my ten commandments.” He replied, sliding the laminated sheet towards Garth. “Thought about adding a rule that says I won’t sleep with any coworkers afterwards, given what happened with me and Benny a few years ago.”

“That makes sense but I honestly don’t understand you at all. You whine about being so single and lonely all the time but you won’t try dating apps, you barely go out to bars, and you eliminate a valid pool of obviously eager participants by not sleeping with the parents of your students. Clearly you aren’t making things easy for yourself.” Garth mumbled, glancing down at the watch on his wrist. It was already half past noon and they had agreed that setting up would only take until eleven or so. 

“Well I would rather not compromise my morals, thank you very much. You know full well that I don’t want my students to suffer in case a personal relationship with their parents sours. Not only that but I don’t drink and you know I don’t like the idea of parading myself on a dating app like some prized pig at a county fair.” Dean muttered, the tone in his voice hovering somewhere between annoyance and warning. 

“Okay, okay, sorry…” Garth said, raising his hands in a gesture of defence. He had known that dating was a tuchy subject with Dean but somehow the line that he wasn’t supposed to cross always seemed to get nearer and nearer each time they broached the topic. 

“I know you are and it’s fine. Moving on, let’s get going. I want a shower and we need to clean our apartment.”

Garth nodded and picked up the now empty box of decorations, heading back out to their shared vehicle before they left the academy. 

~

In Castiel Novak’s experience, there were only two types of people who became lawyers. 

The first were rich kids who lived off of mommy and daddy’s money, the kind of kids who wanted to live a life of luxury and prestige. They found glory in the courtroom and a perverse thrill at lording their power over others. It was a flagrant and frankly disgusting abuse of power that left a sour taste in Castiel’s mouth. Sure, the power was nice and the money didn't hurt but their position was a special one and was certainly not meant for rich frat bros and sorority girls to invade and overhaul. 

The second kind were much better than the first. These people often came from nothing and worked incredibly hard to even make it into law school. It was their sense of determination that made Cas respect them, made him surround himself with them . Hard working and reliable, that’s who he needed on his team. 

Now Cas, he didn't quite fall into either category of lawyers and fancied himself a bit of a Frankenstein's monster. He came from money, that he couldn’t deny that, but he certainly didn’t let it influence his personality or his decisions regarding employment. Castiel was hardworking but more than that he was vicious in court, an opponent so formidable that he had earned the nickname “bulldog”. It was common knowledge for the defense to just accept the plea bargains and scurry away to avoid a battle in court that neither wanted. 

Being a lawyer had always been in the cards for Castiel, ever since he was a child and discovered his first book of law. His parents had nurtured his interest and they had the financial stability to send him to his first choice for law as well. What Cas hadn’t counted in was taking such a strong interest in criminal law and ending up at a prestigious firm as the district attorney. Life was funny that way, he supposed, choosing a path that not everyone would think was ideal. 

Life seemed to think that aside from being a lawyer, Cas would be an apt father. He tended to disagree, he couldn’t stand children, but regardless of his feelings he was given his daughter Claire when he was just twenty seven. Claire had been a total surprise, the last thing he had expected to hear out of his then girlfriend’s mouth and to say it had ended in a horrific dumpster fire would be an understatement. 

Not that it mattered, Claire was his life and he loved her deeply. Speaking of, here she was now running into his office. At five years old she hadn’t yet lost the chubby cheeks of youth and they puffed out in a wide grin as she tossed herself into Cas’ arms, her curly blonde hair bouncing around. “I missed you so much!”

Cas felt his usually somber depression split into a grin and he scooped her up, setting her on his hip. “I can tell that you did and I missed you too. Are you ready for your first day of kindergarten tomorrow?”

Claire nodded her head and settled down against Cas, content to rest in his arms. She always enjoyed cuddling with Cas and visiting him at work though she knew it may have to come to an end given her classes starting the next day. 

As Cas held her and talked, he felt his stomach drop and open like a singularity. His daughter was growing up and he hated it. 


	4. Morning Rituals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm trying to do Nanowrimo with this fic. Hopefully I can update daily but it'll depend on how heavy my course workload for school is.

Mornings had always been a struggle for Cas, even before he had a daughter. Now that Claire was around and just at the ripe old age where she decided to be grumpy about everything, things had gotten infinitely worse. 

The alarm rang like it did every morning at six am and Cas roused himself from his slumber, mindlessly trudging to the bathroom to wash away the fatigue with torrents of boiling hot water. His soap was Irish springs and watched with an almost dismal amusement as the suds sloughed off of him and down the train. 

What a metaphor for the human condition it was. 

Combing back his hair and stepping into his suit came next, neatly knotting his tie and inserting his cufflinks. Castiel was polished and precise, even if the messy mop of raven hair atop his head refused to be tamed by water and styling products alike. Afterwards he would shuffle down to the kitchen and flick on the electric kettle, scooping the instant coffee grinds into his mug before cutting up some fruit for Claire. 

Once the strawberries had been arranged alongside the yogurt on the kitchen table, Cas would make the trek back up the stairs and into Claire’s room. There she slept on her tiny bed, the blue and white plaid comforter swallowing her like a monster. Amusement always shone in Cas’ eyes when he entered Claire’s room. She could have followed the trends, had a room rife with pink frills and Barbie dolls but that was far from what had occurred. Instead of all the frilly accoutrements, there was plaid and Legos. A softball bat lay discarded by her closet and a few ballcaps hung on her bedposts. She was a tomboy and that was fine with Cas. 

Every morning he would sit himself on the edge of Claire's bed and lean down, pressing a gentle kiss on forehead. He would tell her it was time to wake up and she would curl close to him for just a moment, murmuring her sleepy hello before finally opening her eyes to the morning. Getting dressed was easy enough and Claire shuffled downstairs to eat her breakfast quietly, scooping up her teddy bear and her bag before heading off to the car.

A typical day would see Claire shipped off to her grandmother’s house but this was the first day of kindergarten and signaled a new change in routine. The drive to Marymount was short and sweet, Cas turning back to Claire once he had found a suitable parking lot. “So, this is new and scary but I know you can do it. Do you want me to walk you to your new classroom, cupcake?”

Claire, who had been under the impression that she was going to spend the day with Cas at school, froze. Panic spread across her face and for a moment, tears began to well in her blue eyes. The sheer terror running through her at the thought of having to leave Cas was enough to root her to her car seat. “I don’t want to go. Please don’t make me, daddy.”

“I know you don’t want to but we talked about this, Claire. You’re a big girl now and you have to go to school, that’s what the law says. I know you don’t want to be by yourself but we both know that you’ll make lots of friends.” Cas sighed as he got out of the car, unbuckling Claire and setting her against her hip. He knew the waterworks would start and he just prayed the teacher would be able to handle it so that he wasn’t late to work. 

“I still don’t want to. I’m scared.” She mumbled, squirming in his arms as she wrapped her arms around his neck. 

Claire’s teacher, Mr. Winchester, had come highly recommended as one of the best at the prestigious Marymount Academy so Castiel hoped the man was well equipped to deal with a crying four year old and however many other children were in the classroom. Cas had half a mind to wonder just what this Mr. Winchester was like seeing as male kindergarten teachers were quite rare. It was something about the statistics of teachers turning out to be perverts but Cas thought it was all bullshit regardless. 

The classroom was at the end of an entirely too long hallway and Cas sighed as he set Claire down, crouching down to her level. “Cupcake, I know you’re scared but it’s time for daddy to go to work. You have to be a big girl and go to school even if you don't want to. Who knows, maybe you’ll make some new friends and maybe your teacher is really nice?”

Claire shook her head and reached out to cling onto Cas’ leg, burying her face in the scratchy fabric of his slacks as she began to cry. “Don’t make me go, I don't want to!”

All of the commotion drew the attention of Dean and he stepped away from his other students to see what was going on. He didn’t pay much attention to the father but instead focused on the child he assumed was his student. 

The girl was cute as a button with curly blonde hair and freckles. Dean had a sneaking suspicion that she had a sharp tongue and bold personality which he knew would lend itself well to her success. This was a clear-cut example of separation anxiety and the fear of the unknown. Thankfully he had dealt with it a million times so he knew what to do. 

Crouching down to be eye-level with her, he drew her gaze away from her father and smiled softly. “You must be Claire, it’s really nice to meet you. I like your shirt, I’m wearing the same one.”

Claire sniffled and looked over at Dean, growing a little more comfortable when she saw that they were in fact wearing the exact same flannel. “You like flannels too?”

“I do,” Dean smiled as he offered her his hand. “Now if you come with me, you can pick out a stuffed animal. Everyone in this class gets one.”

Claire seemed to brighten at the mention of a stuffed animal and she took Dean's hand, walking away from Cas and allowing him to leave.

~

The district attorney’s office could be described in two simple words: effective chaos. 

Castiel’s office was meticulously organized, every single paper placed neatly at the corner of his desk and all of his pens organized by type and colour in the top drawer of his desk. A framed picture of himself and Claire at the dock of his cabin sat on his desk next to a small rainbow flag, an idea he may or may not have stolen from his late night binges of Brooklyn Nine Nine. There was a corkboard mounted on the wall and he used it to organize all of his casework and files for important cases within the court system. 

Outside of his office there was nothing but chaos. Lawyer upon lawyer had towering stacks of paper threatening to spill onto the floor and more often than not there were stray pens rolling across the floor towards the water cooler by the break room. The only other office belonged to Charlie Bradbury, assistant district attorney and Cas’ best friend since high-school. Charlie was a lot of things: chaotically gay, impulsive, loyal, and far too involved in Cas’ love life for his liking. 

By the time Cas made it into his office, the coffee in his travel had gone cold and Charlie was there with a fresh Styrofoam cup filled to the brim. “Soooo, you’re late today which never happens. You have a hard time with Claire this morning?”

“You could say that.” Cas sighed as he set his briefcase down and gratefully accepted the cup of coffee. “It was fine until she realized that she would have to leave me for the entire day and not be with her grandma. She hugged my leg and cried, it kind of broke my heart.”

“Well you do kind of baby her, no offence.” Charlie said, sitting on Cas’ desk. “But her being in class for so long every day means you have some more free time. You should try a dating app… or just dating in general.”

Cas sucked in a breath, biting the inside of his cheek so that he didn’t snap back at Charlie over her comment. Ever since things had ended with Amelia and Cas had finally accepted that he was gay, Charlie had been trying to coax him into getting back out there. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to get back on the dating horse, it was more that he wanted to look out for Claire. That and work kept him far too busy to worry about something as trivial as dating. 

“You know that I hate dating apps, they’re all useless and just for hookups. Yes, i know you’re going to say that I need a good hookup to get out of my slump but a hookup is just going to complicate things, especially if something happens and Claire happens to see him. I don't exactly feel like explaining to my five year old why her father is in bed with another man.”

“Dude, it’s not like she doesn’t already know that you’re gay so that isn’t an issue. I know all that shit with Amelia really fucked you up but I'm telling you that it really isn’t that big of a deal if Claire sees you happy and moving on. You owe it to Claire to try and have some semblance of a normal happy life.” Charlie sighed, running a hand through her hair. Honestly, Cas was just so damn stubborn sometimes. 

“Will you back off if I download one of those stupid apps and make a profile?” he sighed. It was just easier to give in to Charlie and much better than arguing with her over something as pointless as his love life. 

“I will back off if you make the profile and go on one date with someone.” She grinned. 

“Fine. One date with a guy.”


	5. The B Word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicate this chapter to deleting every app on your phone and still not having enough storage to redownload snapchat.

The first day of class was always the same for Dean, he made sure of it. In fact, he made sure every morning for his students was the same to establish a routine he knew would be beneficial to their growing noggins. 

On the first morning Dean would coax every child into his brightly decorated classroom with the promise of choosing a stuffed animal to represent them in class. There was a large clear plastic tub filled to brim with stuffies of all kinds; fantastical creatures mingled with batmen and spidermen and even the odd stuffed pancreas. Most of the girls chose the pretty creatures like unicorns or bunnies and the boys chose things like Batman or dragons. There was a usual split but all of that changed when Claire Novak walked into his classroom.

She was cute as a button when Dean finally saw her face and seeing that they wore the same shirt filled him with a happiness he hadn’t felt in a long time. Coaxing her away from who he assumed was her father, he led her to the Tupperware. “So, you can reach into this tub and choose any stuffie that you like. This suffice will be yours for the year and you can even take it home at the end of the year.”

Claire looked skeptical but leaned into the bin to sort through everything anyway. She dug past the unicorns and fairies, below the batmen and the spidermen, until she found her treasure. Said treasure was a long forgotten teddy bear with patches of fur missing and one of the black eyes replaced with a red button. 

“I like this one, he’s kind of ugly. I want to call him Harold.” Claire smiled, her tears long since forgotten. 

“Well then, you can keep Harold all year long.” Dean smiled as he ushered Claire to the empty seat at the last of the tables closest to his desk. 

He was intrigued by Claire's choice to say the least. Harold was threadbare and older than all of the other stuffies, the lone survivor from Dean’s very first year of teaching kindergarten. Claire choosing Harold meant she appreciated things that were worn down which Dean figured meant she had a sense of compassion much larger than that of the other children. 

The second indication that Claire was different came when Dean was introducing himself to the students and when the students were introducing themselves to him. Introductions were standard, simply their name along with their favourite colour and their favourite animal. 

Dean Winchester. Blue. Ravens. 

Many of the children chose very similar answers. Blue seemed popular for the boys and pink for the girls (though Dean knew that was just due to gender norms pushed on the kids by their parents) and most children seemed to like cats and dogs, a few mentioning just birds in general. 

Claire was different, yet again. She didn’t choose blue or pink but grey. Her reasoning was simple enough as she explained it to Dean and the others. Grey was in between a lot of different colours and it went with many things. It predicted rain or snow or stormy seas, all things Dean assumed that Claire enjoyed. Even Claire’s favourite animal was distinct in nature. Dean never would have assumed that Claire’s favourite animal was a honeybee. Sure she was cute and seemed sweet but a honeybee was so specific and so criminally underrated in Dean’s opinion. 

The third flag came during their first painting and colouring activity. Kindergartners weren’t known to be the neatest when it came to finger painting or to colouring in the lines with crayon, Dean having to remove several crayons from kids' noses and mouths within the first ten or so minutes. Now Claire was different from them yet again, in another way so noticeable even the other children saw. She asked for a brush during painting and coloured neatly inside the lines of her jungle themed colouring sheet. 

Dean knew the difference was noticeable enough for the other students and he steeled himself for the fact that there was more than likely going to be bullying. In his experience children were vicious little monsters to those who they saw as non-belonging and undeserving. He had seen it before with kindergartners but even before that, it had plagued his childhood like a strange recurring sickness.

Dean had never truly felt that sense of belonging everyone claimed was so important, not until college anyway. Even then it had been tenuous, feeling like only a few people had truly accepted him for all of his flaws. But that didn’t matter, not right now. He had a job he loved, a few good friends, a nice car, and only a fleeting sense that he was passing through his prime single and alone.   
This morbid sense of utter isolation was broken when he felt a small hand tug at his pants, glancing down to see one of his students. Her name was Alex, he remembered. Crouching down to her level, he noticed the level of outrage on her face and raised an eyebrow. What playground mishap had caused this?

“Mr. Winchester, Claire called me the B word!” She screeched, pointing over at Claire who was sitting on a bench with some other kids.

Dean raised an eyebrow and shook his head in disbelief. There was no way that Claire had gotten angry enough to actually call another student a bitch. Regardless, he had to check it out so he meandered his way over and sat down with the students. 

“Claire, can I talk with you? Alex just came and told me that you called her the b word. Is that true?” He asked, his tone gentle. The last thing he wanted to do was accuse Claire of something she didn't do and cause a scene or any further drama between them. 

Claire paused and turned to look at Dean, the expression on her face one of annoyance and exasperation. “She was being mean to me,” she said before she turned back to Alex. “And Motherfucker doesn’t start with a b.”

Dean’s eyes widened and he nearly choked on his spit, taking several moments to compose himself. His initial thought should have been to discipline both of the girls and explain why what they had done was wrong but instead he found himself impressed by the fact that Claire knew that swear word at 5. 

“Well, it sounds like both of you did something bad. Alex, being mean to people isn’t what we try to do here. If you want to make friends you have to be nice and accept people who might be different than you.” Dean explained. “And Claire, that word you used isn’t very nice. I know that you’re upset with Alex but there’s no need for you to call her a bad name. Can both of you please say that you’re sorry?”

It was abundantly clear that neither girl wanted to apologize but for the sake of going back to paying for what remained of recess they apologized. The apology was satisfactory enough and Dean left them alone after that. 

He couldn’t help but wonder what Claire’s father was like, to have let such a young child learn a word like that. Was he distant and neglectful or was he just lackadaisical and didn’t care about what his daughter said? Dean prayed that the man was just absentminded for him being neglectful was just too much. 

The rest of the day seemed to pass by in a blur of excited children and story time involving a rainbow scaled fish. As with most schools, the kindergartners were usually picked up by their parents right when school let out so Dean was there to say goodbye to every single one of his students. Unsurprisingly, Claire was the last student waiting for her parents to pick her up. It wasn’t unusual for parents to be late but judging by the way Claire’s eyes began to fill with tears, this wasn’t a normal occurrence. 

“Come on kiddo, let's go inside. You can help me do the drawings on the chalkboard while we wait for your parents.” Dean said as he took her hand leading her back into the classroom. 

“I just have a daddy.” She said, following him in and wiping her eyes with her sleeve. She tucked Harold under her arm and climbed onto a stool so she could reach the chalkboard, picking up the purple chalk to draw a flower. “He does work for the city. I think he said he’s a lawyer.”

“I see. Well, perhaps he was just busy at the office.” Dean suggested, lifting Claire up so she could reach more of the board.

“I hope so.”

~

The days for Castiel were long and often fruitless, his mind caught in the limbo of paperwork and legal jargon. Sometimes he wished the tidal wave of legal papers would sweep him off of the face of the earth and end his suffering. It was times like that that he remembered who he was doing all of this for: Claire. 

Before she had come along, he had been floundering away at work. His career was going nowhere and he was trapped in an unhappy relationship, unable to tear himself away from Claire’s mother and accept what he knew was true about him. Claire’s mother leaving had been a double edged sword, had lit a fire under his ass and propelled him forward. Everything he did now was so Claire could have the best of everything; the best school, the best food, and everything she could ever want. 

“Don’t you have a child to go pick up?” Charlie asked, her voice cutting through the fog Cas had lost himself in. 

Glancing up at the clock and realizing just how late it was, Cas muttered several curses under his breath before grabbing his keys and rushing out of the office. Claire was never going to forgive him for this, and what would her teacher think of him? Out of all the unsatisfactory outcomes, this was by far the worst of them. 

The drive was only about ten minutes and Cas rushed into the school to find Claire’s classroom, standing in the doorway. Claire was sitting on the teacher’s desk and the teacher was picking something up. Almost immediately the teacher noticed Cas and walked over, gripping his arm tightly and dragging him into the hallway before closing the door. 

“Mr. Novak, how nice of you to finally show up to pick up your child.” Dean said sharply, eyes narrowed as he stared Cas down. “I understand that you’re a lawyer and quite busy but that isn’t an excuse to be late and neglect your child. Additionally, I would like to speak with you about your daughter’s vocabulary. She called another child a motherfucker today and I think you should speak with her about that.”

Cas knew he should have been listening but he found himself intensely analyzing the man in front of him. The other man was a few inches taller than Cas with a crooked nose and freckles dotted across his face, what looked like strong large hands, pillowy lips, and the brightest green eyes he had ever seen. He seemed soft and kindly but something about him rubbed Cas the wrong way and he was on edge. 

“You know what, I am busy doing a hell of a lot for this district and keeping criminals off of the streets so I would appreciate it if you would show me some more respect.” Cas spat, his temper taking over. “I don’t babysit other people’s children for a living. And don’t ever presume that I neglect my daughter because I most certainly don’t. I don't know who you think you are but I pay for your salary and I can just as easily take my daughter somewhere else.” 

Dean raised an eyebrow and bit his lip as his eyes narrowed even further, not bothering to examine Cas. It was clear the man was arrogant and not only that but temperamental which didn’t bode well for Dean. He could see that Claire was obviously well cared for but the man would do good with being knocked down a peg...or three. 

“I understand that your job is prestigious and requires long hours but that isn’t an excuse for you to forget your daughter at school or to presume that you know me. You are not more important than I am despite our occupational differences and I think it would do you good to remember that. I understand that being a single father is a difficult task and that you don’t often have a good chance for release but please for the love of God go find a woman to sleep with so you aren’t so much of an insufferable jackass.” 

Cas’ eyes widened at how candid and frankly rude Dean was being. The level of unprofessionalism he was exhibiting was beyond acceptable. “Well, I certainly never expected Claire’s kindergarten teacher to have such a filthy mouth. I don’t particularly enjoy being talked down to and I certainly don’t need someone like you dictating what I should do in my spare time. If this had been anywhere else, I think I would find it necessary to take you elsewhere and teach you a lesson in proper behaviour.” 

“Well luckily for you, I don’t exactly swing for your type and I would NEVER sleep with a student’s parent.” Dean muttered, nostrils flared in indignation. Just who the hell did this guy think he was?! 

By then Claire had noticed Dean was gone and stuck her head outside the classroom, immediately beaming when she noticed Cas was there. She shuffled out, interrupting their argument and waited for Cas to pick her up and leave. It was silent until she got into the car and then she smiled, kicking her legs happily. 

“I don’t know about you, daddy, but I like Mr. Winchester.”


	6. It's a Match!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 15x18 has destroyed me. Have a new chapter while I process everything.

Dean’s apartment was cramped to say the least, though he would describe it more as a rundown hell portal in the middle of town. Two bedrooms the size of university dorms, a small bathroom with a shower that barely fit someone under five feet, and a living room so small it was hardly more than an extension of the kitchen. It was cheap which was nice, but it certainly wasn’t where Dean wanted to live until he inevitably died. Unfortunately for him, he knew putting a down payment on a house was near impossible on what he made during a year. 

Opening the door and shuffling inside, Dean kicked his shoes onto the welcome mat and tossed his bag onto the couch. He wasn’t a heathen, he knew not to wear shoes in a house. 

“You’re home awfully late, which parent did you piss off today?” Garth asked, looking up from where he was very unsuccessfully trying to make guacamole. They had a routine, the two of them. Garth would be home first and he would decide what they wanted for supper and when Dean arrived, he would help out and do the dishes afterwards. It was a good system though neither were particularly adept at keeping it on track. 

“Some asshole dad of a kid who is definitely going to be a handful.” Dean mumbled, shuffling into the kitchen and taking the butchered avocado away from Garth. “So she comes in and she chooses that really broken bear as her stuffie which is red flag one. Then she says that she likes grey and that her favourite animal is a honeybee so I’m immediately like are her parents hippies or something? They’re not, in case you were wondering.”

“Okay, this is already a little weird but something tells me it’s gonna get even worse.” Garth said, swiping a lime to juice it. 

“Oh it does. Some student came up to me crying that Claire called her a bitch. Naturally I go over and this kid, this tiny little five year old, says motherfucker doesn’t start with a b. I lost my fucking shit, Garth. I’ve never had a kid like this before.”

“She- oh my god.” Garth said, pausing before he began to laugh. “Dude, my high schoolers aren’t even this bad. That still doesn’t explain why you were so late getting home though.”

“That’s because of her father. So he was late picking her up and I went outside to talk with him. I’m not sure exactly what happened but I kind of told him needed to get laid so the stick would come out of his ass.”

“You did not…” Garth almost whispered, eyes wide with disbelief. 

“Oh I did. He kind of then made a comment about teaching me a lesson with like that dom eyebrow thing and oh my god I was kind of ready to let him.” Dean admitted, chewing his lip. “But I didn’t. I said he wasn’t my type and that I don’t sleep with the parents of my students and then he left.”

It took Garth several minutes to process wha Dean had said and by the end his eyebrow had been raised so high that it was practically trying to escape his face. “So what I’m gathering from that is that you think Claire’s dad is hot but also a right bastard who you can’t stand.”

“Pretty much.” Dean nodded. 

“Oookay, I think it’s time we got you on a dating app. It sounds like your right hand just isn’t cutting it anymore.” Garth said, snagging Dean’s phone. He didn’t wait for permission and downloaded tinder right off the bat, filling in all of Dean’s information. “You’re bi, right?”

“Yeah, last time I checked I was. But we both know it’s been a while since I’ve really had the chance to have fun.” Dean sighed, glancing over Garth’s shoulder to look at the screen. He hated the idea of dating apps, they were so stupid. Sure the hookups would be nice but Dean was finding that he wanted more than that as he got older. Twenty eight wasn’t that old but it was old enough for him to know hookups weren’t really his thing and that there were less and less eligible bachelors and bachelorette for him to choose from. 

“Okay, so setting that up. I’m adding pictures of you with your baby and that one of you with all of your tattoos showing cuz that one is kind of hot.” Garth explained. “Gonna put in your bio that you’re well traveled, like burgers and pie, and have a soft spot for Dr. Sexy.” 

“I would murder you for even putting that bit about doctor sexy in but you kind of pay for half of rent so maybe I won’t kill you just yet.” Dean sighed, taking his phone back. “So it’s right swipe for yes and left for no?”

“Yep.”

Dean nodded and took a deep breath before he began to swipe. It was mostly women at first and Dean swiped right on most of them, mainly the ones with dark hair and bright eyes. He had a type, he wasn’t ashamed to admit that. Now when it came to the men that appeared it was a different story. Dean was picky about his men, always had been. They had to look masculine and they had to have dark hair. Too many bad experiences with blonds had effectively ruined the hair colour for him. 

Most of them were unremarkable until he came to what he had decided would be the final swipe for the night. This man was something else, like some greek god come to life. Dark curling hair swept across his forehead and stormy blue eyes peered intensely at the camera, almost boring into Dean. A broad sloping nose gave way to what Dean assumed were incredibly soft lips and the man’s hands were incredible, long and rough with calluses. He didn’t bother to check the name or age or bio of the man, he simply swiped right with pure abandon. 

_ I _ **_t’s A Match!_ **

~

Wednesday nights at the Novak house had their own ritual, one Claire looked forward to every week. It had become so significant in her life that she called it family night. 

At four, Claire ran to the bathroom to wash her hands and managed to tie her hair back before she ran back into the itchen and climbed onto her stool. “So, what are we making today daddy?”

“Just spaghetti with garlic bread and salad, nothing fancy. Would you like to break up the lettuce?” He asked, sliding the head over as well as a bowl. Cooking with Claire was a tradition for him and one he would never give up. 

“Is uncle Jimmy coming tonight? And Auntie Charlie too?”

“Of course they are, you know they always do. Your grandma couldn’t make it this week but she promised that she would visit on friday to make up for it.” He smiled, dumping the pasta into the boiling water and shielding Claire with his hand in case the water splashed. Tossing the empty box in the trash he took out the bread and spread the mixture of garlic and butter on it. Garlic bread had been the first thing he had ever taught Claire how to make and it always pulled at his heartstrings. 

Claire seemed disappointed but that seemed to fade once she heard the doorbell and ran to answer it, practically jumping into Charlie’s arms when it was open. Charlie was short with bright red hair and freckles and Claire thought that she was absolutely the prettiest woman in existence. Not only that but Claire was fascinated by the concept of Charlie’s tattoos; how had Charlie gotten all that fancy art to stick on her skin forever? 

“Auntie Charlie, do you have a boyfriend yet? You’re too pretty not to have a boyfriend and you deserve cuddles.” Claire said, allowing Charlie to bring her into the kitchen. It was abundantly clear Claire had no idea that there were more options than just the opposite gender. 

Charlie raised an eyebrow and looked over at Cas as if to ask him why Claire didn’t know that she was a lesbian. What ensued was a four minute long conversation without words as Charlie and Cas exchanged looks. Cas thought it would confuse Claire but Charlie didn’t think so and essentially told Cas that she was going to educate Claire. 

“Here’s the thing about that, Claire,” Charlie began as she sat down. “Sometimes girls don’t have boyfriends and sometimes boys don’t have girlfriends. Girls can like girls and have girlfriends and boys can like boys and have boyfriends. People can even like both or neither or them.”

Claire furrowed her brow in the same manner as Cas and was silent for a few minutes before nodding her head slowly, seemingly having processed what was said. “Okay, that makes sense. Do you like girls?”

“I do.” Charlie nodded, pausing to braid Claire’s hair. The admission was simple and had gone off without a hitch so Charlie shot Cas a look of silent ‘I told you so’. 

“Okay. Do you have a girlfriend who gives you cuddles?”

Charlie just shook her head, not planning to say more on the matter. It wasn’t for lack of trying, it was just that being ghosted so many times had worn her down. Having to make the first move all the time only to be left opened meant she hardly had the capacity to think about trying. Hookups she could do, relationships not so much. 

A few minutes later, Claire’s uncle Jimmy arrived and she ran to greet him as well. She jumped into his arms like usual, grinning in satisfaction when he tucked a wildflower behind her ear. “Looks like someone had a good day. You have to stop growing, your dad was telling me you started kindergarten today.” 

“Yeah I did. I have a teacher named Mr. Winchester and he gaved me a teddy bear. His name is Harold, he’s kind of ugly but I love him. And there’s this mean girl named Alex and I called her a motherfucker.”

“Excuse me, you what?” Jimmy mumbled, eyes wide at the word that just fell out of Claire’s mouth. “Where on God’s green earth did you learn that word?”

“Daddy.” Claire smiled, batting her eyes to get out of trouble with Jimmy. It worked like a charm, it always had. 

“Is that really what you’re teaching your daughter, seriously?” He asked Cas, shaking his head in disbelief. “That’s going to get her in so much trouble at school.”

“Already has. Cas had a fight with her teacher.” Charlie grinned, her tone somewhere in between teasing and honest. Cas had ranted all about the fight to her, every minute detail and she knew far too much for her own good. “Based on what he said, he might have flirted with said teacher or just made him hate him. Either way, Cas has a thing for him. That much is obvious.” 

“Well that’s certainly news, he hasn't mentioned anyone important since Amelia and we both know how that went down.” Jimmy said, eyeing Cas suspiciously. 

“Not now, I’ll tell you later.” Cas said pointedly, gesturing to Claire behind her back. The last thing he wanted was for her to be there while he discussed what had happened. She didn’t know about her mother or Cas’ sexuality, and she certainly didn’t need to know about the way in which he had argued with her teacher. 

Jimmy just shrugged and turned back to Claire, helping her get the food on her plate before helping himself. These family suppers were usually informal affairs with Claire prattling on throughout all of it as if she were the only one in the room. Charlie would have a glass of wine and pass out on the couch with Claire and Jimmy would crack open a beer. He and Cas usually chatted until late and then Jimmy would head off. 

Claire was slouched in the chair and rubbing her distended stomach by the time the adults finished eating and she crankily held out her arms for Cas to pick her up and put her to bed. Curling up to him with her head on his shoulder, Claire murmured a sleepy “love you” before she passed out. Setting her in bed, Cas kissed her forehead and then returned to the group in the kitchen. 

“So, what exactly happened with the teacher?” Jimmy asked, pulling out his phone to swipe idly on tinder as he listened. Jimmy was the owner of a small bakery and cafe on mainstreet and had amassed quite a fan following from all of the members of the queer community. Jimmy had had plenty of matches but none had really gone anywhere after the first date. All people seemed to want was sex. 

“I was late picking up Claire and then her teacher pulled me into the hall, told me about what Claire had said. He insinuated that I wasn’t a good parent and that I needed to sleep with a woman to get the stick out of my ass. So I told him that he had a filthy mouth and had we been anywhere else I would have taught him a lesson.” Cas muttered. 

“You do realize that that comes across as you basically saying you want to top him, right?” Charlie said. “You don’t realize the power you hold over guys. They’re attracted to your like dom energy or some shit.” 

“Look, the guy is an ass and I don’t care what kind of vibes I’m giving off. I don’t like him and I don’t want to deal with it. The sexual tension you claim is a thing between us isn't actually a thing. Besides, I’m way too busy to even think about dating.” Cas sighed. The constant pressure to get back out there was just beginning to tire him out but he did remember the promise he had made Charlie. Judging by her look, she remembered it too. 

“Yeah but you promised and I kind of already made you a profile and might’ve swiped on like 8 guys already cuz I knew you wouldn't do it.” Charlie grinned, waving Cas’ phone in the air. 

Cas narrowed his eyes and snatched it from her, cradling it in his hands and taking a look at who he had matched with. None of the prospects were appealing until he reached the final man. 

Both he and Jimmy, though unknown to each other, swiped right on a man with emerald green eyes and a crooked grin.

**_It’s A Match!_ **


	7. Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's failing Nanowrimo? Me.

“So, how did the swiping go after we left?” Charlie asked, sliding a Styrofoam cup of coffee across Cas’ desk to him. She had been unable to stop thinking about him after she had revealed her sexuality to Claire and then crashed on Cas’ couch. The question was born of good natured curiosity and a general good will towards Cas, she wanted him to find someone and be happy. Judging by Claire's sudden interest in the whole swiping mechanism after Charlie had explained it to her, Claire was just as interested in finding Cas someone. 

“It didn’t.” He replied, pausing to take a sip of the burnt coffee. The heat burned at the back of his throat but he didn’t mind it in the slightest, it grounded him in the moment. “I matched with a few guys that you swiped and then one more guy before you passed out on my couch. There’s really no point in swiping, I don’t have the time for it right now.”

“Yeah yeah but I’m forcing you to deal with it anyways.” Charlie said as she swiped Cas’ phone, opening tinder so she could look at all of the hot matches he had. “Okay so you have the choice of Benny, a line cook at Eileen’s diner, Lee who owns one of the bars downtown, and then Dean who doesn’t have his job on tinder but he’s hot. He’s kind of like Amelia but a man and probably not as flaky.” 

At the mention of Amelia, Cas felt his muscles tense and he stiffened, glaring at Charlie until she offered a half hearted apology. “So you’re saying that the hot man is going to realize that he doesn’t actually love me and then leave me with a baby that I don’t even want?”

Charlie, while she wanted to sympathize with Cas, had had enough of his constant whining about Amelia. Yes, it had been incredibly hard for him, but it isn't an excuse for him to close himself off to the rest of the world. He would never be happy again if he continued to brick himself off from everyone else. This wasn’t the cask of Amontillado, he couldn’t just die and fade away from memory. His ghosts were not buried under the floorboards but instead across town and ever present in his life. “I know you hate what Amelia did and I know you didn't really want Claire but honestly Cas, stop the bullshit. You’re like a brother to me but seeing you so closed off and so unwilling to live your life is beginning to piss me off.”

“You’d be bitter if the woman you thought you loved left you for another man after she claimed you were gay and then left you with a baby you didn’t know how to care for. Wasn’t it Stevie who just upped and vanished on you without a word, too?” He muttered, a rising tone in his voice that portrayed his anger. 

“You do not get to talk about Stevie after the bullshit you pulled on me after that. By the way, Zachariah wants to see you in his office.” Charlie muttered before she left, walking briskly away from Cas before she ended up yelling at him. 

Rolling his eyes, Cas collected his papers and made his way to Zachariah’s office. Zachariah was the big man in the office, the boss who knew everything about everyone and wasn’t afraid to use it against them. He had what one would call a fierce reputation, not known for his pleasant summery personality. The office was cold and minimalistic, Cas comparing it to a barren jail cell as he knocked on the door to make his presence known. “Charlie said you wanted to see me.”

“I did, come in and have a seat.”

The legs squeaked against the floor as Cas slid the chair out and took a seat, on his best behavior. Zachariah had eyes like a hawk and the last thing he needed was any excuse for a writeup or for disciplinary action. “I take that this is for a new case the state wants us to prosecute, they haven’t been giving us too many lately.”

“It’s an incredibly important case and the state seems to think that out of all the district attorneys, you’re the most competent. You are my employee after all so that doesn’t surprise me. Tell me, what do you know about the Reapers?”

Cas simply quirked an eyebrow at the mention of the Reapers. That meant two things would happen. Firstly, he was getting the case because it would get messy and every other district attorney had already declined to work on it. Secondly, that the case was going to be a long drawn out pain in the ass which would require him to watch his back. 

“They’re the crime family operating downtown, they’re human traffickers and drug runners mostly. Coke if I remember correctly.” Cas replied. “I’ve been trying to prosecute their leader for years but she just keeps slipping through my fingers and back into the world. You finally get concrete charges on her or is this just going to be a major disappointment?” 

“Not exactly on her but on someone high up in her circle. Apparently they have him dead to rights on drug and gun running charges, there’s some allegations of prostituting minors too and potentially some arson. There was child abuse charges that stuck, man had two kids and got them taken away after what the files call a horrific transmutation of fatherhood.” Zachariah explained.

He slid the folder to Cas and leaned back while he read. The man who stood accused looked like a hardened criminal, dark eyes burning a hole through the paper and an expression sharper than a knife. It looked like his hands had been scarred and as Cas read his rap sheet, he felt a strange nausea creeping into his stomach. Among the convicted charges for assault with a deadly weapon, possession of an illegal substance, and multiple attempted homicides were the child abuse charges. Attached were transcripts of interviews with the children- both sons, one ten and the second six at the time of the first charges. Cas took a deep breath before he began to read the first page, needing to get a feel for the man he was to prosecute. 

_ K: It’s alright, dear. You and your brother are in a safe space now, you can talk freely. Can you tell me what you had to go through, what your father did to you? _

_ D: He never did nothin’ to my brother, just to me. He has a belt, it’s real thick and it really hurts. He hits my legs a lot and my back, says I ain’t listenin’ to him even when I am.  _

_ K: Does he do anything else to you? Does he make you do anything to other people? _

_ D: He makes me take this white stuff, I have to put it up my nose. It burns and I don’t like what it makes me do. My head hurts when I take it, I can’t think. He makes me meet his friends too and his friends aren’t very nice either, they grab me. I think they want me to do grown up stuff with them but I don’t want to do that.  _

Cas had to set the stack of transcript papers aside as he felt bile rise in his throat. Not only had this man physically abused his child but he had also given him drugs and more likely than not, forced him into some kind of prostitution. It was beyond disgusting and filled Cas with a white hot rage. 

“I'll take the case. How long do I have before this has to be moved to trial?” Cas asked, tucking the file under his arm. 

“At least a few months. They don't want to proceed until they’re absolutely sure that you’re ready to.” 

“Good. I’m not going to let this man walk.” Cas muttered before he left the office. 

John Winchester was going to pay for what he had done. 

~

Fridays for Dean’s kindergarten class were always the same. They would begin with sharing one thing they liked about the week and one thing they thought could be better and Dean would jot everything down. Children were brutally honest and it had allowed him to curate and tailor his curriculum to fit the specific group of kids he had every single year. Once opinions had been shared, he would commence with a show and tell and then end the day with snacks he had baked for the class. 

The children all left at the same time save for Claire which came as almost no surprise to Dean. He allowed her to help with the chalkboard again before letting her reorganize the blocks in the bin. Her father always coming late was becoming a bit of an annoyance and he shook his head, leaning against his desk.

He took his phone out and decided to open tinder again, taking a glance at his messages. There were plenty of matches which didn't surprise him and he selected one at random, the dark hair blue eyed man who had so captivated him the previous day. Turns out there was already a message and Dean couldn’t help but smile, some of his anxieties lifted. This whole dating thing was stressful enough but dating men filled him with more stress than women, a fact he attributed to his father and the upbringing he had had. 

The message was short and sweet. 

**Heard you like cherry pie. Good thing I’m a baker.**

Dean had been so unsure of mentioning his love of pie in the bio but apparently it had worked in his favor. Before he could think of a reply, he looked up to meet the piercing gaze of Claire’s father and he felt his mood sour. “I thought I told you not to be late again, I’m not a babysitter.”

Cas simply rolled his eyes, once again less than impressed with Dean and how he was acting. Now that he had had an unpleasant encounter with the man, he was far less enamored with his looks and now far more wary of who the man teaching his daughter was. “As of five minutes ago you weren’t a babysitter and are just a man that I’m speaking with. Now I’m not a fan of leaving situations in less than amicable ways so I think we could use a do-over.”

“A do-over from when you invalidated my job and publicly threatened to dominate me? I think I’ll pass, thank you.” Dean replied, crossing his arms over his chest again. Crossing his arms rumpled the fabric of his long sleeve and for just a moment, a sliver of tattoo was visible on his arm. 

Was that a wing? Or just a wavy line? Cas found himself wondering, leaning closer to try and peer at the ink on the other man’s skin. Tattoos were attractive, Cas was the first to admit that, so seeing what looked like them on the arms of Claire’s kindergarten teacher intrigued Cas all the more. More than that, it was the man’s hands. They were large and strong looking, flaked with tiny scars and calluses. Not to mention the size of the man’s fingers, long but thick and Cas felt a pinprick of heat in his stomach as he realized just what he was fantasizing about those fingers doing.

A sharp voice rang out and tore Cas away from his fantasy, reality crashing in around him. He had come closer to Dean than he should have, mere inches apart, and felt the man’s gaze on him. He wasn’t intimidated, it took far more than just a gaze to intimidate Cas, but he was embarrassed and stepped back. Dean repeated the question, less than impressed with Cas. “What exactly do you think you’re doing?”

“It’s highly unprofessional for a teacher to have tattoos, don’t you think?” Cas replied, doing his best to hide what he had been thinking of. 

“I think that it’s highly unprofessional and frankly careless for a father to be picking up his daughter so late after the end of school on multiple occasions within the span of a week. Perhaps you should think about allowing some other family member to pick Claire up, how about a grandmother or uncle?” Dean suggested. He hadn’t been oblivious to Cas staring at the tattoos that had poked outdoor had he missed Cas staring at his hands. The realization came as a gut punch to Dean and he almost grimaced at the thought. The lawyer had a thing for him, clearly a very unwanted thing judging by how annoyed he seemed and by how hostile all of their interactions had been. Out of all the people it could have been, the universe was deciding that an asshole lawyer with admittedly pretty eyes was going to be attracted to him. That was the biggest fuck you from the universe Dean could have received. 

“Yes, I suppose so.” Cas said as he scooped Claire up. Claire smiled and waved at Dean before they left, happy to be heading home to eat and cuddle with Cas. 

Dean shook his head and returned to his desk, glancing at his phone and raising an eyebrow. There was a message from an unknown number and it sent a thrill of terror through him. Unknown numbers were bad enough but that message only made it worse. 

**We need to talk, he’s back.**


	8. He came at night

_ The night was calm, an eerie kind of calm as if the universe itself was holding its breath with bated anticipation. Typically winds roared through the streets and violently tossed the leaves into the frigid air but tonight the leaves remained, crunching under the boots of a man shrouded in violence. A lone street lamp flickered weakly at the end of Horseshoe drive and the man’s thin lips turned up into a cruel smile. The light was weak, good would never prevail. Not here, not tonight.  _

_ Walking on the sidewalk, the man was careful not to step on any of the cracks. He didn’t worry about breaking his mother’s back for the bitch had been dead and buried for a number of years, though he did avoid the cracks for fear that the evil may seep up into the atmosphere and trap him.  _

_ Evil was a funny thing, so fickle to him. Was evil something so simple as a quick judgement on another person made in passing or was something so deeply disturbing that only the worst of the worst truly knew it? To him, evil was simply humanity. Humans were vile vicious creatures squabbling over bits and bobs that would ultimately serve no purpose once their meager lights had been extinguished. Evil lived within the hearts of every man, woman, and child and truly he knew that every person was capable of committing great atrocities if they were pushed too far over the edge. Humans had to die if evil was to be defeated, all humans.  _

_ Granted, the man knew that he was human and that it was hypocritical but he was different. He knew his true nature, how the evil had corrupted him, and he welcomed it. Carving up human bodies and truly discovering what made them human was something that truly brought him pleasure. Typically, a knife and a scalpel were all that he needed to enjoy himself but tonight was different. Tonight came the white hot heat of cleansing fire.  _

_ The house at the end of the drive was perfect, an all American dream. A white picket fence encircled the two story home and children’s toys littered the front yard. Trying the handle, the man found the front door unlocked and slipped inside. These people were so foolish, leaving their door open like that. If they weren’t careful, anyone could just walk in.  _

_ The home was furnished quite nicely and the man paused in the living room, picking up a picture and grinning to himself. They were such a perfect little family, a husband and wife with two little boys. Sam and Dean, he recalled. Those were the boys.  _

_ Making his way upstairs and entering the first door on the left, he came upon a wriggling baby in a nursery. Babies were such disgusting creatures, all pudgy wrinkles and angry squawking cries. He never understood how people could look at a baby and ever find them attractive or adorable. Reaching into the crib, the man retrieved the baby and turned around to face the woman who had entered the room. “You look well, Mary. I see time away from the family has really done you some good. Your little one is just the absolute cutest.” _

_ Mary, awoken by the commotion, had happened upon the man and without so much as a word she drew a gun and aimed it at his head. “I’m not going to let you hurt my family. Put my son down or I will shoot you right between your fucking eyes, Alastair.” _

_ “Oh, so kitty does have some claws still.” He laughed, setting the baby back down in the crib. “Your father isn’t very pleased with you, running off with that Winchester boy and abandoning us like that. He misses his little girl, he wants you back. Sent me to retrieve you.” _

_ “I’ll tell you what I told him; go fuck yourself. I would rather die than ever go back to that.” _

_ Alistair shook his head and took a step forward, a maniacal laugh ripping from his throat when he felt the barrel of the gun press flush with his forehead. “Oh, who do we have here? Isn’t he just the spitting image of you.” _

_ Mary paused and glanced down, eyes widening when she saw the curious eyes of her four year old son peeking out from behind her leg. “Dean, honey, can you take Sam and go outside. Mommy just needs to have a talk with this man. I promise I’ll be out in a few minutes.” _

_ Dean seemed confused but didn’t like the way the man was looking at him and he nodded his head, removing Sam from the crib and scurrying out of the room. Before he made it to the stairs, a shot rang out and he paused. Returning to the room, he saw his mother on the floor and Alastair standing over her. Dean watched Alastair bend down and drench some sort of fluid over his mother. He realized Alastair was grinning at him and before he knew what was happening, he was running out of the house with Sam in his arms and terror pounding in his heart.  _

_ It was only when he heard the fire trucks nearing their house and saw John run out of the house with blood on his nightshirt, he knew as much as a four year old could know that his mother was dead. Dean said nothing about that night as the police officers asked him what had happened, just held Sam tightly and vowed that he would never allow something like that to happen again.  _

Dean woke up with the last dregs of Mary’s name on his lips, heart racing like he had had too many energy drinks and a sheen of sweat sticking his t-shirt to his body. That had been the third nightmare that week and he was beginning to lose his mind. 

He didn’t have much time to think about the nightmare because he heard something out in the kitchen and his blood ran cold. The mysterious text, the nightmare, and the sounds in the kitchen were all too coincidental to be a coincidence. Coincidences were like accidents, they didn’t just happen accidentally. 

Grabbing the first heavy object he could find, which happened to be a thick hardcover copy of all of Edgar Allen Poe’s works, he crept into the kitchen. Whoever was in the kitchen heard Dean approach and stopped moving. 

“Look, I don't know who the hell you are but get the hell out of my kitchen before I call the cops.” Dean threatened, the waver in his voice giving away his nervousness. He felt his arm brush the intruder and without even thinking about what the consequences would be, he attacked the intruder. 

They tumbled to the floor and Dean felt the wind rush out of his lungs. Clearly the other person was larger than him and he managed to get them in some sort of hold, his survival instincts rushing through him. There was some more struggling until Garth turned on the lights and Dean’s eyes widened in shock at who was beneath him. 

“Sam?! What the fuck are you doing here?!” 

“Apparently being strangled by you.” Sam wheezed, pushing Dean off of him before sitting up and catching his breath. 

Dean’s reaction was somewhere in between wanting to run and hide and wanting to kick Sam out of his apartment. This was just too much for Dean’s brain to process and he almost short circuited. His tone was sharp and pissed off, years of trauma bubbling up to the surface.

“You ditch me to go to Stanford and then go radio silent for years and then you just show up in my apartment at two in the fucking morning? What the fuck, Sam? I made it pretty clear that I didn’t want to see you again if you went to Stanford.” Dean spat, glaring at him angrily. 

“Dad’s resurfaced.” Sam said simply, watching the realization bloom in Dean’s eyes and then watch all hope he had of a peaceful life die. 

“You sent me the text then, good to know.” Dean muttered. “And why does it matter that he’s back? We both made it perfectly clear that we would kill him on sight, well you did anyway. He’s out of our lives and we've both moved on, Sam. The last thing I want to think about right now is him and all of that fuckery he put us through.”

“He’s still involved in the Reapers, Dean. They caught him, he had some warrant out for his arrest for something unrelated. They’re going to try and flip him which means the D.A will get involved and then all of our fucked up childhood will be brought to the surface again. You are aware that they’ll come asking after us and if we give them anything they can use, the Reapers will murder us.” 

Dean was listening to Sam but soon the blood thundering in his ears grew too loud and he had to sit down, reaching for a glass of water and downing it to try and quell the rising panic in his throat. Everything had been fine, he had a job and was kind of thriving. Their childhood had been behind them but now, now it would be dredged up again and he would have to relive all of it. 

“I think it’s best you leave.” Garth said as he showed Sam the door and opened it, gesturing for Sam to get out. “I will go calm your brother down and then he can talk to you when he’s ready. That fair?”

Sam didn’t want to leave but nodded his head and turned away, shuffling out of the apartment. Dean looked like he was about to break and he glanced up at Garth, offering him a shaky smile. “Thanks man. I just- seeing Sam is a lot but hearing that is just making everything worse. I told myself that I was a different person, that I wouldn’t have to deal with all of this once I finished college but here it is back in my face again.”

Garth’s frown deepened and he helped Dean up, ushering him back into bed and covering up. “You know that I never push for information about your childhood because I know it’s personal and I won't push now. I am here to listen if you need someone to talk to and I will give you as much advice as I can or as much space as you need. You don’t have to go through this alone, Dean.”

~

Bedtime for Claire was an easy affair, it always had been. After supper Claire would wash up and change into her pajamas before crawling into her tiny bed. Cas would join her afterwards and stretch out, wrapping an arm around her before he grabbed a storybook to read her a bedtime story. 

That week Claire had worn her marvel pj’s and asked Cas to read from a book of fairytales. Typically she would fall asleep before the end of the fairytale but that was not the case this time. As they reached the end of Hansel and Gretel, Claire was still wide awake and she looked up at Cas. 

“It’s so sad that their mommy didn’t want them.” She frowned, snuggling closer to Cas. “My mommy wanted me, right? You said that she died, that that’s why I don’t have one. You wanted me too, right?”

Cas felt his heart sink into his stomach and absentmindedly he wondered if he could drown himself just to avoid answering Claire’s question. He knew the question was coming, it had been for some time. Claire had always been curious but Charlie’s explanation of sexualities had just made the questions a million times worse and about seven times more frequent than they had been beforehand. There were two options for Cas; one, he could lie and tell Claire that her mother wanted her and was dead or two, he could tell her the truth and watch the light die from Claire’s eyes. 

“Of course we both wanted you, cupcake.” He soothed, leaning down to kiss the top of her head before settling down with her. “You’ve been the best thing to ever happen to me. Now come on, you need to rest.”

Claire took the lie as absolute truth and smiled, falling asleep in Cas’ arms. He lay with her until he was absolutely sure that she was asleep before he slipped away to the living room, spreading out all of the files and information he had been given on John Winchester. 

The main focus was on the gang activity and Cas began to construct a timeline of everything that had occurred. He found the gang activity had commenced after November 22nd of about 24 years ago or so and that raised a few questions. Why was that day so significant to John Winchester? Digging in deeper he found an old newspaper clipping detailing a fire that broke out on horseshoe drive and a coroner’s report to a woman he concluded was John’s wife. He would need to do more research on this Mary Campbell as well as the fire and the family’s whereabouts after the fire. 

Try as Cas might, he couldn’t seem to escape the angle of child abuse and he found himself drawn to photos that had been included with the transcript. The child in the photos was fourteen now, not ten, and what Cas saw broke his heart. Large raised welts marred the front and back of the boy’s thighs and circular cigarette burns covered all of his arms. His nose was swollen, clearly broken, and it looked like three of the fingers on his left hand had been broken and not set properly. More than the actual physical wounds, it was the complete lack of life in the boy’s eyes. There was no smile either, nothing to show that he had been a kid. 

This kid was the key to the case, to getting the jury to convict John Winchester. All Cas needed to do was to track him down. He was coming for that boy, for D. Winchester. 


	9. Crumble and Flake

Nestled on the corner of Finch Street and Lark Avenue, there was a bakery. Not just any bakery though, for this was Crumble and Flake. Born out of the wild imagination of one James Novak, it was the hit spot in town. 

If you wanted a chocolate croissant and latte or even something as simple as a muffin and a chai tea, Crumble and Flake was the place to be. Cobblestones lined the outside and hand drawn chalk signs gave the bakery an air of authenticity the rest of the city was sorely lacking. Inside comfortable arm chairs were strewn around wooden tables and plants tastefully marked out the corners of the room. The menu was written out by hand and rotated every week, the drinks a staple though the baked goods constantly changed. 

Dean had been in there a few times and it was good so he wasn’t overly surprised when he texted Sam to meet him there for lunch. He went ahead and ordered a black coffee and a slice of cherry pie while he waited for Sam. Almost absentmindedly he wondered if tinder man, who he now affectionately called baby blue, made pie as good as this. 

“You uh, you really wanted to meet here?” Sam asked as he shuffled in with a briefcase in his hand and a monkey suit Dean thought made him look far too lanky. 

“They make good food and it’s a public place. Here you can’t spring any more shocks on me and here I can’t try and strangle you again.” He shrugged. “You should be happy I’m even talking to you after all the shit you pulled, last night and before included.” 

“I already apologized for last night and I’m not going to apologize for the past. It’s already over and neither of us ended up worse for it so don’t get all pissy and act like I abandoned you because I certainly never did.” Sam muttered, setting the briefcase down on the table and opening it. 

“So you were telling me last night that dad’s apparently back and some bigshot D.A is trying to prosecute him for gang related stuff. I don’t see what the big deal is, it’s not like he’s going to try and contact us and you weren’t involved in any of that stuff. Besides, don’t the laws say that our identities were protected because we were minors or something?”

“Well you were involved in all of the same stuff as dad was, you just weren't pursued for it cuz you were like fourteen. .The whole reason it’s an issue is because the D.A who’s pursuing this has all of the information about what dad did to us and our adoption and all of that. The guy’s going to look over everything and then try to track down S and D Winchester to see if he can get more information on dad and what he did. Getting a jury to convict some gang related scumbag is way easier if they’re aware that the scumbag was a child abuser.”

“So you think he’s going to try and talk to Karen and Bobby?” Dean asked, staring down into his coffee. The steam curled up to condense on his brow and for a moment Dean was back in another world, the dripping liquid reminiscent of a time he would much rather forget. 

“That would be the best next step, so yeah I do.” He sighed, running a hand through his shaggy hair. “I don’t think we should interfere with the investigation, it’s just going to make things messier. Besides, it would fuck with your job and it would fuck with my new job too.”

“You have a new job?” Dean asked, eyebrow raised as he glanced over to take Sam in. Of course he had a new job, the suit and the briefcase made so much more sense now! “You’re what, like 24 now? So that’s post undergrad which means you’re in law school and I’m assuming it’s some intern job or something?”

“I’m interning for this district’s’ D.A. Apparently he’s some like crazy scary hardass who knows his shit. If I read right he’s also gay which is cool.” Sam said, trying his best to hide is obvious excitement. He knew Dean felt about lawyers, particularly D.A’s and he didn’t want to thin the already sliver thin ice he was standing on. 

“Oh wow, a gay lawyer. How exciting.” Dean deadpanned, pausing to look at his phone. There was another text from baby blues and he couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips. The guy was sweet and smooth, plus being chiseled like some Michelangelo creation didn’t hurt either. 

“You’re smiling at your phone even after talking about lawyers and dad which isn’t normal. So who’s texting you?” Sam asked. Dean had never smiled like that about a text, not since Sam had seen him with a phone. Granted that was five years ago but still.. 

“Garth convinced me to download tinder so I would stop whining about being lonely and I’ve been texting this really sweet guy for a few weeks. He’s like Greek god handsome and apparently some amazing baker in town. I was kind of skeptical at first cuz dad and all the other stuff with me being a teacher but then I decided to just do it.” Dean explained, pausing again when he received another text. 

**J- Promise I’m not stalking you but I see you’re at Crumble and Flake. I heard the owner’s kind of hot.**

**D- Haven’t seen him but he can’t be as hot as you.**

Setting his phone down, Dean looked back up and he locked eyes with a man who was coming towards their table. He raised an eyebrow in confusion until the man got closer and that’s when he finally connected all of the dots. The hot baker he’d been talking to was right in front of him in the flesh, so close that Dean could smell the sugar and pie crust on him. “Well, I guess this explains why the cherry pie is so good.”

Jimmy couldn’t help but grin, wiping his floury hands on his apron before finally taking in Dean’s appearance. The man’s pictures hadn’t done him justice, not in the slightest. His eyes seemed greener than the grass and the smattering of freckles was akin to nutmeg thrown across pastry. Jimmy wanted to reach out and run his hand across the angles of Dean’s cheekbones, fascinated by the shape of his face. “I suppose it has to do with me. Anyhow, I’ll leave you two to it. We can catch up at a later date.”

With that Jimmy left and Sam looked confused. “Dude, that’s my boss.”

“What the fuck do you mean that that’s your boss?” Dean asked incredulously. “The dude’s a baker, not some aggressive district attorney. And there sure as hell aren’t two of them.”

“I’m telling you that’s my boss.” Sam insisted. 

“That doesn’t make sense. But he does look similar to someone else I know though I can’t quite put my finger on.” Dean sighed. 

“Whatever, it really doesn’t matter. Now is the best time to ask I guess, are you going to go see Karen and Bobby tomorrow? I am so if you are, we can just drive together.” Sam suggested, finishing off his own coffee. “You still have baby, right?”

“Really Sam, is that even a question? Obviously I still have baby.”

~

“Daddy, Uncle Jimmy’s at the door! I’m answering it!” Claire called as she climbed down from her chair and ran to the door, her half eaten waffle left drowning in syrup on the plate. It was a Saturday morning and Saturday mornings were for pajamas and waffles. Cas would flick the kettle on to boil the water for coffee before he would help Claire up onto the counter and let her assist with making the waffles, mainly adding the ingredients to the bowl and mixing the batter. If Jimmy was feeling particularly lonely he would come over for their brunch and today seemed to be one of those days. 

Jimmy was decked out in a faded shirt and jeans, a floury apron still strung around his waist. He scooped Claire up and ruffled her hair, feigning a struggle. “Lord, you're getting big. Soon enough you’ll have to pick me up instead.”

“Don’t be silly.” Claire laughed, letting Jimmy march her back to the kitchen. “Daddy says he wants to have a grownup talk with you, I’m going to go play in my room. Find me after.

With that Claire climbed down and scampered off to play, leaving Jimmy and Cas in the kitchen alone. Jimmy broke the silence first, chuckling at the cloud of flour dusting Cas’ hair. “I see Claire’s been trying to bake again. Looks like she’s getting mildly better.”

“Mildly being the key word here.” Cas chuckled dryly, shaking the flour out of his hair before offering Jimmy a cup of coffee. “I know this isn’t normally your weekend to watch Claire but I have to be somewhere tomorrow and I need someone to watch her since mom and dad are out of town right now. Also, I might need advice.”

“I would love to watch Claire tomorrow, I was going to ask if I could anyway so I could teach her how to bake bread.” Jimmy hummed, taking a seat on the table and stretching his legs out. “And you- Mr. I knoweverythingthereistoknow needs advice from me? I must be dreaming.”

“You’re not dreaming, I’m just- you know that I’m not good with emotions or dating or being an actual human being.” Cas muttered. “I need advice on a case and maybe on dating too.”

“On dating too? Who’s the lucky guy? And you don’t ever talk to me about cases so this must be pretty serious.” Jimmy said. “Seeing as we’re on the topic of dating, let me tell you about this guy I met because he’s literally perfect.”

“Alright, you first then. You’re the one with a dating life and my case is just going to ruin everything.” Cas sighed. 

“Okay, so his name is Dean and he’s so insanely gorgeous it’s not even funny. I’m talking like green eyes and freckles and insane jawline gorgeous. Not only that but he drives this beautiful car and I’m pretty sure he has tattoos and he’s apparently like crazy good with kids and can play the guitar.” Jimmy smiled. “I saw him at the bakery this morning and I kind of forgot how to talk.”

“Okay well that sounds really good, sounds like he’s a nice guy and the attractiveness is a bonus I suppose. I’m glad that you found someone decent after the whole disaster that was he who shall not be named.” Cas chuckled. “On the whole vein of dating, I need help with this guy I think I’m attracted to but who I can't stand personality wise.”

“I’m not going to question that, we both know your romantic tendencies aren’t exactly normal. So tell me why you think you’re attracted to him but why you also can’t stand him. Don’t let my psych degree go to waste.”

“Well he’s hot, that’s for sure. Kinda sounds similar to the guy you’re seeing but I doubt it means anything. He’s got these like long thick fingers and I might have fantasized about them while he was yelling at me for being late to pick Claire up. That and he screams bottom, like insanely screams bottom.” Cas hummed. “But I can’t stand him because he’s unprofessional with tattoos, yelled at me for things out of my control like when I get off of work, and told me I needed to get laid to get the stick out of my ass.”

“He told you to get laid and yelled at you and you still think about his hands? You have it bad for this guy but there’s no way in hell he actually likes you.” Jimmy mused. Seeing Cas this hung up and frustrated was enough to make Jimmy’s entire week. “You can either stop acting like a dickhead and man up to ask him out or keep being a dickhead and hope that your mutual hatred leads to some near impossible drunk hookup for something.”

“Cool, cool, mutual hatred it is then.” Cas sighed. “And this case is also why I need advice. My boss wants me to prosecute some high up guy in the Reapers which isn’t a problem but he has some serious child abuse charges and even more unproven allegations. I have to track down his two sons who were involved so that I can guarantee a jury conviction just on moral principle.”

“Okay, that’s definitely a heavy case.” Jimmy agreed. “Why do you need my advice? Sounds like you have it handled just fine right now.”

“Well I’m going to track down the social worker who did all the stuff with the boys and see if she can track down the actual boys themselves. I want them to fill in some missing pieces with the timeline and with what their dad did to them. Talking to the social worker won’t be a problem but I don’t know how to talk to the boys if I can even find them. Like how do I ask someone to relieve decades old trauma at this point in their life?

“I’ve never had trauma like that so that’s a really hard question. My best guess would be just be understanding if you do find them and they don’t want to talk. Forcing them to talk about it is just going to make things worse and they're less likely to cooperate. Offering them a safe space to talk would work best.” Jimmy suggested. “Do you know where the social worker even lives?”

“Yeah, down in Collingwood. It’s only a forty minute drive, I was going to call ahead and then drop in tomorrow. That’s why I want you to watch Claire.”

“Fair enough.” Jimmy nodded. “So, aside from the hot teacher who’s apparently frustrating you and this case, is everything else good?”

Cas nodded his head and finished off his coffee before he waved Jimmy away to go play with Claire.

_ Be nice to the boys, be understanding. That was key. _


	10. Sing like a Songbird

“Do we really have to listen to Black Sabbath all the way up to Collingwood?” Sam complained, arms crossed unhappily over his chest as he stared out the window. California had been so nice; there were so many sights and so much to do that one could become lost. Here, there was nothing but flat farmland. It was depressing, honestly. 

“You know the rule, Sammy. Driver picks the music and shotgun shuts their cakehole.” Dean replied, though he did turn the music down slightly. He wasn’t a complete asshole. 

“I know but does it have to be Black Sabbath? You know I hate them.”

Dean had only been driving for about half of the time it would take to get there and he sighed in annoyance, already rather irritated with Sam. “You hate a lot of things, Stanford boy.”

“I can’t believe you’re still pissed about that!” Sam exclaimed, almost unable to believe what he was hearing. “So what I went off to college, big deal. You went to college too, you left me too. We made the exact same choice so there’s no reason for you to act like such a hypocrite over this.”

“You got everything you ever wanted as a kid, that’s why I’m so bitter about it. Dad loved you, he doted on you when he was around. The newest toys and stops for ice cream and books on colleges in America, you got all of that! I got Dean take care of your brother and Dean you’re just a grunt and Dean you’re such a disappointment, why can’t you be more like Sam?”

“That’s not my fault, I was a kid!” Sam muttered. He had known about Dean’s resentment, it had been part of the reason why he had left, but he had had no clue that it was this deep and this toxic. “I’m sorry I ruined your childhood but we’re adults, you need to stop this petty bullshit. We’re family whether you like it or not and quite frankly, this is why I avoided seeing you. You’re petty and angry and I don’t like it. All dad did was hit you once or twice, there’s no need to be so angry at him. Every parent gets mad at their kids.”

“You think it was just once or twice?” Dean asked, his voice calming and quieting down. This was a new level of terrifying for Sam and he began to regret opening his mouth. Clearly it had been far worse than he had thought it had been as a child. Dean said nothing, already thinking back to the first time it had happened. 

~

_ Dad had said he would be back in three days but it had been far longer than that. Time had stretched its already gaunt fingers and made them even thinner, three days morphing into a week. Dean had been trying to make everything last but rations were stretching thin and his stomach ached, a hungry beast clawing at his insides and trying to escape. He was seven, this was too much responsibility for him. Sam was only three, a happy bubbly toddler, and Dean had sworn to take care of him.  _

_ It was fine at first, the first two days. Dean had fed Sam and bathed him, doing all the things a father should be doing. He was rather proud of himself for that, for keeping Sam happy and safe.  _

_ Dad was never far from his mind though, plaguing him like some monster in the dark. It had been different since the fire, he had been different. He was gone for weeks at a time and he was moving them all across the country, Dean couldn’t remember the last time he had been in school for more than a week. When Dad was around, Dean felt like he was walking on eggshells. One wrong question about what he had been doing would send Dad into a spiral and that usually ended with him drinking something from a bottle that made Dean’s eyes water and his toes curl.  _

_ Dean knew something was wrong the second he heard the door open and he smelt that familiar nose burning toe curling scent. John came stomping in and dropped his bag beside the large bed before fishing out a bottle and finishing whatever was in it. His eyes were dark, darker than the deepest abyss, and it frightened Dean something terrible.  _

_ “Come here boy.” John muttered, his gruff voice sending chills down Dean’s spine. Dean said nothing as he padded over and climbed onto the bed, sitting rigid and still beside John. “You kept the place clean, that’s good. Care to tell me why Sam’s crying so goddamn loud?” _

_ “We didn’t have enough food, you were gone too long.” Dean whispered, whimpering when John grabbed his chin and jerked his head up to face him.  _

_ “You had plenty, stop getting greedy. I told you to make sure your brother had enough. What a fucking disappointment.” John spat, shaking his head as he shoved Dean off of the bed and onto the ground. Deciding that Dean’s mistake had been unforgivable, John simply pulled his leg back and kicked Dean in the side with his steel toed boots.  _

_ Dean cried out and curled up to protect himself, tears and snot running down his face at the pain radiating from his side. “Daddy, please stop, it hurts! I’m sorry, I won’t do it again! I promise!” _

_ “You better not or else you’ll get more than just my boot.” John threatened, leaving Dean curled up on the floor as he went to pick up Sam and soothe him.  _

~

Dean hadn’t realized he had zoned out until he felt a tear slide down his cheek and he wiped it away with the back of his hand. He hadn’t thought about their father in close to five years, damn Sam for bringing it all bubbling back up to the surface. “It wasn’t a few times, Sam. He started when I was seven and it kept going until we got taken away from him. Eight years it happened, not that I expected you to know that. I kept it hidden from you, you were just a kid. You didn’t need to know about any of it.”

Dean didn’t exactly feel like talking so the remainder of the drive was spent in an uncomfortable silence. Sam hadn’t meant to bring all of the memories rushing back to Dean and while he did feel bad, he also recognized that Dean needed to think about them and confront them if he was ever going to feel better. 

Bobby and Karen lived in a nice home on the outskirts of the town, Bobby’s auto yard just to the left of the property and a sign denoting it as Singer Automotive. Seeing the two story house brought Dean back to reality and he tiredly. This would be his visit for the week and he doubted they would complain. Karen had the door thrown open even before they reached the porch and she rushed out, throwing her arms around Dean in a tight hug. “Oh, this is so nice! You’re early this week.”

“Yeah mom, I am.” He chuckled, hugging back before pulling away. Karen wasn’t his real mother, not biologically speaking, but she had done her best to raise them and so Dean considered her his mother. That being said, he couldn't speak for Sam and how he felt. 

“And you brought Sam, how wonderful! I had no idea he was in town. Come on in, it’s lunch time and your father would love to see you boys again.” she smiled ushering them inside. 

The house was cozy and comfortable, the telltale signs of boys growing up in the house evident everywhere. Bobby was seated at the kitchen table and he smiled widely when he saw Sam and Dean, crows feet crinkling the corners of his eyes. “Well look at that, we get both boys here for lunch. What’s wrong?”

“Why do you always assume something’s wrong?” Karen sighed as she set the lunch down on the table, her frown deepening when she saw both of their faces crease. “Okay, what is it? One of you being frowny is bad enough but two is even worse.”

“Well, the D.A is prosecuting our dad and is gonna come looking to speak to you two about what happened with us and dad and that whole thing.” Dean explained. “We kind of figured we would give you a heads up about it just so you could prepare and all that.” 

“That might be a problem considering he’s going to be here any minute, he just called us this morning.” She explained. “What are we allowed to tell him?”

Dean sighed, pausing to take a deep breath and grabbed one of the cookies Karen had baked. “Well I don’t want to impede an investigation and I’m pretty sure that withholding info is illegal. You can talk about adopting us and that kind of thing but I would appreciate it if you tried to keep our names out of it as much as possible. Try not to talk about the stuff I told you in the interviews, I’d rather the D. A talk to me about that.”

Karen nodded and began to dish the lunch out until she heard the doorbell ring and then she frowned. “I’m assuming that’s the D.A so you boys can either stay here or go into another room or I can lie and say that you’re asleep at the moment.” 

“Different room, lie.” Dean said as he got up and shuffled into another room, leaving everyone else in the kitchen. 

Karen was the one to answer the door and she smiled at Cas, ushering him inside. “You must be the D.A, come on in. We were just having lunch, I hope you don’t mind.”

“No not at all.” Cas replied as he stepped inside and followed her to the kitchen. He noticed that the house seemed well loved and was filled with all sorts of photos and knickknacks. He paused by the stairs near the kitchen and examined one of the pictures. In it were a much younger Mr. and Mrs. Singer with two boys, one who looked about sixteen and one who looked about twelve. The older boy was smiling and had a skinny frame that spoke of hungry bellies and a lack of food while the younger boy looked a little more distrustful of everyone else. 

“That would be us with our boys, Sam and Dean.” Karen smiled. “That was just after we adopted them, it must have been about twelve years ago or so. I think Dean was sixteen or so at the time, Sam was about twelve.”

“I actually wanted to speak with you about them and the case surrounding them around the time you adopted them.” Cas said as he sat down at the table, taking one of the cookies he was offered. “I’m prosecuting their biological father and I’m looking for them to fill in some details regarding him and what they went through just to ensure a jury conviction.” 

“Well they’re both adults now so I really don’t want to say too much on what they experienced as it would be better left to them to explain. That being said, I can give you their contact information if you wish to follow up.” She said. “As for the part that I played in their case, it’s rather simple. I was assigned to evaluate their home conditions as well as take their statements as I have a degree in child psychology. The home conditions and abuse were severe enough to warrant immediate removal and while a caseworker adopting their own cases is abnormal, I knew the boys would be separated if they were placed in foster care and I just hate doing that to siblings.”

“So you adopted the two boys to keep them together, that’s quite sweet actually.” Cas admitted, helping himself to another cookie. The cookies were almost better than Jimmy's and he had thought that almost impossible. “And I would greatly appreciate their contact information, it would make things much easier for me.”

“I don’t promise that they’ll be willing to speak with you, the kind of trauma they experienced isn’t something that’s so easily forgotten or so easily brought back up once it’s been repressed. Sam might speak with you but I doubt Dean will unless you convince him that it is absolutely necessary.” Karen said, handing Cas a slip of paper with their contact information on it. 

“I didn’t expect it to be easy. Thank you for your cooperation though, it is greatly appreciated. I will likely be in contact to ask a few more questions if that’s okay.” Cas said before he got up and left, armed with information to track the Winchesters down. 

_ Dean Winchester, I’m coming for you _

Ultimately both Sam and Dean returned to the kitchen once Cas had left and Dean looked concerned. “Okay, so the D.A kind of has a hot voice which is unexpected. But I swear he sounds familiar, I just can’t place where I know it from. I’m sure it isn’t important though, all lawyers sound the same.”

Dean couldn’t place the voice and as they drove back towards town, it consumed his thoughts. The man hadn’t sounded malicious but the things he was trying to dog up were long dead and needed to remain so. Thinking back to work, Dean was almost tempted to say the D.A’s voice had belonged to that of Claire’s father but that was absurd. There was no way that man had such a prestigious job. 


	11. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't major in behavioural neuroscience. You WILL spend twelve straight hours looking up literature on planeria and their response to cocaine and nicotine.

The car ride back home was filled with silence as Cas had turned the car radio off so that he had space to think. Bobby hadn’t said much but Karen had been sweet enough and it did calm Cas to know that the boys had at least had a good mother figure for a few years of their lives. She hadn’t said much about what the oldest boy, Dean, had gone through, and Cas figured that it made sense. It wasn’t really her story but he had been hoping for something a little more substantial than just a name and a phone number. 

Dean Winchester

Cas wondered who the man was. Would he be the kind of man frequenting bars and dark alleys like some criminal or had he made a life for himself with a family and a nice home? If the man was a criminal, he would have no problem beating the truth out of him. After all, criminals deserved whatever was coming to them. The man, Dean, being a family man raised a whole new set of challenges.. Could Cas really destroy a happy family just for the sake of prosecuting another man? Truthfully, he didn’t know. 

Not that it really mattered, that would be a problem for when he actually found the man and talked to him. 

The drive didn’t take long and soon enough he was pulling into his driveway. Jimmy had been watching Claire but glancing down at his phone, Cas saw a text from him. 

**Have a date tonight, Claire is with mom. Gonna be at Ziggy’s, please don’t show up and ruin this for me. Thx.**

Cas rolled his eyes at the text and shuffled inside, throwing his briefcase down onto the floor before he threw himself onto the couch with a sigh of relief. Just because Jimmy was older by five minutes didn’t mean that he had to be so irritating. He had only ruined one of Jimmy's dates and it had been by accident. It wasn’t HIS fault that Jimmy didn't know what locking a door for a shared bedroom meant. Just for that text, Cas was going to ruin his date. 

Getting up and heading to the bathroom to shower, Cas flexed in the mirror while the water warmed. Picking Claire up so often had kept his arms fit and toned and he was still amused to discover he still had the scar he had gotten from the equipment room in senior year. Aaron and Louis really had been enthusiastic. 

Wearing one of his usual suits didn’t feel appropriate for a bar but neither did his ratty sweats so he settled for a pair of worn jeans he had stolen from Jimmy and a faded t-shirt with the logo of some band he didn't actually listen to. He didn’t bother with his hair and simply slipped into some sneakers before he headed out, a grin plastered on his face at the idea of embarrassing Jimmy. 

~

“So you’re finally going on a date with hot baker man, good for you.” Garth grinned from his spot on the living room couch. “You said it’s Ziggy’s right?”

“His name is Jimmy, not hot baker man even though that’s exactly what he is, and yeah it’s Ziggy’s. Kind of appropriate for two gays to have a first date at the gay bar in town, it makes sense you know.” Dean shrugged, pulling on a shirt and rolling the sleeves up to his elbows. 

“You’re going full tat, you never do that. Damn, this guy must be something if you’re really gonna show em off and wear the sexy flannel.” 

“Yeah, obviously I’m gonna show them off and wear my sexy flannel rolled up like this. I kind of want to get laid tonight and these make me irresistible.” Dean grinned, grabbing his keys from the bowl on the kitchen counter. “I’ll let you know if I’ll be home or not tonight. Go ahead and invite Bess over, have some fun of your own.”

“Can do. Good luck Dean-o.”

~

Ziggy’s was a nice place, a comfortable bar downtown nestled between an old bookstore and a florists shop. The sign was a neon scrawling loop though the interior was the opposite, wooden floors and an old pub vibe. Sitting at the end of the bar was Jimmy, nervously wringing his hands together as he waited for Dean to arrive. 

This was his first real date since the end of a long long relationship with his ex, Aaron. The split had been messy and had ended in many tears for both of them, Jimmy vowing that he would never think about dating another dark haired man again. He had been true to his word and hadn’t even pursued someone until he came across Dean’s profile. Aside from the man being handsome as hell, he seemed so sweet and genuine that Jimmy had never fallen for someone as easily as he had for Dean. Running a hand through his hair, he turned his head to glance at the door and he came face to face with Dean.

“Sorry I’m late, my roommate had to approve of my outfit.” Dean chuckled as he sat down next to Jimmy. His heart had been pounding on the walk from his car to the bar but now that he was sitting next to Jimmy there was no nervousness. 

Jimmy raised an eyebrow and took Dean in, the scuffed jeans and flannel rolled up to reveal muscular tattooed forearms. Combine that with the boots he had noticed as well as the bar lighting making Dean all the more angular, Jimmy approved. He more than approved. “Your roommate has great taste, I’m really digging the rolled up flannel and the tattoos.”

“Looks like my master plan to seduce you is already working.” Dean grinned, flashing Jimmy a disarming smile. “Just need to get you into my bed now is all.”

“Oh, do you have cartoon themed sheets? Because the last man I dated had Spiderman bed sheets.” Jimmy sighed, shaking his head before ordering them drinks.

“First off, Spiderman is great but no I don’t actually have cartoon sheets. I have plaid sheets like a lumberjack.” Dean chuckled, impressed that Jimmy remembered that he liked old fashioneds. “So, I knew you were a baker but I had no idea you owned Crumble and Flake. I’ve been going there for years, stop in every morning before I go to work to get a croissant and coffee.” 

“Well, maybe I’ll have to start making an appearance in the morning if you’re there. Might brighten my day a bit.” Jimmy hummed, sipping his own drink. “And I’m glad that you have manly sheets. I was surprised when you said you were a kindergarten teacher, you don’t exactly look the part.”

“I get that a lot, its the utter lack of breasts and complete having of a dick.” Dean chuckled, grinning again at Jimmy.

Jimmy felt a flash of warmth in his stomach and decided to just dive headfirst into the relationship. Dean was flirting and so was he so damn it all, he was determined to get laid tonight. “How much of a dick do you have? Is it worth seeing?”

Dean raised an eyebrow and looked over at Jimmy, tongue resting between his teeth. “Well I can tell you that everyone leaves satisfied. Most come back for seconds, a few for more than that.”

“Well then, play your cards right tonight and maybe I’ll have seconds.” Jimmy grinned, discreetly placing a hand on Dean’s thigh and giving a light squeeze. The man had firm thighs and Jimmy wasn’t ashamed to admit that he was having a rather lurid fantasy of those thighs wrapped around his waist and those large hands tugging at his hair. 

While the two of them were conversing, Cas had found a parking spot and was currently making his way into the bar. It was crowded and he awkwardly elbowed a few people as he made his way to the bar. He saw Jimmy talking to a man and then saw the hand on his thigh and his eyes widened. Jimmy had never been one to be so forward so clearly this guy was something else. The guy himself, though it was only the back of his head, looked familiar and Cas wanted a closer look. 

He closed the gap and sort of leaned against the stools, glancing at Jimmy and laughing when he saw Jimmy snatch his hand away from the other man’s thigh. “So, are you gonna introduce me to your new boytoy?”

Jimmy immediately felt his mood plummet and looked apologetically at Dean, frowning a bit when he saw Dean sort of stiffen. “Cas, this is Dean. Dean, this is my twin brother Castiel.”

Dean had been having a good time until the brother interrupted them and when the man turned around and revealed himself as the asshole dad he had been dealing with for weeks, everything suddenly made so much more sense. “I’ve already had the displeasure of meeting him. I teach his daughter.”

“This is the guy you’re seeing, seriously? Your taste is normally better than this.” Cas muttered, rather unimpressed with seeing Dean. That being said he took a long look over Dean and his eyes settled back on the tattoos on his arms and the way his jeans seemed to fit him. There was no reason for this man to be so attractive and the thought of him dating Jimmy made Cas’ stomach roil with jealousy. 

“Well considering what you’ve told me about your whole little crush situation on a certain teacher, your taste is just as bad as mine.” Jimmy muttered, getting up and paying for their tab before taking Dean’s wrist in his hand and getting him up. “Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to continue my date with Dean in peace.”

Cas began to step to the side to allow them to pass but paused midway through, eyes widening when the last piece of the puzzle fell into place. The placard on Dean’s desk read D. Winchester and there was no way that was a coincidence. Dean had to be that kid, had to be Karen’s kid. He was the man Cas needed to talk to and without even thinking about it, he grabbed Dean’s wrist and pulled hard. Dean felt the pull and sort of crashed into Cas, eyes wide with anger at the other man.

“What the hell are you doing? You’re an asshole to me when I’m at work and then you harass me while I’m on a date. I get that you apparently hate me for no reason but there’s absolutely no reason for you to be so ridiculous. So let go of my wrist before I break your hand.” Dean threatened. 

The last thing Cas had expected was Dean’s voice to go so low and deep so his grip loosened from the surprise. He didn’t do well with the threats and his eyes narrowed again. “I never would have pegged you for an abused child but I suppose that goes to show that we aren’t always what we look like. I need to have a word with you about your father. We could go discuss this in private but something tells me that you’re not exactly a fan of going places with strangers, they might make you do things you don’t want to do.”

Dean paused again and went white as a sheet, eyes wide as he tried to keep his legs from buckling. He had known Cas was going to approach him but to do it so publicly and in front of Jimmy was a step over the line of what was acceptable. “You don’t know me, don’t presume that you do. I will tell you this and I’ll only say it once so listen good. Fuck you for bringing this up in front of Jimmy and for doing it so publicly. Fuck you for making assumptions about what happened to me and fuck you for being a heartless bastard. Try anything like this again and I will make good on my threats.”

With that Dean stormed out past Jimmy and Cas, making a beeline for his car. Sliding inside, the engine roared to life and he peeled off before either could come after him to try and change his mind. The engine and the music in the background did little to quell the rising anxiety in him. Jimmy knew now, knew that he had had a horrible past and there was no way he would want a second date. Cas knew who he was and he would never stop asking him about things so it was only a matter of time before Dean broke down completely and told him.

Dean made it to the parking lot of his apartment complex and managed to turn his baby off before he put his forehead down on the steering wheel and broke down into large raucous sobs. His chest heaved and his entire body shook as all of it came rushing back to him at once. Every slap of the belt, every burn of a cigarette, every time John had forced him out into the streets; all of it was rushing Dean at once and overwhelming him. 

The cold unfeeling wind whistled past his car and he sobbed, the noise lost as the world slept.


	12. Reddit, AITA?

Watching Dean rush out of the bar in abject terror was enough for Jimmy to become angry. This wasn’t his normal ‘damn this bread fucked with me’ anger nor was it his ‘Cas you’re a pain in the ass but I still love you’ anger. What his anger was at that exact moment was akin to a fiery rage, a feeling so intense his hands had curled into fists and they were shaking. He grabbed the back of Cas’ shirt and dragged him into the deserted parking lot, shoving him forward. “What the actual fuck was that, Castiel?!”

Cas’ foot hit a break in the pavement and he stumbled forward, a flash of pain as loose gravel dug into his palms. Picking himself off and brushing his hands off, he turned back to face Jimmy and his eyes widened in surprise. Jimmy had never looked this angry before, not in all of the years they had been brothers. “Dean’s the man I’ve been looking for and I simply just wanted to ask a few questions, that’s all it was.”

“Bullshit that’s all that was.” Jimmy muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets so that he didn’t lash out and hit Cas. While he was angry, Jimmy had never been one to get physical with anyone and he knew Cas was stronger anyway. 

“Okay then, what else do you think it was?” Cas asked, his tone one of mocking and his expression one of intense annoyance. Tapping his foot on the pavement, he waited for whatever excuse Jimmy was going to pull out of his ass. 

“First off, Dean is the teacher you apparently have the hots for which is one reason you were so aggressive. You get jealous, Castiel, and it isn’t a pretty sight. All of our lives you’ve wanted every single man I’ve dated and more often than not you take them from me. Simply put, you can’t stand to see me happy with the man you kind of hate but clearly want to fuck.”

Cas began to say something else but the look on Jimmy’s face quickly shut him up. It was just a simple eyebrow raise and a witch of his mouth but Cas knew Jimmy was daring him to say anything. He clearly wanted an excuse to hit him. 

“Secondly, you have absolutely no sense of propriety and clearly no respect for other people. You consistently disregard the feelings of others to get what you want, especially when it comes to your work and your professional reputation. I understand that you felt overshadowed and unloved as a child which is why you act out so rashly with no regard for how others feel but it makes you look like an asshole and it’s most definitely the reason why you have almost no friends outside of work.”

“I felt overshadowed because you were the perfect child who mom and dad actually loved!” Cas yelled, his measured control finally beginning to slip. “You got everything you wanted as a child and I had to fight for whatever scraps of their attention they were willing to give me. Do you have any idea how long I have resented you for being able to be so perfect all the time? A long fucking time.”

“I was not a perfect child and they certainly didn’t love me more than you, I don’t know how you could even think that.” Jimmy said, shaking his head. “I fought just as much for their attention as you did, we all know Michael was the favourite. But that isn’t the point here. The point is that you went out of your way to ruin Dean’s date, to publicly embarrass him, and to bring up years of trauma which he had clearly buried AND wasn’t ready to share with anyone.”

“I didn’t try to publicly embarrass him, there was almost no one at the bar. As for the whole buried trauma thing, that trauma is central to my case and you think he would be happy to testify against the man that abused him for years. I would’ve jumped at the chance if I were him.” Cas replied, warily eyeing Jimmy. “Also I care about people’s feelings, I’m not some heartless monster like you and everyone else seem to think I am.”

“What you are is a fucking hypocrite. You claim you want to help Dean by allowing him to testify but you went about it all wrong. This was a situation where you needed to gain his trust and to gently coax it out of him as time progressed. All you’ve succeeded in doing is closing him off even more to everyone, including both of us.” Jimmy sighed. “Look, I could yell at you more and part of me wants to but I’m exhausted and I want to make sure Dean is okay after what you did to him. Think long and hard about what you did to Dean tonight, maybe you’ll be able to figure out why you’re such an asshole.”

With that Jimmy brushed past Cas and began to walk home, pulling out his phone along the way to text Dean. 

**J: Hey, I really don’t know what to say about what happened with my brother except that it wasn’t right. I still want to keep seeing you but I get if you need your space. Just let me know if you’re okay, that’s all I want.**

~

Dean didn’t end up seeing the text until he made it inside his apartment to shower and get dressed for work early in the morning. Part of him smiled at the thought of Jimmy being concerned about him but the other part of him wanted nothing to do with Jimmy simply because of Cas. He understood that Jimmy and Cas were separate people with separate lives but it did little to make him feel better about what had happened. Would Jimmy really want him when he found everything out? Dean doubted it. 

**D: Thanks for the text, I’m fine. I like you a lot but I need the space right now. I don’t expect you to wait for me, that isn’t fair to you. Thanks for a fun night all the same.**

Tossing his phone onto the bathroom counter, Dean undressed and looked at himself in the mirror. From the front he looked totally normal, decently toned and tattoos up both arms but the back of him was a different story. A thick jagged scar curved from the nape of his neck to his tailbone, following the curvature of his spine and while Dean knew it had been years ago, he could still feel the blade of the knife as it carved into his back. The other scars didn’t bother him much, most had been on his arms and had been covered, but that scar was not one he could hide. He called it the rift; it separated his happy childhood from the childhood of pain and suffering he knew all too well. 

None of that mattered now and he forced himself to stop thinking about it as he got ready. Typically he would head out with Garth considering they worked in the same place but today he needed the peace and quiet of a lone car ride so he took off without Garth. Bypassing the bakery so he wouldn’t have to look Jimmy in the eye, he made his way to school and simply waited for the students.

Glancing down at the calendar while he waited, he felt his stomach drop. It was parent teacher night, the one night a year Dean wanted to die a million times over while he praised every single student he had. It wasn’t that he hated his students because he didn't, he just hated the parents. Every parent thought their kid could do no wrong, that all of them were perfect little angels or geniuses though most of them were the farthest from it. Dean had lost track of all the parents who had brought him gifts in order to sweeten him up or who had hit on him to try and somehow get their kids more attention as if that would work. Glancing down the long list to see which parents he would be seeing, Dean’s eyes fell on the last name on the lost.

Claire Novak, 7 pm. 

Great, just great. The last interview which always seemed to be the worst had just gotten even worse. Was it too late to back out now and call out sick? Judging by the children funneling into his classroom, the answer was yes. 

~

“You did what?” Charlie asked as she raised her eyebrows in disbelief, unsure if she had even heard Cas right. 

“I crashed my brother’s date and found the guy who got abused by the man I’m prosecuting. Only problem is that the dude, Dean, is Claire’s teacher and I kind of maybe ruined his life by making him think about all this trauma and stuff.”

“So the man you have a schoolyard crush on is the same man who got abused and is the same man who’s dating your brother. “ Charlie repeated. “This is the man who you’ve threatened multiple times and who you’ve now harassed in public just so you could try and get him to testify on your case. Jesus fucking christ Cas, you’re an asshole.”

“You have to understand that I need to win this case to prove myself and no jury is gonna convict John Winchester unless the abuse gets brought up.” Cas muttered. “You’re not the new D.A, you don’t have all these crazy new responsibilities like I do. You wouldn’t understand.”

“I turned the promotion to D.A because I didn’t want to deal with all of the headaches. So I know what you’re going through but you have to know that what you did was wrong.”

“Asking Dean to speak to me about his past is not wrong. He’s a key witness.” 

“Let me rephrase since you’re too thick headed to understand what I’m saying. There is nothing wrong with politely asking someone to talk and then explaining why you want them to talk about their traumatic past. What you did was not politely ask Dean to talk about the past which he is still very clearly traumatized by. You ambushed a man who was on a date and revealed a very personal trauma in front of several people, one of which Dean was interested in dating. Not to mention that you threatened him and used about as much tact as a teenage girl. How would you like it if someone came up to you and very aggressively asked you about what happened with Amelia and why you’re a single dad?”

“I would get pissed if someone asked me about- oh… Oh.” Cas mumbled, his thought trailing off as the gravity of what he had done finally made its way into his brain. 

“Yeah..” Charlie said. “So either figure out how to do the case without Dean or make sure you make it up to him which might be almost impossible at this point. And since we’re talking and being so honest because that’s what friends do, do you think that part of the reason you were so angry with Dean was that you were jealous of seeing him with Jimmy?”

“I saw Dean first, I should’ve been the one to ask him out, not Jimmy.” He muttered, arms crossed. “Jimmy claims I take every man away from him but that isn’t true. I want him to be happy, just- not with the guy I think is hot. Not with the guy I want to date, not the guy who should be mine.”

“There’s your whole problem, Cas! You’re treating Dean like he’s just another object, not like a living breathing person! He is a grown man who is capable of making his own choices and unfortunately for you, you just aren’t one of his choices. This man has suffered through years of abuse at the hands of his own father, a man who was supposed to protect him, so having another man yelling at him and pressuring him into talking about that trauma is only going to make him deny it even harder. You’ve likely caused him to spiral and I don’t imagine that you’re going to get very far with him. I feel bad for Claire in all of this, she’s still in his class and it may affect how he teaches her.”

Truthfully, Cas hadn’t even stopped to consider how Dean’s past might still be affecting his present and the realization that he had just made someone’s life worse simply by being too aggressive about work, hit him like a gut punch. He hadn’t meant to make someone feel so awful about themselves or force them to relive any kind of past trauma, he hated being that person. Cas just… lacked social skills. The idea that he had just made everything worse made him want to scream. 

“Okay, so everyone seems to be in agreement about me being an asshole which makes sense. I definitely wasn’t a good man and while I do realize that, I can’t change the past. Parent teacher interviews are tonight so I could try and extend an olive branch but I don’t know if it will actually work.” Cas sighed.

“It won't but it’s a really good first step.” Charlie said honestly. 

~

Dean had situated himself perfectly for all of the parent teacher interviews, having worked out a system during his first year that had made everything go so much faster. He faced the clock to watch the time count down and to see which parents were coming in next. Watching the clock tick closer and closer to seven pm, Dean felt his heart begin to race with panic. 

After the breakdown in his car the previous night and the complete lack of sleep, he wasn’t ready to see the man who had ruined him again. The memories had been coming back in quick little snippets and each one stripped a layer of Dean away, baring more and more of that terrified child. God help the person who was there when the final layer was stripped away and the child was revealed. 

Drifting away from the room to a faint memory, he was startled to look up and find himself face to face with Cas. he had expected to be afraid, that he would shrink away from his gaze but that’s neither what Dean felt. What Dean felt was a white hot fury.

“Have a seat, we can talk about Claire.” He said simply, his jaw set in a harsh line. 

“Dean, I want to talk about last night.”

“Well I don’t so we aren’t going to.” Dean muttered. “Claire is a wonderful student to have in my classroom and I genuinely enjoy teaching her. Aside from the odd mishap which we’ve been working on fixing, she’s bright and actively participates. You seem to have raised her well, she’s respectful of all the staff and of most of the other students. Obviously we don’t do grades here so that isn’t something you should be worried about.”

Cas seemed to relax a bit at that but as he relaxed, he was noticing a lot of Dean’s own behaviours and what they seemed to mean. The other man was tense, jaw set achingly hard and his shoulder were hunched over as if he were on the defensive. Cas couldn't see his hands but he had a feeling they were clenched into fists. What worried Cas the most were his eyes. Dean’s eyes looked dead, the right green dulled and the shine all but vanished. 

“I need to apologize for last night.” Cas began, ignoring Dean’s sudden tensing. “Not only did I ruin your date and bring up things that happened to you in a public place, but I completely disregarded your feelings and how the entire thing would affect you. I am sorry, whether or not you choose to believe me.”

Dean listened on in stunned silence and before he even knew what was happening, he was laughing. The laugh was sharp and dry and Dean almost looked amused. “You really thought that an apology like that would fix what you did? How delusional are you? Not only did you ruin my date with a guy that I actually like a lot but you accused me of things in a very public place with no regard for my feelings or for what it might do to my reputation. I was in a good headspace before you came into my life and you have ruined all of it.”

“I didn’t plan on accusing you of anything but I saw you and it’s like work just took over. I have a professional reputation to maintain and I’m not about to lose it over a case like this.” Cas muttered, realizing too late that he had only made things worse.

“You have a reputation to maintain, are you fucking kidding? My entire life I have been victimized by the people closest to me and treated like some broken doll and the last thing I wanted was to relive all of the trauma I have ever had because some dickhead lawyer has decided that child abuse is necessary to prosecute a known gangbanger. If you need child abuse to clinch that, clearly you’re a horrible lawyer.”

“I never said that I needed child abuse to clinch the case, just that it would be a significant help to me. Yes, I very clearly didn’t consider your feelings which I realize was a gross mistake but the way I saw your testimony was different than how you see it. I saw your testimony as a way for you to bring justice to your abuser and to get retribution for what happened to you. You were going to have an opportunity to work through all of it.”

“Well I appreciate that you at least considered that but that isn't how it is at all.” Dean said. He began to explain things to Cas but then he paused, hardening again. “I’m not going to waste my time educating someone who I feel really doesn’t actually give a shit about my feelings and what I’ve gone through. I’m also not going to tell you shit about my life so you can go ahead and fuck right off.”

Cas knew he wasn’t going to get anything else out of Dean and he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Alright, so I can’t expect anything from you which is fine. I would try and make it up to you but I honestly don't know how to do that. I do genuinely feel bad about what I did but clearly I have a lot to learn and that isn’t on you to teach me.”

“Wow, look at you actually being introspective and actually listening. Really, I’m quite impressed.” Dean said sarcastically. “I don’t forgive you, make no fucking mistake about that, but I do appreciate the apology. The apology is something I didn’t think you were capable of. I think it would be best if you left, our interview time is over and I have places to be.”

“Fair enough. Just give Jimmy another chance, Dean. He may look like me but he doesn’t act like me.” Cas said before he brushed past Dean and left the room. 

Dean held his breath until Cas left and then he exhaled, glancing up to see the clock reading 7:30 pm. He had made it through the meeting without a breakdown or without threatening Cas or hitting him. It wasn’t a lot but for Dean it was a small victory. 

Cas wasn’t going to wear him down, Dean wouldn’t let him. That being said, Dean couldn’t seem to get Cas’ thoughts out of his head.

Would the jury really convict his father without the child abuse testimony?


	13. The Rule of Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I update this at 2 am? Maybe. 
> 
> Also, I may try to make the chapters longer so that there isn't fifty chapters of this fic. Just a heads up.

For Dean Winchester, everything came in threes. His memories up until four consisted of pb & j’s cut into three, of three ice cubes placed in his glass of lemonade, and of three bowls of tomato and rice soup when he was sick. The ruining of his life came in three: three shots ringing into the night, three steps from the kitchen to the front door, and three firemen trying to calm him down as he held his screaming baby brother in his arms. Being abused for the first time happened in three: the alcohol, the screaming, and then a white hot pain searing through his fragile little body. Finding himself came in three: being sent to Meadow Spring, meeting Lee Webb, and that July first night up on the roof with cheap whisky they had stolen. Escaping his father had come in three: a kind woman in a grocery store, a room where he wasn’t being harmed by strangers, and a new family. Education had come in three: countless hours toiling away in the summer, an accidental discovery of a passion, and college applications sent in the middle of the night. 

Dean had worked hard to make his life better, to build himself up after the past had forced him into submission. He wasn’t a pawn in his father’s games… at least he hadn’t thought so until now. 

Meeting Castiel Novak had changed his life in three profound ways. Firstly, it had shown him that he was truly capable of hating a parent. Never before had Dean been so infuriated by someone who had done something as simple as be late to picking their kid up after school. It was irresponsible and frankly neglectful, Dean thought. Secondly, he had thought his past was long buried but Castiel had proved him wrong in regards to that too. Accusing Dean of being the abused child had been one thing but doing it so publicly had ruined Dean. Paranoia had set in, he swore that everyone around him knew and was now out to get him and ruin the perfect little bubble he had created for himself. Finally, it had brought them back.

The nightmares. 

Dean had always had nightmares, horrible things that left him clawing at his skin until he bled and left his lungs burning for air after he screamed. Sometimes he was falling into a dark ocean, misshapen things swarming around him and calling out for his blood. Other times he was trapped in that burning house, forced to watch his mother as the skin of her face blistered and sloughed off. On those nights he would wake up screaming and gasping for air, the nightmares were different. 

Those nightmares felt real, felt tangible. He wasn’t falling into an ocean or roasting in a fire alongside his mother, but with his father. Sometimes they would be in the impala, the leather seats rubbing against Dean’s denim clad legs as his father’s hand rested on his knee. That damned hand, scarred and large, held Dean as if he were a coveted object. It confused Dean, knowing John could be so loving at one moment and then so cold and unfeeling the very next. He didn’t know who his father was, just that he was scared of him and always had been. 

Castiel had brought back the last subset of nightmares and he had brought them back tenfold. Each night was a struggle for Dean, a battle between his brain and his body as the nightmares ravaged him. It was more than just one nightmare every few weeks. These nightmares came in threes. 

~

_ Dean sat on the empty bed at the Pelican motel, his denim clad legs swinging off of the bed and knocking into the stained floral comforter beneath him. Dad had left him and Sam again, this time for what he called important business with important clients. The important clients, Samuel and Lucy as Dean knew them, simply wanted to speak to his father about something. He had tried to listen to John’s conversation over the phone but it had only resulted in a backhand to the side of his face.  _

_ Dean’s jaw ached, the handprint raised and an angry inflamed red on his cheek. He didn’t dare move from his spot on the bed, soldier still as he stared at the wall in front of him. The cigarette smoke stained lemon yellow paint was cracking and peeling off of the wall, the patterns making his eyes ache and his head swim. Dingy carpet brushed against the bottoms of his bare feet and if Dean looked hard enough, he knew he could spot his own dried blood in the worn down gray shag. He thought it was funny, he hadn’t remembered bleeding.  _

_ Glancing up when he heard the door to their room swing open, Dean was greeted with the sight of his father. Standing tall and proud, John Winchester was a sight to behold. Dark eyes peered out of a harsh face and scarred hands held a duffel bag, inside of which Dean knew was something he shouldn’t have seen.  _

_ “You stayed in your spot, good.” John said as he set the duffel down onto the table, turning to unzip it and remove the contents.  _

_ “You told me to, sir.” Dean replied meekly, glancing down at his hands clasped in his lap. Dad sounded pleased, maybe he hadn’t made such a big mistake after all.  _

_ “I did and I'm glad to see you can at least listen to that. Care to tell me why you were snooping in my work bag before I left this morning?” He asked, turning back to face Dean and crossing the room in a few steps. Wrapping his hand around Dean’s arm, he yanked the boy up to his feet and marched him over to the kitchen table. John knew Dean was in pain and was searching for any excuse to lose his mind and give in to all of the unseemly urges brewing beneath the surface.  _

_ “I just wanted to know what was in it, you’re always so secretive about it.” Dean mumbled, glancing down at his feet. The moment the words slipped out of his mouth, his eyes widened. He had made a mistake and judging by the glint in John’s eyes, he knew it too.  _

_ “You call me sir, got that?” John growled, twisting Dean’s arm behind his back and relishing in the sharp gasp of pain that came from his son. “And you’re a big boy now, you’re ten. I think it’s time that I allow you to join the family business. You are a pretty little face and I have use for you.” _

_ “If that’s what you want, sir.” Dean mumbled, wincing in pain and then gasping when he felt John yank up harder on his arm. It wasn’t enough to break it but it was enough to make Dean’s knees buckle and he fell back against John. _

_ John grinned at the action and ran a hand through Dean’s hair to ruffle it, the affectionate gesture so out of place. Dean welcomed it, leaned into it, thought it was a true show of fatherly love but John knew better. All it was was manipulation, an easy way to keep Dean under control. Beating him half to death never seemed to do the trick (no matter how fun it was) but a simple hug or hair ruffle here or there kept Dean well enough in line. _

_ “This is the family business, this is what you’ll be a part of.” John said, allowing Dean to look into the duffle and get a better look at the contents. Inside the duffle were dozens of tiny dime baggies, each filled with what looked flour or sugar. _

_ “You trade flour to those people for all that money?” Dean asked naively, his ten year old brain never even considering the notion that his father would be involved in criminal activity. Sure he got mad sometimes and did some bad things but he wasn’t a criminal, he wasn’t that bad.  _

_ “It isn’t flour, Dean.” John said, unable to hold back his chuckle. Sometimes it warmed his heart to see how naïve his son was. “Go on and try some, I’ll show you how.” _

_ Retrieving the bag and opening it, John sprinkled some on the table and lined it up neatly with the end of a motel pamphlet. He showed Dean how to make the lines before pressing a finger to one side of his nose and leaning down, inhaling it quickly. The burn was familiar and he tilted his head back after, sighing as he felt the familiar rush.  _

_ Dean didn’t know what was happening but his father didn’t seem mad so he simply went along with it, plugging one nostril before leaning down and inhaling deeply. He felt the crystals enter his nose and immediately it began to burn. Sniffling and coughing Dean moved to turn back and hit John’s body, looking up at him with teary eyes. “Why does it hurt?” _

_ “It’ll stop hurting in a few minutes.” John soothed, guiding Dean to the bed so he could lay down and try to regain some semblance of normality. Sitting down beside Dean, John waited.  _

_ It didn't take long for Dean’s pupils to widen and for his face to grow warm, a sluggish smile spreading across Dean’s face. He felt it everywhere, the tingling in his toes and his fingers had reached his mouth and throat where the numbness was almost warm and pleasant. There was momentary clarity in Dean’s mind and he scrambled away from John, suddenly very afraid of him.  _

_ “You gave me drugs, you sell drugs! That’s the family business, I don't want to be a part of that! Drugs are bad, Dad!” Dean yelled, practically vibrating out of his skin. Feeling the roaring of his own racing in his heart terrified Dean and he backed against the door, trying to reach the handle and turn it with his shaking hands.  _

_ “Like it or not, you are a part of it.” John muttered as he rose to his own feet, the cocaine giving him the clarity he had been craving. He reached for Dean and yanked him forward by his hand, grip tight enough on his wrist to leave bruises. “You’re not going to get out of this room and you aren’t going to squeal either.” _

_ “Let go!” Dean yelled, trying to yank his wrist out of John’s grip and falling back onto the floor when he managed the feat. An echoing crack and a resounding pain rushed through Dean and the room and he knew that he had broken something. Was the nausea from that or the drugs? Dean didn’t know.  _

_ “You need to learn some respect, boy.” John snarled, getting to his knees and pulling Dean up by his shirt collar. He had had enough of Dean’s disrespect, of the sheer ungratefulness of the boy. “Have I not given you food and a roof over your head? Have I not protected you and Sam from the monsters out there in the world?” _

_ Dean was shaking and knew he should have kept his mouth shut but it was like he was somewhere else, watching his body move and hearing his voice without any actual control over it. “You are a fucking monster.” _

_ White hot rage ripped through John like a bullet and he wasn’t in control of himself, so blinded by his fury. The last thing he remembered was Dean screaming at him and then he was coming to, blood drying on his hands and Dean unconscious on the floor in front of him. Dean had fallen onto his stomach, face buried in the dirty carpet and John rolled him over to assess the damage done. Dean’s right eye was swollen, shiny skin stretched taut and a deep angry red John knew would fade to black. A split lip was crusted with blood from Dean’s broken nose and John pursed his lips in annoyance.  _

_ “This will be a pain to clean up.” He sighed as he scooped Dean up, setting him on the bed and retrieving a damp cloth to place over his face. “If only you had kept that mouth of yours shut.” _

_ ~ _

Dean woke up in a cold sweat, covers tangled around his neck and the final letter of John’s name escaping from his lips in a cry of pain. Clawing the covers off as if they were burning him, he stumbled out of bed and into the kitchen to find some water. His heart hammered in his chest and he leaned against the kitchen counter, eyes closed as he told himself to breathe. It was just a nightmare, that was it. He was in his apartment and he was safe, his father was nowhere near and wasn’t able to hurt him any more. 

All of the commotion had woken Garth and he stumbled out of his bedroom, eyes wide with concern. He saw the way in which Dean was steadying himself and he knew what happened, that Dean had had another nightmare. They were getting more and more frequent and Garth was worried that it was beginning to affect Dean's grip on reality. Garth said nothing as he gently took Dean’s hand, leading him to the couch and stretching out before he pulled Dean down. Physical comfort like this always seemed to help Dean after a nightmare, it grounded him to reality. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Garth asked, running his hand through Dean’s hair. 

Dean allowed Garth to pull him down and he settled, head on his shoulder and limbs sort of curled in. He realized it was ridiculous, being cuddled by his straight best friend after a nightmare, but it seemed to help and he needed that sense of calm. “I told you about what my dad did to me as a kid, right?”

“That he abused you and got you hooked on cocaine, yes.” Garth replied. “I take it you had a nightmare about it again?”

“Yeah. Felt real too, my nose is throbbing and my head hurts.”

“Well you’re really sweaty so you’ve probably lost a lot of fluids and need to drink something. Garth said, shifting so he could get more comfortable. “Your nightmares have been getting worse ever since that lawyer called you out. Are you doing okay?”

Dean thought about lying but he knew it wouldn’t do any good so he just shook his head. “I thought I was over all of this bullshit but I guess I’m not. I did therapy, I talked about it to someone, I did everything you’re supposed to do when something traumatic happens and I’m still not okay. Like I was fine until Castiel came and fucked everything up again.”

“Dean, therapy isn’t a one and done magic cure. You did go but that was years ago and clearly it still isn’t helping you because you haven't gone in years. I think you need to start going again. We both know Doctor Moseley would be more than happy to take you again.”

“I guess but I don’t want to waste her time.” Dean mumbled, turning his head to hide his face in Garth’s shoulder. 

“Dean, it’s literally her job to listen to your problems and we both know she’s been pestering you to start up therapy again. Even before Castiel showed up and made things all messy.” Garth sighed. “Castiel just forced you to acknowledge everything at once, that’s why you’re having so many nightmares and panic attacks now. It’s up to you whether or not you do something about them.”

“I hate when you’re right.” 

“I know you do.” Garth chuckled, pulling the bunched up blanket over them. “So, if you do go to therapy that’s one problem solved. The other problem is Castiel and your father’s conviction. Castiel can’t force you to talk about your childhood if you aren’t ready to so the choice is really up to you.”

“It’s just- if he hadn’t been so rude to me the first time we had met and he had approached me quietly and with respect, I would have cooperated and probably told him everything but because he was so awful I just don’t want to help him. I hate my father and I want to see him rot in jail but I can’t stand being around Castiel.”

“Castiel can make the charges stick without the child abuse addition but that addition would make the case rock solid. I didn’t go through what you did so I’m not really an authority on this stuff but I think that you could do some real good if you share your story and put your dad away for good.”

Dean knew Garth was right but for once in his life he wanted to be selfish. He wanted John to rot in prison for what he had done but the last thing he wanted was to put himself out in the line of fire in case something went wrong. There was significant risk if Dean were to speak out against John and the organization in which he belonged to but what else did he really have left to lose? 

“I’ll think about it but not tonight, not now.” Dean sighed as he settled down. The couch was going to ruin his back and Garth’s but that was fine, he just needed the reassurance and comfort of his friend if he was going to make it through the night. 

As Dean drifted off to sleep, a singular thought plagued his mind. 

Why does Castiel care about this case so much?


	14. Peace Offering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo kind of a longer chapter. Also, last episode is Thursday and I am not ready. Imma cry on my birthday.

Castiel had never stopped to consider just who might be working in his office and what the potential ramifications were for it, not until he had figured out who Dean Winchester was. He had known the surname was familiar, but it was more than just Claire’s teacher. It didn’t hit him until he saw the new intern, the gigantic moose of a man in dire need of a haircut.

Sam Winchester. 

He had to be the same Sam Winchester as the young kid in the interview! Perhaps Sam was a better avenue to try and go with. He was far more approachable and much more likely to actually help Cas. Besides, he would be a start in helping Cas figure out how to make Dean feel better and make himself less of an ass in the man’s eyes. 

“Hey, Sam, you got a minute to talk in my office?” Cas asked, making eye contact with him as he made his way over to the coffee cart. “It’s sort of important and I’d like privacy. Besides, you’re probably tired of doing filing all day so I’ll give you a break from the monotony.” 

Sam raised an eyebrow at Cas’ offer but knew better than to turn the D. A down, silently following him to the office and shutting the door behind him. He knew it would be about Dean, Sam wasn’t stupid, but he was quickly losing respect for Cas. Dean had been tortured enough during his life and this was only adding stress that he didn’t need. Sam knew the night terrors were back and that Dean was seriously affected by all of what had been back. He also knew that Dean was going back to therapy and for that he was proud of his brother. “This about Dean and your dogged pursuit of him?”

“It is.” Cas nodded, taking a seat at his desk. “I’m sure you’re well aware of my case regarding your father as well as the lack of discretion I employed in regards to trying to get your brother to talk to me about your childhood. I was hoping you would be willing to do two things for me. Firstly, I was hoping you could help me find a way to make things right with Dean as I do feel rather terrible about what happened. Secondly, I was hoping you could shed some light on your childhood. Any little bit would help me win the case and I desperately need this man behind bars.” 

“Am I allowed to speak freely here without any repercussions to my job?” Sam asked simply. 

“You are.”

“Good. You’re really a selfish prick, I hope you know that.” Sam said. “You say you’re trying to help us heal and get us justice but it isn’t driven by a genuine wanting to do good. It’s driven by wanting to be the best in the business which means you don’t care about who you hurt along the way. If you truly wanted to keep everyone happy, you would drop the child abuse investigation and simply prosecute our father as a gang banger like he actually is.”

“I suppose that is one option but I really don’t want to drop the child abuse investigation.” Cas replied calmly. On the inside he was fuming. Sam was right, of course, but that didn’t do much to ease Cas’ anger. He was trying his best to get them justice and clearly they were just too blind to see it. 

“Why are you pursuing this so doggedly? What tragic event in your life turned you into this kind of emotionless robot? I swear you have no feelings.” Sam muttered. 

“My abusive father died before I could get justice.” Cas replied, the slightest tremor of his jaw giving away the state of his emotions. He had never uttered that sentence aloud, never allowed himself to think about his father and his childhood. Now that he was admitting to it, he could feel his calm façade slipping and it concerned him. The last thing he wanted to do was to lose his cool in the middle of the office for all to see. 

Sam paused, his eyes widening just for a second before they narrowed again. “You yourself know what an abusive father is like and how it can fuck up your childhood so you think you would have some sympathy in regards to Dean’s situation here. I understand that you didn’t get justice for yourself and I'm assuming your siblings and your mother but that isn’t an excuse to drag out this mission on someone who doesn’t want to be involved. My brother is fragile and this has done a lot to harm him. I don’t advise continuing pursuing the case this way but if you do I suggest you talk to him directly and explain why you want to prosecute John.”

Cas just shook his head and dismissed Sam with a wave, sitting in his dark office to think. It hadn’t been as bad as Sam and Dean's childhood but it had been bad enough. There had only been one instance of physical abuse which Cas considered to be rather lucky though there had been countless instances of emotional and verbal abuse and manipulation which had left Cas unable to distinguish love from hatred for many years. Even now he found it difficult to open up , never truly knowing if the person he was with actually loved him or was using him. He could talk to Dean and explain things, genuinely offer an apology, or he could do nothing. 

Doing nothing was worse, he was going to make an effort to apologize. 

Knowing Dean would refuse to speak to him after school, he elected to stop by Dean’s place later so they could talk. He had the address and had an idea of what Dean liked to eat so he could offer food as an olive branch. 

~

Dean had been unable to concentrate all day, letting his students colour and talk amongst themselves while he mulled over everything in his head. The night terrors were back and even worse than before so he was spending most nights in Garth’s bed with him, face in his shoulder and holding on for dear life. He knew it was embarrassing and he hated that he needed the reassurance though he knew Garth didn’t mind at all. Dean hadn’t slipped back into his old habits of using but he had returned to drinking on a much more regular basis, the emotions rolling in his stomach like a storm only calm when he had imbibed. 

The worst of it wasn’t his father or the memories or even the night terrors. What made everything worse were Cas and Jimmy. Dean had really liked Jimmy but after the whole incident at the bar he had been avoiding him like the plague, not opening his messages and panicking every time he got a notification. He knew Jimmy didn't care about his past and liked him for who he was but Dean just wasn’t ready to open back up after all of that. 

Now Cas, he was a different story all together. Cas scared Dean, had forced him to confront the darkest hidden parts of himself and his past, but it was more than that. More than Cas bringing all the trauma to the surface, there was a strange sense of kinship Dean felt for the other man (even if there was hatred too). He knew that Cas had a past too, he could see it in the rigid way he carried himself as if he were still on high alert. The man’s posture was rigid and he himself emotionless, clearly a defense mechanism to not let people in so he wouldn’t get hurt. As much as Dean wanted to hate Cas for bringing everything up, he couldn’t. There was an understanding he had, an understanding that told him Cas truly did want to help but that he was just going about it in all the wrong ways. 

Dean’s contemplative nature had been noticeable enough as Claire came over during indoor recess and parked herself down beside him at the desk. “You look sad. Why do you look sad?”

Dean glanced over at her and just shook his head. “Don’t worry about it kiddo, I’m just tired is all. Why don’t you go play with the other kids, it looks like Kaia needs a friend.”

“You’re sad because of daddy and uncle Jimmy, I can tell.” Claire said, offering up Harold for Dean to hold. “Both of them like you a lot, in a grown up way, but daddy is bad at showing it. He’s bad at showing a lot of stuff. Sometimes he forgets to kiss my head before I go to bed but it’s okay, I know he loves me and wants me anyway.”

Dean just shook his head and accepted Harold, smiling a bit. Kids were always good at taking his mind off things and Claire was a genuine treat to have in class. “Your daddy likes me in a grown up way, huh.. That’s interesting. Now go on and play, you’ll have much more fun over there than with me.”

Claire nodded her head and ran off to play, leaving Harold with Dean to try and comfort him. There wasn’t much time left in the day and soon enough the parents were picking up their kids. Dena expected to see Cas picking Claire up but he was surprised when he saw Jimmy, offering him an awkward smile. Claire knew they would talk so she stepped outside of the classroom. 

“You look exhausted, you must not be sleeping.” Jimmy noted as he sat on the desk. “I was getting worried, you weren’t answering my messages.” 

“Yeah, I haven’t been. Sort of been preoccupied with your brother’s case and his trying to ruin my life by exposing my checkered past. I’m really sorry I haven’t been answering, I’ve just been going through some stuff is all.” 

“I know you have. I’m glad to see you’re fine, I just wanted to know if there’s anything I can do to help you whether it be as a friend or it be something more than that.” Jimmy said, reaching over to squeeze the top of Dean's hand. 

Dean’s heart squeezed painfully in his chest and he knew what was happening, what he had to do. “I can’t do a relationship right now, not with everything going on. I’m not going to trap you in something and you aren't just friends with benefits either. I would be okay with being friends but it’s really up to you.”

Jimmy frowned but nodded his head. He had suspected that this would be coming and he had steeled himself for it. “I get it, don’t worry. I’m cool with being friends. Don’t worry about it, just give me a text if you ever need to talk or do something else. See you around Dean.”

With that Jimmy left with Claire and Dean relaxed a bit. At least the Jimmy problem was solved but that left Cas which was far worse in Dean’s opinion. He cleaned up the classroom before heading home, scooping up the sticky note Garth had left for him. Garth was out with Bess which meant he had the apartment to himself. 

It was quiet for a few hours until his phone began to ring and not thinking much of it, he picked it up and answered it. “Hello, this is Dean. who’s calling?”

“Well it certainly ain’t a date.” the voice replied, chuckling lowly when he knew Dean had realized. 

Dean’s blood ran cold and he almost hung up the phone right then and there but something prevented him from doing so. He really needed to get a caller ID and this just cemented it. “What the fuck do you want? I told you I was done with you and all the bullshit you put me through.”

“Well I’m not quite done with you yet, boy. I’ve met the lawyer they have prosecuting me, he’s your type ain’t he? It’s a shame that he’s going to fail and that I’m going to get released. Once I do, just know that I’m coming for you and your brother. You aren’t safe, you never have been.”

“Don’t fucking talk about Sam like that.” Dean hissed, his grip on the phone so tight his knuckles were white. “And you’re not going to get away with this, not with anything that you did. The D.A will crush you into dust and then I’ll finally be rid of you.”

“You’re having the nightmares again, I can hear it in your voice. I imagine you’re trembling too, standing in the middle of your living room with your knees knocking together while you try not to cry. Have you remembered that night I got you hooked? Or what about that first night out on the corner? You made a pretty penny turning tricks like that. Would’ve sampled the product but you being my son and all breaks what little principles I have.”

Dean nearly dropped the phone, his face going white as a sheet as he turned and retched into the nearest garbage can. Hearing that John had considered him was bad enough but the reminder of what he has done for money was overwhelming. John began to laugh over the phone.

“It won’t take long for them to release me, Dean. Have fun with your ordinary life while it lasts.”

Dean heard the call end while he threw up and when he finished, he wiped the back of his mouth with his hand and set the phone on the coffee table. The revelations were dizzying and too much for Dean to handle sober so he made his way to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle he had stashed away under the sink. 

“We’re going to be best friends tonight.” He muttered, unscrewing the cap and taking a long swig as made his way back over to the couch. Before he could sit there was a knock at the door and Dean jumped, setting the bottle down before cautiously opening the door. 

“Are you stalking me now, what the fuck is this?” He muttered, very unimpressed as his eyes fell on Cas and the bag of food in his hand. “I am not having a good day and I don't need your sanctimonious bullshit right now. So kindly fuck off.”

Cas hadn’t expected a warm reaction but this was something else, there was something wrong and he knew it. Dean looked pale and shaky and the open bottle of alcohol on the coffee table was enough for Cas to worry. “I brought burgers and fries from Eileen’s as a peace offering, Sam told me they’re your favourite.”

“Do you have pie?” Dean asked. He didn’t exactly want Cas to stay but there was food from Eileen’s and he didn’t really want to be alone either. Would he regret this later? Probably. 

“I do, cherry.” Cas replied.

“Then I guess you can stay.” Dean muttered, letting Cas in. The apartment was neat and clean, albeit quite tiny, and Cas wondered if Dean had a roommate. Sure rent was cheap and this was the bad part of town but it was still incredibly expensive to live here. 

“I brought the food as a peace offering since I’ve kind of been a dickhead ever since we met. I know it isn’t much and that the apology isn’t good enough but I don't do good with emotions and I'm trying my best.” 

Dean just shook his head and sat down on the couch, removing his food from the bag. Cas had balls, he would admit that, and he knew this was just a ploy but it was still a nice gesture all the same and he really didn’t know what to think after the phone call he had just had. “It’s good enough, don’t worry about it. You can drink if you want, I don’t mind sharing.”

“You have good taste, this is good stuff.” Cas said as he picked up the bottle, pouring himself a generous amount. He wasn’t going to say no to alcohol, especially not if it led to conversation. “You look really shaken up, something happen?”

“Why do you care?” Dean asked defensively, mouth full of fries. He didn’t trust Cas enough to share anything at the moment, especially not the tidbit about the phone. 

“Well, I care because you are a human being and you’re clearly having some internal struggle over whatever happened before I showed up. I care because no child should go through what you went through and I genuinely want you to get justice for what happened to you. You’re just as deserving of justice as any other person is but I don’t think you know that. You don’t think you deserve to be saved.”

Dean froze again and said nothing as he took another large sip from the bottle, watching Cas warily. “It’s more than just you wanting to be a good person, isn’t it? I noticed it the first time we met but I thought it was nothing at the time. Someone hurt you when you were a kid, didn't they?”

Cas took a deep breath before finishing his drink and pouring another. If he was going to be honest with Dean then he needed to not be sober. “My father wasn’t a kind man. Mind you he was nothing like yours simply in the sense he preferred manipulation and gaslighting instead of fists and drugs. I suppose I want to help you get the justice I never did.”

Dean raised an eyebrow, surprised by how candid Cas was being. The lack of physical abuse but the mention of other abuse made sense to Dean. It explained why Cas seemed so emotionally stunted, so robotic and rigid all the time. He had walls built to keep others away from him. “I won’t pry because it’s none of my business and I don't think bringing up past trauma is going to be beneficial to either of us. You say you want to help, surely you understand that bringing up my past trauma is actively harming me?”

“I hadn’t considered that at the time but I see it now judging by how much alcohol you've had to drink and the clear lack of sleep on your face.” Cas sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I genuinely didn’t mean to make you spiral.”

“Well you can’t take the spiral back but thanks for the apology.” Dean mumbled. His head was beginning to fog up from the alcohol and he had settled down, a warm calm spreading over his body. 

“Look, I'm not gonna force you to talk about your past and I will proceed with the case without it but if you want to talk about it, then I’ll gladly include it. I’m giving you the choice, whatever you want.” 

Dean sighed and shook his head, glancing up at Cas. His expression was sincere and there was the slightest hint of genuine emotion in his eyes. It was enough for Dean to mostly make up his mind. “If I talk, will you guarantee a win?”

“Well I can’t ever give you a hundred percent win guarantee because it’s all subjective but if you testify, I’m very very sure that he will get life in prison.” Cas replied, his own head beginning to swim. It had been ages since he had had a chance to have any sort of alcohol and he was apparently just not used to drinking it.

Dean had to think about it and he looked deep in thought, his hands shaking on his lap. Cas wasn’t sure if it was because of the memories or the alcohol but he hated to see it and reached across the table to take Dean’s hand in his. Dean’s hands were rough and flaked with tiny scars and Cas immediately thought back to their first meeting, to the impure thoughts he had had about Dean’s fingers. Briefly thanking the alcohol for masking his flush, he looked back at Dean.

“I’m not really comfortable talking about it tonight but I do think I want to talk about it to someone. If it means that other people won’t be victimized then I’ll do it.” He said, glancing down to see Cas’ hand on his. “Is that okay?”

Cas hadn’t really been paying attention, too busy thinking about their first encounter. He still had a thing for Dean’s hands it seemed and Dean in general judging by the way his heart was hammering in his chest. Dean still pissed him off but it was less anger now and more just mild annoyance. “Yeah, fine. I never did keep my promise I made to you on the first day we met.”

“What promise? All you did was call me a bottom and say that you really needed to teach me a lesson.” Dean muttered, his words slurred and the room spinning. He knew he wasn’t sober and there was no way in hell Castiel was either. 

“That’s the promise. We aren’t in your classroom and your roommate clearly isn’t home so I think I should make good on the promise.” Cas replied, moving from the chair to the empty spot on the couch beside Dean. 

“I believe I also told you that you weren't my type and that I would never sleep with you.” Dean replied. He felt the couch dip next to him and he turned slightly to face Cas, scanning his face. Sure Cas was a carbon copy of his brother but there were slight differences. Cas’ lips were bigger and looked softer, his nose broader and a tad more crooked, and his eyes weren’t deep blue like Jimmy’s but instead a bright sky blue. 

“Yes you did but I can see you staring intently at my face.” Cas grinned. “And you were going to date my twin brother so very clearly you think I’m handsome.”

“I would rather let the human species die out before sleeping with you. Besides, that would be breaking my number one rule and that is one thing I’ve never broken.”

“Oh, so sleeping with a hot guy is breaking a rule on your list? That’s disappointing.” Cas sighed, glancing at Dean before looking him up and down. He could see the way in which Dean’s chest was rising and falling and the clear want in his eyes. The chase was kind of fun.

“First off, you’re like an 8 maybe. And secondly, I don’t sleep with my students' parents.” Dean replied. “You’re also a lawyer and no offence but lawyers are slimy and I still kind of hate you.”

“I am more than an eight.” Cas scoffed. He still had his hand on Dean’s and slid it up to his forearm, feeling the scars beneath Dean’s sleeve of tattoos. “And just because I’m a lawyer does not mean I’m slimy. I’ll have you know that I’m incredibly ripped and quite frankly, I think I'm well endowed.”

Dean watched Cas slide his hand up his arm and while he would have normally felt mild panic, this time he was pleased. It felt nice to have someone touch him even if it wasn’t really romantic and he couldn’t deny the fact that Cas was incredibly attractive. The tension between them was only growing stronger and Dean knew giving in would be disastrous but he wanted to. He wanted to, badly. 

“Well endowed, huh?” Dean chuckled, shifting forward so there was only a sliver of space in between them. “You think you’re gonna break me in or something? I’m not some cutesy virgin who’s gonna worship your dick the second you stick it in me.”

“Virgins are the worst, I certainly wouldn't sleep with you if you were one.” Cas muttered. He could smell the alcohol on Dean’s breath and see the want in his eyes, biting his own lip as he mulled over what to do. Neither of them were sober which wasn’t exactly ideal but they were sober enough to know what was happening. Cas could imagine himself leaning in and kissing Dean, grabbing his face and pulling him close. But that wasn’t how things should work. He didn’t want to take advantage of Dean, to scare him away after being so open about wanting to talk. “We really shouldn’t be doing this, we aren't sober.” 

“Fuck being sober, do you want me or not?” Dean muttered, his entire body leaning close to Cas. His eyes were lidded and his lips parted slightly, one hand bracing himself on Cas’ thigh while the other was hovering by his face. His entire body was screaming for Cas, screaming to get laid and screaming to let someone in. “You get one chance, Castiel. Don’t waste it.”

“I never waste my opportunities.” Cas mumbled before he closed the gap and kissed Dean. 

The kiss was hungry and rough, Cas pushing Dean back onto the couch and climbing on top of him in a tangle of long limbs. His lips were soft and Dean was pleasantly surprised to find that out, groaning softly as he scrambled to push Cas’ jacket off. 

“Too many fucking clothes.” Dean muttered, tossing the suit jacket onto the coffee table before fumbling with Cas’ tie. “Fucking lawyers and their monkey suits.”

Cas held back a chuckle and he pulled away just long enough to tug off Dean’s t-shirt, pausing to admire his chest. He was toned which was nice and he had a peculiar tattoo over his heart, a pentagram surrounded by what looked like the sun or flames. 

“Fucking kiss me.” Dean muttered, pulling Cas down for another rough kiss. He threaded his fingers through Cas’ hair and pressed his head down, tugging at Cas’ bottom lip between his teeth as he shoved off Cas’ shirt. 

Cas had no problem with that and hummed, sliding a hand down Dean’s chest and resting it on his hip for a moment. Dean was a remarkably good kisser and Cas felt himself stir in his pants, hurriedly unbuttoning his pants and kicking them off. He trailed his lips down to Dean’s jaw, beginning at the space between jaw and ear and making a trail down his neck. 

“Wanted to fucking pounce on you the first time we met.” Cas muttered, sucking a small hickey onto Dean’s neck as he tugged off his sweatpants. “Hot fucking man with an attitude, would’ve loved breaking you over your desk.” 

“You should’ve.” Dean groaned, head tilted back and to the side as he slid his hands down Cas’ back and into his boxers, giving his ass a squeeze. “Got a nice ass, good handful.”

“Maybe I will next time I see you.” Cas grinned, nipping below Dean’s adam apple before he continued down Dean’s body and towards his stomach. He noted the few scars on Dean’s body as he trailed down, careful to not touch them so he wouldn’t be set off. Reaching Dean’s stomach, Cas paused and yanked off his boxers. He had an idea that Dean would be hung but coming face to face with his magnificent dick was a whole other story. 

Dean glanced down at Cas and propped himself up on his elbows, eyes glittering with amusement. “Told you I had a nice dick. You gonna suck it or do we take this to the bedroom?”

“When’s your roommate coming back?” Cas asked, eyes still glued to Dean. He was hard and stood proud, precome beading at the head and rolling down the shaft. If he had to guess, Cas would say Dean was maybe about 8 or 9 inches.

“Won’t be back all night but the couch is small.” Dean said as he pushed Cas off of him and got up, winking at Cas before sauntering off to the bedroom. Cas, not one to waste time, grabbed his clothing and followed Dean in. 

The door shut behind them. 


	15. Worth It? Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has not been edited at all. Also the finale still has me in a state of shock. Anywho, enjoy!

The first thing Dean felt when he woke up was a headache, a dull aching pain splitting his head in two like an axe and wood. He dimly recalled drinking quite a lot the previous night but a lot of it was fuzzy, a black haze that he couldn't quite seem to remember. The second thing Dean felt was a solid mass of flesh underneath his head and a distinct thumping. It sounded like a heart but Dean wasn’t sure, still groggy with sleep. 

Pushing himself up so he could turn around and see just what he had been laying on, Dean’s eyes widened. Laying in his bed, butt ass naked and sleeping soundly was the man who had ruined his life. He looked relaxed, his face soft and the perpetual scowl replaced with the softest of smiles. Dean had no idea what they had done the previous night so he slowly eased himself out of bed and made his way to the mirror by his closet. 

His hair was ruffled and spiked up like someone had tugged at it, trails of hickeys from his neck all the way down to his inner thighs. Turning around and glancing at himself from behind, his eyes widened when he noticed the handprint still red on the curve of his ass cheek and the tiniest of hickeys on his shoulder. Standing for so long brought a wave of pain over Dean and he was very acutely aware of just how far they had gone the previous night. Dean just prayed Cas wouldn’t wake up any time soon. 

“I did a good job last night, I’m proud of my handiwork.” Came a low deep voice as Cas began to wake from his sleep, grinning a shit eating grin at Dean from his spot on the bed. “I especially like the handprint on your ass. I’m assuming you don’t remember much of what happened last night.”

“I don’t remember a thing.” Dean mumbled, turning around to face Cas and awkwardly cover his lower half with the sheet. 

“Relax, I had your dick in my mouth last night so it isn’t like it’s something I haven’t seen before.” Cas chuckled. “We did that, I ate you out, and then I fucked you for a long while in several positions. You did this thing with your legs that I’ve never seen before.”

“I can’t believe I fucked you last night.” Dean muttered, running a hand over his face. “We need to forget this ever happened. I don’t want to remember that I gave in and fucked you.”

“Well I’m fine with that, it would make my life much easier. I’d rather not explain to Claire why her teacher is suddenly around so often.” Cas sighed as he got up, stretching his arms. “Now last night you did agree to talk to me about your dad but I know you weren’t sober then. Are you still willing to talk to me about that?”

“It’s too early for this but you’re going to keep annoying me if I say no so yes, I’ll talk to you about it.” Dean sighed, pulling his own clothing back on. He wasn’t sure if Cas had seen the massive scar on his back given how dark it had been and he prayed the other man hadn’t. 

“Okay, good. Do you want me to leave?” Cas asked as he picked up his clothing and began to dress again. “That’s a stupid question, you definitely don’t want your roommate to see me.”

“Yeah, you should definitely leave.” Dean agreed, opening the door of his room and practically pushing Cas out. 

Garth had come home by then and made eye contact with Cas, eyebrow raised as he watched Dean push him out of the apartment rather quickly. His eyebrow was shrill raised by the time Dean turned back around. “So, you and the asshole D. A fucked last night. That’s a new one. Can’t say your taste in men is getting better.”

“I was drunk, he was drunk.” Dean muttered, swiping his mug of coffee from the table. “And apparently I'm talking to him about all the shit that happened to me now.”

“Dude, you were so against him and talking. What changed?” Gath asked. 

“My dad called me.” Dean muttered. “Pretty much said he’ll get off scot free and then come ruin my life again. I’m really not okay with my life being ruined again and he won’t stop so I figured it’s better to go along with it. I don’t have to like the guy and I don’t but it's better for everyone involved.”

“Whatever you say.” Garth shrugged. 

~

The drive from dean’s apartment back to his own home in Baldwin Heights wasn’t a long trip but it was more than enough time for Cas to think about everything. It appeared the apology had actually worked and Dean had at least agreed to speak with him. It was mild progress but it was good enough for now. What preoccupied Cas’ thoughts, however, had very little to do with his case and everything to do with the man at the center of it. 

Dean Winchester had great taste in whisky, that much was for sure, and he didn’t seem to be a lightweight which did concern Cas slightly. There was no way Dean was an alcoholic but he did drink regularly. More than that, it was the way Dean got when he drank and was apparently looking for a hookup. He had quite the vulgar mouth and if Cas was being honest, he certainly didn't mind hearing all of that in bed. 

That was the other thing that really got to Cas, what they had done during the hookup. Dean had been pushy and aggressive with Cas, yanking his clothes off and pulling him down. Cas was pretty sure he still had finger marks on his hips. Truthfully Dean’s mouth was a bit of a hindrance, even with Cad admitting he liked it at some points. There was a difference between saying fuck me with your massive dick and being just rude or unnecessarily forceful. It was probably just the alcohol though. Dean’s body was something else though, something that left Cas aching for more. It was beautiful, freckles dotting him like stars in the sky and just enough muscle to feel it rippling underneath his hands. And the way Dean moaned, like he was totally giving everything he had over to the other person. 

Dean Winchester was intoxicating. 

Castiel wanted more of Dean, wanted to dive in and explore every nook and cranny that man had to offer up to him but there was something holding him back. It was the way in which Dean had acted sober, that cagey afraid look that spoke of walls that needed to come down if he was to flourish. And that scar on Dean’s back, where the hell had that come from? Had it been small and hardly noticeable, Cas wouldn't have given it a second thought but the fact that it ran from nape to tailbone and followed Dean’s spine spoke of a trauma that Cas just knew haunted Dean to this day. 

Cas seemed preoccupied as he walked into the living room, glancing over at Claire and Jimmy. Claire was fast asleep next to Jimmy’s side, Harold tucker under her arm and her hair splayed wildly across the couch. Jimmy looked sad, his eyes tired and exhausted, and his smile had faded into a tired line.

“You look awful, what happened?” Cas asked as he sat down on the armchair across from Jimmy. 

“Well Dean broke up with me which doesn’t surprise me but it still hurts. Said he had too much going on with you and the case and that it wasn’t fair to me. He still wants to be friends so that’s cool I guess but it still hurts.” Jimmy sighed, pausing to examine Cas. 

He was still wearing his clothing from yesterday and they were rumpled, not a typical style for Cas. More than that was his messy hair, the spikes as if someone had been running their hands through it and tugging at it. Peering closer, Jimmy saw the faintest of hickeys peeking out from Cas’ collar. 

“Who’d you hook up with last night? He asked Cas. “Must have been good if you let him give you hickeys and tug your hair like that.”

Cas paused and fixed his collar, chewing his lip as he glanced at the ground. This was not good, Jimmy really didn’t need to know it had been Dean. Especially after the whole breakup situation. “Just some guy, it really doesn’t matter.”

“You’re a remarkably horrible liar for a lawyer. Clearly it’s someone we both know judging by your expression, it’s someone you definitely shouldn’t have slept with. So cut the bullshit and just tell me. I’m a grown man, I can take it.”

“Dean.” Cas muttered quietly. 

“Repeat that, I don't think I heard you right.” Jimmy said, his voice cold and on the edge of anger. 

“I said I slept with Dean.” Cas mumbled, much clearer this time. 

Jimmy paused and a change washed over him, his expression calming though his body had tensed and looked ready to fight. “All of my life, you’ve done this to me. You took Aaron, Louis, Amelia, and now you decide to go after Dean too. I don’t understand what I ever did to you to deserve this.”

“Amelia came onto me, you forget that. To be fair I also thought I was bi at the time and she was gorgeous.” Cas sighed.

“That’s not the point, Castiel! The point is that you always take things away from me. Dean was the first guy in a really really long time that I’ve actually felt a connection to and not only did you drive him away from me, but you slept with him too! Do you have any idea how selfish you are?”

“I am not selfish and it was an accident, we were both drunk! Besides, you two had broken up anyway so it isn't like I actually stole your man.” 

“At least you can't get this one pregnant and then get stuck with a kid you didn’t want.” Jimmy muttered. “So I guess that’s a small mercy.”

The air in the room seemed to vanish and Cas felt the weight of the tension bringing him down. He didn’t care that Jimmy was angry at him but bringing Claire into it was low and he was pissed. Just as Cas began to speak, the quietest of little voices broke the silence. 

“You didn’t want me?” Claire whispered, her big eyes brimming with tears. 

Cas froze, his eyes widening. Claire wasn’t supposed to hear that, she wasn’t supposed to know. What could he do now to try and stop the tears, to try and reassure her that everything was okay. His silence spoke volumes and Claire got off of the couch, still clutching Harold tightly in her arms. 

“I go into my room now. I don’t want to see you anymore.” She mumbled, wiping away the tears before she fled to her room. 

Cas turned to Jimmy and his eyes were full of fury, a barely contained rage etched into the lines of his face. “Do you have any idea what you just fucking did?!”

“Well I just ruined my niece's life and yours as well.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair as guilt washed over him. “Go talk to Claire, I’m going to leave. I have a lot to think about and I don’t want to deal with you blowing up on me.”

Cas felt his eyebrow twitch in anger and he let Jimmy walk away from him and out the door before he turned and rushed to Claire’s room. Cas had only been scared a few times in his life but they were pale in comparison to the way his heart leapt out of his chest at the thought of Claire hating him. Everything he had done in his life he had done for her, the last thing he could afford was to lose her. Claire made him happy when no one else did. 

He made his way into Claire’s room and sat on the bed beside the small shaking lump under the covers. Seeing the shaking and hearing the sobs broke his heart and he lay down, wrapping his arms around her. “Claire, cupcake, let me see your face. We need to talk about what happened and what you heard uncle Jimmy say.”

Claire peered out from under the blankets and sniffled, tears still falling for her now red and puffy eyes. What Jimmy had said had shocked her and she was still trying to process things. All she had ever known was Cas and that he loved her, that he had wanted her, and no everyone was telling her otherwise. She didn’t understand it, it confused her. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Then just listen.” Cas said as he began to run his hand through her hair. “You were a surprise to me and your mommy but that doesn’t mean that we didn’t want you. I was scared when she told me we were going to have you, I wasn’t ready to be a dad. Then I saw you at the hospital and I held you in my arms and I knew that I wanted you. You’re this part of me, part of my soul is part of your and I would never trade that for anything in the world. I love you, Claire.”

Claire was quiet as she contemplated what Cas was saying and eventually she nodded her head, the tiniest movement. She didn’t completely believe Cas and the feelings inside of her had jumbled up like a twisted ball of yarn but she didn’t care about them. Cas had explained himself and admitted that he did want her. “I still don’t want to talk but I don't hate you.”

Cas knew he wasn’t going to get much more than that and he let it be, staying with Claire until she fell asleep. It was going to be a long day and so would the next day. 

~

_ “Dean, this is your new roommate. His name is Lee. He’ll be staying with us for a few months, please do your best to be nice.” Said the woman as she opened the door to the small room Dean had been staying in.  _

_ The room itself was sparse, a bed and a dresser against the wall with a desk beside them and on the other side of the room a similar setup. The worn carpet was soft on Dean’s bare feet and the threadbare blanket underneath his legs rustled against his jeans. He hadn’t expected a roommate so soon after he had driven Benny Lafitte away. After all, Maple Hills Home for Troubled Youth wasn’t exactly a five star resort.  _

_ Dean had arrived just before his fourteenth birthday and it was currently three months before his fifteenth birthday. He had expected his father to come bail him out after the shoplifting charges had gone through but apparently he didn't consider Dean family anymore. Getting caught for stealing food had been pathetic. John had called him useless and ungrateful, had left him alone in the system while he galavanted off with Sam to God knew what corner of the country.  _

_ The other boy looked to be about Dean’s age with shaggy dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. The rough way in which he seemed to carry himself, with rigid posture and hard look in his eyes, read to Dean more as a scared boy trying to act tough than someone who actually knew what rough life was like. The boy said nothing as he set his threadbare duffel on the spare bed and removed what few personal items he had: a worn flannel, a leather bracelet, and what looked like a picture of his family.  _

_ “You don’t look like the kind of kid who should be here.” Dean remarked, leaning forward on his bed and discarding his used copy of Cat’s Cradle. It had been the only book the home had allowed him to get and it was well loved, the spine faded and shredded with the front and back covers nearly falling off.  _

_ “Nice to meet you too.” Lee muttered, shoving his clothing in the drawer before sitting on his bed and observing Dean. The boy across him seemed rough and tough, hard eyes set with an even harder jaw and scarred hands that spoke of years of rough living. What cued Lee in even more to Dean was the way in which he constantly rubbed his nose and curled in on himself, as if he were trying to project himself but also seeing a fix. He had to be a junkie, or an ex junkie in this case.  _

_ “What do they have you in for?” Dean asked curiously. _

_ “They say I was spray painting and vandalizing some public schools in my town. I didn’t do it. Real reason is my mom. She thinks getting me sent here is gonna somehow pray the gay outta me.” Lee shrugged. “You look like you’ve been here a while, what got you sent here?” _

_ “Shoplifting. Stole a bunch of food and some guard got freaked out when he saw a fourteen year old tweaking. Old man did fuck all, just abandoned me here and fucked off with my kid brother. And this is gonna be a dumbass question, but what the hell is being gay?” _

_ Lee raised an eyebrow. This kid, Dean, had to be joking. There was no way he didn’t know what being gay was. “You’re kidding right” _

_ “No, I’m not. My dad never taught me none of that stuff, never even finished high school. They’re making me do classes now so maybe I’ll pass, I dunno.” Dean shrugged. He didn’t like the way Lee was acting. It wasn’t weird that he didn’t know what being gay was, plenty of people didn’t know what it meant.  _

_ “It means I like dudes, like want to fuck dudes.” Lee replied. “Like gay girls want to fuck girls and I want to fuck guys. I’m not bi so I don’t want to fuck both and I’m not ace so I don’t want to fuck no one either.” _

_ “I feel like fucking a guy would be weird.” Dean muttered, subconsciously rubbing at his nose. His eyes were closed and he was flashing back to his father, back to that first night on the cold street and that woman who had been so gentle with him. He hadn’t liked it, hadn’t liked when anyone paid for him, but especially not when there were men who took an interest. The men were different, they were cruel to him. Some liked to shove him against the brick walls and wrap their hand around his throat while others thrust into his mouth so hard he thought his jaw would break. The worst were the men who didn’t even want him like that but instead wanted to hurt him, to beat him until black and blue bloomed onto his skin and until blood dripped down his clammy body. _

_ Slamming back into reality, Dean felt Lee’s hand on his shoulder and he pushed it away. He said nothing else and moved away from the boy. Besides, it was supper time anyway.  _

The memory seemed to fade as quickly as it had arrived and Dean glanced down to see his hands trembling. Shoving them in his pockets, he glanced out at his classroom and at the students who were eating. He was in his classroom, he was a teacher. There was no one using him, no one forcing him into something that he didn’t want, it was just him and the children that he was shaping into fine citizens. Glancing down when he felt a tug on his flannel, his eyes met Claire.

“Can I talk to you?” She asked quietly, her normally bright eyes duller. Dean assumed she hadn’t slept or that something was wrong at home with her and Cas. 

“Of course you can. What happened?” Dean asked, a look of concern on his face. This was enough of a distraction, he knew the memories wouldn’t come back while Claire was asking his advice and having a crisis. 

“Uncle Jimmy said that Daddy didn’t want me.” She frowned, hugging Harold to her chest. “I cried a lot and daddy told me he did want me. Who do I believe? Why does my chest hurt so bad?”

Dean pursed his lips, a frown falling onto his face. He had suspected that Claire had been a bit of an accident but this only confirmed it and it made his heart ache. No child should ever have to go through wanting to know if their parents actually wanted them, and the fact that Dean himself had experienced that only made it all the more real. What he wanted to do was pick Claire up and hug her tightly but he knew it wasn’t allowed. A male teacher, especially kindergarten one, would have all sorts of accusations thrown his way if it ever got out that he had done that. 

“Well, I don’t know the whole reason as to why your daddy and your uncle were fighting but I think your daddy loves you a lot. He makes sure you have food and nice clothes and that you got a good school. He also gives you lots of hugs and cuddles which is very important,” Dean said. “And your chest hurts because that’s where your heart is. When you get sad your heart hurts and the only way to make it better is to talk about it sometimes or to get lots of hugs. I’m sure your daddy’s heart hurts sometimes too, so he deserves hugs.”

Claire nodded her head and listened to what Dean was saying, smiling a bit at the end. “I never thought daddy could get sad. I will hug him lots. Thank you Mr. Winchester.”

Dean smiled and let Claire run off when the bell for recess rang and began to clean up the classroom, sitting back in his chair and pulling out a creased photo from his wallet. Thumbing over the faces of the boys in the photo, he smiled bittersweetly and began to reminisce. 

_ It had been a few months since Lee had moved into Dean’s room and the two of them had settled into a sort of routine. The two sat beside each other during classes and during meals, Dean always getting the leftover slices of Lee’s pie and Lee always stealing Dean’s mashed potatoes. Things took a turn on Dean’s fifteenth birthday.  _

_ They had had birthday pie that night, cherry as it was Dean’s favourite, and he had truly felt like someone had actually cared. Becoming accustomed to life at Maple Hill had been easy for him but what was not easy were the feelings he was grappling with. He had been cold to Lee the past few weeks, ignoring him and avoiding him as much as possible.  _

_ Returning to his room after the meal, Dean had just planned on going to bed and getting a good night's rest. What he found instead was Lee sitting on his bed, looking directly at him with an expression that Dean couldn’t quite read. Fighting the lump in his throat, Dean sat down and looked Lee in the eyes. “Why are you on my bed?” _

_ “Why have you been avoiding me?” Lee replied, not moving from where he sat on Dean’s pillow. “I haven’t done anything to piss you off and we’ve really become good friends so I don’t understand the whole cold shoulder.” _

_ Dean swallowed hard and shook his head. He could lie and make up some excuse or he could tell the truth and risk everything. He didn't want to do either and so he did nothing, sitting silently as he continued to look at Lee. Lee was more than welcome to make a move, to try anything to get Dean to spill. _

_ “Oh, I see how it is.” Lee muttered. He seemed irrationally angry and paused before he threw the leather bracelet down in front of Dean, the same one he had had at the very beginning of his stay. “Well I want you to have this for your birthday even if you've decided that you don’t feel like associating with me. Believe it or not, I actually like you and we both know we've bonded since I got here.” _

_ “I like you, that’s the problem.” Dean muttered, taking the bracelet and slipping it onto his wrist. “I don’t want to like you, not like this. You’re gonna be out of here soon and I’ll never see you again and then I’ll just be some random guy from your past. I can’t deal with that. I don’t want to deal with it.” _

_ “We’re friends, of course you like me.” Lee said, eyebrow raised. Dean’s true admission had flown straight over his head. _

_ Dean looked like he was at a loss for words and he glanced down at the bedsheets before looking back up at Lee. It was now or never. Lee wasn't going to get it and Dean needed to admit to himself that it was okay for him to feel this way. He needed the affection, craved it just as badly as he craved the cocaine he had been on for so many years. Dean’s heart was racing in his chest and he took a deep breath before he leaned and closed his eyes, pressing his lips to Lee’s.  _

The final bell of the day is what snapped Dean back to reality for the second time that day and he ran a hand through his hair. He wouldn’t be where he was today without Lee and while part of Dean missed him desperately, he knew it was pointless to try and track him down after everything that had happened between them. Dean seemed preoccupied with his thoughts and only looked up in time to see Cas staring down at him. 

“You need something Mr. Novak?” He asked, choosing to pretend that they hadn’t drunkenly hooked up a few nights ago. “I’d like to get home as soon as possible today.”

“We need to meet to discuss the ongoing case, I was just hoping we could arrange a date to meet.” Cas replied, actively choosing to forget what they had done as well. The last thing he wanted was feelings to complicate things further. 

“I’m busy all week and I’d rather not discuss it on a school night. I am free Friday night if you are, I’m sure we can figure something out. Maybe talk to me when Claire isn’t around. Speaking of, she confided in me about a fight you and Jimmy had. I’m assuming it was partially my own fault.”

“It was less your fault and more of a I ruin everything for Jimmy kind of deal.” Cas shrugged. “He’ll be fine in a few days, he just needs to cool off. And for the record since we’re being so candid, I really don’t think we should act like our night together didn’t happen. Ignoring it is only going to allow it to fester and to make it worse and besides, I rather liked it.”

“I’m not going to acknowledge it right now considering I’m at work and it’s wholly unprofessional. I also don’t want to acknowledge it and make it public considering you are the lawyer working on my fathers case and it would only make things much harder for you and everyone involved if word of our little dalliance got out. Not only that but Claire needs her father right now and introducing someone else into the daily really isn't going to help her feel emotionally secure and loved. You’re also not out to her and I really don’t date men who aren’t out to their kids.”

“Fair enough I suppose. Friday night it is, we can meet at Ziggy’s at say 8 or so and talk for a few hours.” Cas suggested. 

Dean nodded his head and watched Cas leave, turning back to thumbing at the worn leather bracelet on his wrist. The memories of his father and of Lee were beginning to become a lot and he really needed a break from it all. Cas, as brusque and emotionally unavailable as he was, was at least trying to help Dean with all of it. Even if his help was misguided, and it seriously was. More than that, Dean couldn’t deny that he had felt amazing after the hookup and that Cas knew what he was doing. 

Dean wasn’t sure if Cas was worth the pain or not. Not yet. 


	16. The Ghost of Relationship's Past

Dean knew something was wrong when he woke up on Friday morning. There was an ache deep in his bones, a weary feeling that left him fatigued and empty on the inside. It could be the lack of sleep or the horrific night terrors that continued to plague Dean but he didn’t think that that’s what it was. To Dean, this feeling was one of foreboding. Whatever was coming was not something he was prepared to deal with. 

Climbing out of bed, he scooped up a shirt from the pile of mostly clean clothes on his desk chair. Slipping into it and into some pants, he paused to assess how he looked in the mirror. The bags kept getting worse, their colour deepening and the folds seeming to increase with each passing second. He almost laughed when he noticed his cheekbones, Garth would be getting on his ass about eating properly again. 

Dean was quiet as he made his way into the kitchen, relieved a fog day had cancelled all classes. Taking the day to sort through his feelings before he met with Cas would do him a lot of good. Garth had made their morning coffee and slid Dean a cup along with a rather hearty breakfast. “You need to eat, you’re getting heroin chic again and it isn’t a good look on you. Or on anyone for that matter.”

“I’ll eat when this trial bullshit is over.” Dean muttered, picking at the pancakes on his plate. “I’m meeting with the D.A at Ziggy’s tonight to go over a bunch of the stuff. I gotta figure out what I have to talk about and what I don’t have to talk about.”

“Glad to see that you’re helping in the case but Ziggy’s is pretty public and that is some serious stuff you’re talking about. Besides, he might take this as a date and try to put the moves on you again.” Garth chuckled. “He seems pretty interested in you given what you’ve told me and what I’ve seen.”

“Oh he’s definitely interested in me, he stares at my hands every time we meet and then he usually looks at my lips.” Dean chuckled. “He sort of had a bit of a falling out with his brother because I ended things with Jimmy and then like immediately slept with Cas. I’ve been thinking about whether or not I want to actually pursue something with Cas and I just- I don’t know yet.”

“Well I don’t think it’s a good idea given that you are a witness in his case and are technically related to who he’s prosecuting. And yourself know how he had no regards for your feelings initially. Are you really sure that you want to date an emotionally constipated man with a small child?”

“Date, God no. Sleep with, one hundred percent yes.” Dean replied. “I’m not ready for something serious right now and I don’t think he is either. That being said, he’s incredibly hot and incredibly good in bed from what little I do remember. I’m tired of just random hookups and I know he’d be down for kind of friends with benefits. Frenemies with benefits if you will.”

“Dean, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard but you’re a grown man and I’m not going to stop you from doing what you feel is best for you. Just don’t get hurt, please. I’ve picked you up too many times after a nasty ending to want to do it again.”

“I promise I’m not gonna get hurt.” He nodded, pausing when he heard a knock at the door. “I’m gonna assume that that’s Sam, I’ll get it.”

While Dean had been expecting Sam at the door, he was the farthest thing from what Dean opened the door to. Firstly, the visitor was a woman. She was short and athletic, long dark hair framing her face and a familiar demure smile on her face. Glancing up at Dean, she waved. “Hi Dean.”

Dean’s eyes were wide and his stomach twisted into painful knots at the sight of her. The last time he had seen her had been just over five years ago and he had been a very different man back then. “What do you want?”

“To talk, obviously. Can I come in or are you going to shout me away?” she asked, her arms crossed over her chest defensively. Dean stepped aside to let her in and Garth made a hasty excuse before he left, leaving the two of them alone in the kitchen. 

“You have five minutes to explain yourself, that’s it.” Dean muttered, tapping the watch on his wrist. 

“Well, I’m living in town now so there’s that. I got a job working at the school as a guidance counselor so we’re going to be colleagues which requires a degree of civility. I thought I would be nice enough to warn you ahead of time so you didn’t completely lose it. That and I have a kid now, he’s about five or so.”

Dean raised an eyebrow but tempered his reaction, biting his tongue to avoid insulting her. “Okay, glad to know that you’re going to be ruining my work life. Glad to know you have a son too but that really doesn’t affect me in any way. If that’s all, I would love for you to leave as I am rather busy at the moment.”

“Let me rephrase since you’re clearly still as dense as you were when we were together.  _ We  _ have a son.” She said, the malicious grin on her face spreading as she watched the realization slam into Dean like a ton of bricks. 

Dean felt a myriad of emotions slam into him and he had to lean against the wall to try and catch the breath that had been knocked out of him. There was no way that she was telling the truth, it had to be impossible. He would have known if he had a kid, especially if he had had a kid with her of all people. 

“You’re lying, you’re a lying fucking bitch.” Dean hissed, his first instinct to react angrily. “We used protection, there’s no way any kid you had is mine. It’s whoever the fuck you cheated on me with.”

“Dean, I assure you that Ben is absolutely without a doubt your child. And you were using protection, I was not.” She grinned, pulling out her phone and bringing up a picture of Ben. Ben was an incredibly adorable child with bright green eyes and dark brown hair, the same grin as Dean and the same paint splatter of freckles across his face. 

“You- you told me you were on the pill! Why the hell would you lie about that?!”

“Well I wanted to stay with you for the foreseeable future so I figured a child was the easiest way to ensure that. Of course I didn’t know back then about your dalliances with men. If I had known, I never would have done it. I just thought you deserved to know about the son that you’re never going to meet. You wanted children so badly so enjoy knowing that the one you have won’t ever know who you are. He won’t ever catch a baseball with you, won’t ever hug you, won’t ever call you dad.”

Dean didn’t even know how to respond to what Lisa was saying and he unceremoniously shoved her out of the apartment, slamming the door before sliding down the wall and burying his head in his hands. He didn’t know what to feel as he felt his body begin to shake, hands trembling as they slid into his hair. The shock of the revelation and Dean’s already troubled mind shot him down another rabbit hole of memories. 

_ It had been a particularly cold January and the wind howled outside the walls of Maple Hill. snow slamming into the fragile glass of the windows and quickening the beating of Dean’s heart. They had told him today that it was his last day, that someone was coming for him, and he was terrified. He couldn’t go back to John, not after everything he had done. Anything would be better than that, even freezing to death in the storm outside.  _

_ Dean grabbed the clothing he had stored in his dresser and shoved it into his duffel bag hurriedly, already covering the food and water he had managed to sneak from the kitchen and the pantry. He had about a hundred dollars in cash and while it wasn’t a lot, it was enough to get him somewhere that was far away from this place and his father. Zipping the bag quickly, he pulled on his rundown combat boots and tugged on the winter coat that was just a little too tight. Planning on escaping under the cover of darkness, he made his way over to the window and began to fiddle with the latch. The maelstrom outside had iced the latch shut and he winced as he tugged at it, the sharp metal cutting into the delicate flesh of his palm. He was a caged animal mounting one final attempt at escape from his life of helplessness and victimization. _

_ Before he could even make a dent in the ice covering the latch he felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned around to face a woman, someone he hadn’t seen before. She was short and pleasantly plump, blonde hair tucked behind her ears and a warm sort of feeling around her. “You poor thing, look at your hand. That must hurt something awful.”  _

_ Dean nodded his head and while the fear told him to run out of the room, something about the gentle way in which the woman spoke disarmed him. She led him away from the window and had him sit on the bed, palm out in front of him. Dipping a cloth in some water she gently cleaned Dean’s hand and bandaged it up.  _

_ “You must be scared that where they’re sending you is going to be just as bad as where you came from but I promise you that it isn’t.” She murmured, handing Dean a wrapped Werther's caramel. “I hear that you're going to a nice family who live close to here. The mother is a social worker and the father runs an autoshop.” _

_ Dean didn’t trust her but he hadn’t had candy in so long that he didn’t think twice about accepting it and popping it into his mouth. “I don’t know where they’re sending me but if it’s back to my father then I’m just gonna run away again. Only thing I care about is my kid brother, Sam. Last I heard he was with my dad. I just want him to be okay, my dad’s a monster.”  _

_ The woman just smiled and directed Dean’s attention to the doorway. Dean looked up just in time to see a familiar face and awkward mess of limbs fly at him. He knew who it was instantly and immediately wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly.  _

_ “Sammy.” He murmured, pulling his little brother closer to him. “I can’t believe you’re here, how are you here?” _

_ Sam didn’t reply for several minutes as he held onto Dean, face buried in his shoulders. It had been two years since they had seen each other and both boys had only ever dreamt about this chance again. “We’re getting adopted, Dean! They want both of us, we won’t be with dad any more!” _

_ “Wait- what? How in the hell did they get you away from dad?” Dean asked as he pulled away, glancing over at the woman who he knew was now his adopted mother. “How did you pull this off?” _

_ “Well, your father was investigated by cps after Sam confided in a teacher and I was assigned to his case. He went into the system where he mentioned you and your situation and well, my husband and I decided that you boys had had a hard enough life and we don't want to separate you two.” _

_ Dean raised an eyebrow, hardly able to believe what had happened. He didn’t trust the woman and it all seemed too good to be true but Sam looked so happy that Dean just couldn't bear to ruin it for him. So Dean nodded his head and that night he left Maple Hill for the final time.  _

Dean had no idea how long he had been sat against the wall, only that his phone was now buzzing and that his head was aching. Running a hand over his face to brush away any stray tears, Dean sniffled and picked up his phone to answer it. He quickly realized that it was Cas and that he didn’t sound too happy. 

“Dean, it’s 8 and I don’t see you anywhere. I would have appreciated a heads up if you were going to cancel on me. I could be spending time with my daughter right now.” 

Had Dean been in the right headspace he would have responded rather snarkily but all of the energy had drained out of him. What came out was the voice of man incredibly down on himself and ready to give up. “I’ve had a bad day, I forgot. I’m sorry. Not really in the right state to drive right now.”

Cas had been prepared to unleash on Dean but the sheer misery in the other man’s voice caught him off guard and he went strangely silent for a few minutes. Clearly something serious had happened and Cas wasn’t sure if Dean was alone or had someone with him or what the other man would do. Dean wasn’t exactly the most predictable man. 

“You sound like absolute shit right now. Is your roommate around?”

“No.”

“Do you want to be alone right now?”

“No.”

“Then I’ll be there in a few minutes and don’t try to argue. I know I’m an asshole but you really shouldn't be alone right now.” Cas said as he hung up and made his way out to the car. 

Dean set his phone down and shook his head, getting to his feet and unlocking the apartment door before he sat down on the couch. He made sure to rub his eyes to clear up any stray tears and did his best to act like he hadn’t just disassociated for several hours. Dean hadn’t expected Cas to show up so soon so the sound of the door opening startled him and he looked up to see Cas. 

“Wow, you actually own something that isn’t a suit and looks kind of good.” Dean chuckled, lamely trying to act like everything was okay. Truly he did like what Cas was wearing, the button down and slacks made him look good. He was less of an unapproachable brick wall and more of a down to earth dad. 

“Must be bad, you're using lame humour to deflect.” Cas observed as he sat down beside Dean. “You could just act like you hate me again and like I’m being a dick who’s going to make fun of you but you clearly need to talk so go ahead, I promise I’m listening.” 

“I have a kid I didn’t know about.” Dean mumbled, running a hand through his hair. “I dated this woman like five years ago and I thought we would end up together but shit hit the fan and we broke up. She came to me today and dropped the bombshell that I have a five year old son that I’ll never ever get to know.”

Cas had been expecting something about nightmares or a call from Dean’s father, not the soap opera-esque bombshell that he had a secret lovechild of some kind. He was silent for a few moments as he began to process what Dean had just told him. 

“Well shit, that really sucks. I’m sorry to hear that.” Cas replied slowly, trying to formulate what to say without coming off as robotic. “Do you have any idea why she decided now was a good time to drop this on you?”

“Well she’s moving here and has a job where I am so I guess she’s just trying to ruin my life again.” he sighed. “We were really close to each other, I was ready to propose, but then I told her that I was bi and somehow that ruined her image of me. She said that she wanted to have a kid with me and that she had to try and trap me before I came out. We used protection- well I did anyway and I just don’t know how it happened.”

Cas felt his stomach twist a bit and there was an air of nausea around him. He had no problem with Dean being bisexual but the idea that Lisa had reacted so horribly to it and had essentially just tried to send Dean down an even farther spiral spoke to how awful she was. “I’m sorry that she reacted so horribly to who you are and I’m sorry that you’re just finding out about your son right now. Clearly she just wants to antagonize you and goad you into doing something that will make you feel worse.”

“I know she wants to make me spiral and I’m trying not to think about it but it's so hard. I’ve always wanted a child and I just never thought it was in the cards for me so finding out that she has a kid, has my kid and won’t let me see him is just so hard for me.” Dean mumbled.

Cas nodded his head and in an awkward manner, sort of wrapped his arm around Dean’s shoulder to try and comfort him. “If it makes you feel any better, Claire's mother tried to do the same thing with me but then realized she didn’t want a baby and then left Claire with me without so much as a single word. I know it’s different from what you’re going through but I get what the shock of having a kid is like.”

“Yeah having Ben is a shock but more than that it’s the fact that Lisa hid him for so long and was so cruel about everything to me.” Dean sighed. He could feel Cas’ arm around him and while it felt nice, Dean tried not to think about it. Now was not the time to have these romantic feelings rear their ugly heads. “You said you wanted me to talk about my dad and what happened to me, right?”

“I did but you don’t have to tonight, not after the day you’ve had.” Cas said, surprised at how soft his own voice had gotten. “I’m perfectly okay sitting here with you in silence even though it is kind of weird because we aren't really dating and aren’t really friends.”

Dean nodded his head and tucked his legs up onto the couch, leaning against Cas. He knew it was weird but it just felt nice to have someone to be there while he was in such a heightened state of turmoil. “No, we really aren’t dating and we’re more frenemies than anything else. I don’t think it would be good for you if you decided to date the son of the man you’re trying to prosecute.”

“It definitely wouldn’t be good but I’m really not all that concerned with it.” Cas shrugged. “I just want to give you and your brother justice. Not everyone can get justice so I want to help whoever I can.”

“You speak like you never got justice for something done to you.” Dean said, glancing up at Cas. “Were you abused too?”

Cas paused, hesitation clear on his face. He didn’t feel like he was close enough with Dean to actually talk about it but he had also talked with Sam about it so did it really even matter? “Not physically and not to the extent that you were but yes, I was. My father was rather good at gaslighting and moulding me into exactly what he wanted me to be, to be this perfect little son with an amazing job and a white picket fence and all of that. Unfortunately for him, that’s not what happened.”

“You turned out gay and had a kid though you did end up with a good job so there is that.” Dean said, relaxing a little bit as he began to realize what Cas’ true motivations behind the case were. All he really wanted was actual justice, there was no intent to ruin Dean’s life or to humiliate him at all. 

“The point is more that I honestly just want to help you get over that horrible part of your life. I went about it wrong at first and I will admit that.” Cas sighed. “I can be hard headed and stubborn but I promise that I do actually care about you and your case. Is what happened to you why you wanted to become a teacher in the first place?”

Dean nodded his head and leaned against Cas more, acutely aware of just how close they were and how much he didn’t actually hate it. “Yeah, I just wanted to be able to help kids and to be someone that they can trust. You know, Claire is my favourite student. She’s smart and caring, even if she does have a bit of an attitude.”

“She comes by it honestly, I do have a temper.” Cas chuckled. “But she’s a sweet kid. She keeps asking me if you’re gay and if I like you which means she’s picking up on something that neither of us are.”

“Do you think she’s going to try and set us up?” Dean asked. Their conversation had shifted and Dean felt better with Cas just sitting beside him. He didn’t know if it was just that Cas had a calm aura or if it was the fact the Dean was actually starting to like Cas more than a friend but he had stopped getting so consumed by Ben and Lisa. 

“She definitely will.” Cas agreed. “Do we go along with it and let her think she’s setting us up? Or do we just tell her about us?”

“Are we even a thing?” Dean asked. “Cuz we never talked about it and we only hooked up while drunk.”

“I don’t really know.” Cas sighed. “I liked drunk kissing you and we’re practically cuddling at this point so I wouldn’t say no to it if you wanted it.”

“Well I don’t know if I like sober kissing you and I cuddle with everyone so that really doesn’t mean anything.” he shrugged, glancing back at Cas’ face. He knew that he liked kissing Cas and he knew that the cuddling was nice but he was hesitant to admit that he actually wanted to try something with the other man. After all, it would just end in heartbreak again. But Cas had come to check on him with no prior obligation to do so and that showed he had a heart. 

“Kiss me now then, see if you like it.” Cas suggested rather quickly.

Dean raised an eyebrow at forward Cas was being but he was relaxed and rather curious so he obliged. Dean leaned up from his spot nestled against Cas’ side and closed his eyes, pressing his lips against Cas’. 

Cas’ lips were chapped slightly but they felt nice against Dean’s and he couldn't help the heat that roiled in his stomach as he felt Cas kiss him back. 

It was nice, kissing Cas, and Dean knew he had crossed a line he would never come back from. Fuck the rules, he wanted Cas. 


	17. the intricacies of making love to a lawyer

Wanting Cas and drunkenly hooking up with him was one thing but this, this was something else entirely. Gone was the drunken confidence and assurance Dean had had their first night together and replacing it was something else, a sort of wavering desire as if he were afraid to want Cas like he did. 

Cas’ lips were an ever present feeling on his and Dean didn’t mind it in the slightest, choosing to focus on how they felt against his own in order to avoid the panic of thinking about what they were doing. He hadn’t the slightest idea of what to do with his hands so they rested on his thighs, sitting there and doing very little. 

Cas, used to the Dean who was vocal and grabby, pulled away for a moment, His bluer than the ocean eyes seemed to bore into Dean as if he were peeling back the layers to his soul. “You’re not grabby like last time, nor are you vocal. Are you sure that this is what you want to do with me?”

The simple act of reaffirming consent caught Dean off guard and his eyes widened just a bit at it. The last thing he had expected form Cas was explicitly asking if he wanted them to stop. He did appreciate it though and nodded a bit, searching for his voice. “Yeah, I do. I just- you're intense and I top when I’m sober most of the time.”

Cas chuckled a bit, amusement shining in his eyes as he ran a hand down Dean’s chest. “You’re allowed to try and top but good luck.”

Dean raised an eyebrow and took that as a personal challenge. That seemed to give him the spark that he needed and he pulled Cas back down for a bit of a rougher kiss, a hand tangled in his button down and the other on the back of his neck. Cas hummed and tugged off Dean’s shirt, tossing it to the side before he got up and dragged Dean to his bedroom. There he shoved Dean back onto the bed and climbed on top of him, running his hand down his chest and hooking his thumbs in his belt loops.

“Someone’s aggressive.” Dean chuckled, groaning breathily when he felt Cas’ stubble graze the skin of his neck and then the other man’s teeth tugging gently at his earlobe.

“I told you that I take what I want.” Cas mumbled, shifting to yank off Dean’s pants and settle back down on his thighs. Trailing his lips from Dean’s ear to his neck, Cas decided to have a little fun with it and sucked a small hickey onto the space between the two of them. Dean seemed so responsive under him and it was incredibly enjoyable for Cas. 

“So you do.” Dean murmured, tugging off Cas’ shirt and tossing it away before glancing at his chest and humming. “Looks like someone’s ripped, good thing I like muscular men.”

Cas almost rolled his eyes at that and continued to nip down Dean’s neck, getting Dean to tug at his hair. As he dragged his lips, Cas could feel Dean’s heart pulsing under his lips and that sent a thrill through him. The other man was already hard in his cartoonishly immature scooby doo boxers and his heart raced like the beat of hummingbird wings. 

Cas said nothing as he continued his trail downwards, lips dragging across the planes of muscle and the jutting bone of Dean’s hips. They had left the light on so Cas could see every faded scar on Dean’s body and the obvious stresses it had been under. Getting to the line of Dean’s boxers, Cas grabbed his hips and flipped him onto his stomach. Before Cas could register what he was seeing, he gasped and pulled away from Dean. 

Dean had been fine until he felt Cas flip him over and then he tensed, tensing even more when he felt Cas pull away and heard him gasp. It was then that he realized his mistake: the lights were still on. Dean pulled his legs close to his body and turned, sitting up with his back to the wall as he desperately searched Cas’ face for any kind of emotion. The first thing Dean saw was shock and horror and then he wasn’t sure if it morphed into fury or sadness, just that Cas’ eyes looked dark and stormy. 

To say Cas had been shocked was an understatement. He had known that Den had uttered some horrific abuses but seeing that scar, the way the jagged flesh curved with his spine that far down his body brought the entire ordeal hurtling back to reality. This man had been hurt beyond what anyone should have had to deal with, no wonder he was so jagged and such a mess all of the time. There had been pity at the beginning, but the pity was quickly replaced with a fiery rage that burned in the pit of his stomach. “Who did that to you?”

Dean had to take a second to collect his thoughts and he blinked slowly. He hadn’t wanted to have this conversation with Cas, not in a professional context and not a personal one either. He had hoped he would have more time but then he had gone and been stupid, had let his dick do the thinking for him. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Cas’ expression hardened before it softened and he sighed, running a hand through his hair. He reached for their stray clothes and handed Dean a shirt. “Here, put this back on. I can tell you’re uncomfortable now.”

Dean mumbled a thank you and pulled the shirt on before glancing back at Cas, letting out a long sigh. “I was hoping we wouldn’t have to have this conversation so soon. Guess that got sent down the drain pretty quickly. Still don’t want to talk about it but I know it’s gonna haunt me and you if I don’t.”

“I’m not forcing you right now. If you mention it, you do it of your one free will.” Cas said as he pulled his own clothing back on and sat down beside Dean. he made sure to keep some distance between them in case Dean was uncomfortable with any of it. 

“It was my father, obviously. But it was someone else too, they call her Billie. She leads the Reapers now, I think. Clearly I’ve been out of the circuit for a while.” Dean explained. He paused and closed his eyes as he did his best to recall the memory. 

~

_ Maple Hill had never felt like home to Dean, not in the beginning anyway. The old farmhouse had been too big, too isolated, too cold. It had felt cramped and tight when the first boy moved into his room and that had translated into nightmares and outbursts serious enough for Dean to be moved into a single room, a luxury very few of the boys could ever afford. The second boy who moved in and changed his life was Lee. _

_ From the beginning they had had a connection, a mutual respect that had bloomed into friendship and then slowly into something more. It had been innocent enough at first, stolen kisses in the middle of the night and hushed laughter when they hit their foreheads against each other. The first time it had progressed past that, Dean had remembered the feeling of Lee’s lips on places they had never been and the feeling of finally being in control when someone was with him in that way.  _

_ That first night had set a ball in motion and soon Dean was with Lee every chance he could get, stealing more than just kisses in the dead of night. One such night, as the wind howled outside the window, Dean was keeping Lee warm. The two of them were simply curled up in bed, Dean’s arms wrapped around Lee and his face buried in the other boy’s hair. Still groggy from sleep, Dean lifted his head at the sound of the door squeaking open.  _

_ “Who’s there?” He mumbled, squinting his eyes to try and make out who had appeared in the darkness. There was no reply and that sent Dean’s heart into a hammering rhythm as he pulled away from Lee and got up. He felt around for the light switch and instead his hand hit what he assumed was an arm. Yelping when he felt a hand grab his arm tightly and force him onto the floor, he felt the wooden boards hit his nose and felt the sharp shooting pains racing up his arm. _

_ “I’m almost sad you don’t recognize me. They wouldn’t let me see you, you know. What kind of world do we live in where a man can’t even see his own son?” _

_ The voice did nothing to calm Dean down and instead only quickened the racing of his heart. His father wasn't supposed to be here, he wasn't even supposed to know where Dean was. “W-what do you want?”  _

_ “Well, Dean, you are fifteen now and I feel that it’s high time we properly initiate you into our little family. You’re well aware that reaper's mark each other with a small scar at the nape of the neck. But are you familiar with what they do to disgusting things like you?” _

_ By then Dean was shaking under John’s steady hands, arm aching and breath caught in his throat. He knew what was coming and he was terrified. This pace was supposed to be safe, he wasn’t supposed to be facedown and scared like a little child. The silence did little to help his case and Dean felt someone else yank his head up. _

_ He came face to face with a tough looking woman who realized had to be Billie. “What we do is extend the line. You’ll be marked like this forever so everyone will know about your persuasion. No one will ever want you once they see the mark, you’ll die alone as you should.”  _

_ Dean wanted to fight back, knew that someone would come running if he screamed but he was frozen in fear. All he could do was lay there and bite down hard on his tongue. They would leave once the jobs as done, he just had to endure it.  _

_ “I do this because I love you, Dean.” John said as he cut through Dean’s shirt with a pocket knife and exposed his back. Already marred by scars, Dean’s back was no stranger to belts or blades but this was different. This blade was long and wickedly sharp and Dean felt the cool metal press into the nape of his neck. At first it was cold and then pain began to prick the back of Dean’s neck, as if a cat were slowly digging its claws into the soft flesh.  _

_ Dean began to scream when he felt his skin splitting open, the knife peeling the flesh back and hot blood dripping warmly down his side. Billie held Dean down as John carved a long line flush with his spine, a look of cruel ecstasy on his face. Once the line had been cut, Billie let Dean's head fall back to the ground and the blade clattered to the floor with a metallic thud. Sobbing and shaking with the pain, Dean looked up just in time to hear John wish him a happy birthday before he passed out. _

_ ~ _

Dean was trembling by the time he finished explaining where the scar was from, his arms crossed over his chest and his vision blurred though he didn’t know if it was from keeping them closed or from tears. Recalling the memory had been hard enough but doing it in front of another person added a whole other level of shame. 

Cas had gone stone still as Dean explained everything and by the time he had finished, Cas was nearly shaking from the rage that consumed him. The sheer brutality on which John Winchester had acted was indescribable and the way in Dean had been victimized when he truly thought he was free was enough to turn Cas’ stomach. 

Cas made sure Dean saw him moving and he moved slowly, wrapping his arms around Dean and pulling the other man flush to his body. “There’s nothing I can say that’s going to make the pain go away or erase what happened to you. What I can do is use what you’ve told me and make sure your father faces those charges. It’s getting late and we both have work tomorrow, I should get going.”

With that Cas pulled away and got off of the bed, picking up a stray sock and tucking it into his pocket. While Cas cleaned up, Dean wormed his way under the covers and tried to calm down. Initially he felt calmer but the farther away Cas got, the harder Dean’s heart seemed to hammer and it was then that he realized. He wanted Cas to stay.

“Cas?” Dean whispered, his voice caught in his throat. 

Cas paused and turned around, a surprisingly concerned look on his face. 

“Will you stay?”

There was a singular moment of silence between the two men and without so much as a word, Cas set his bag down and crawled back into bed with Dean. He had never done this, never cared enough about someone to stay. It was a first for the both of them and as they fell victim to sleep, both knew their lives were changing.

~

The night had grown cold and stormy and while the wind howled outside, a storm was brewing within the hearts of men. Ziggy’s was all but deserted, a single woman sitting at a corner table nursing a gin and tonic. Spread across the wooden table were documents and pictures, files upon files pertaining to both the Winchester family and Castiel Novak. Glancing up at the sound of footsteps, the woman smiled and gestured to the empty chair across from her. “You look good, Lisa.”

“So do you. It seems splitting from the Novak’s really did you wonders.” Lisa replied as she sat down, setting her bag on the floor beside her. 

“It certainly did.” She smiled. “How’d it go with Dean today? Did he fall apart like you thought he would?”

“Well he was shocked to see me, that’s for sure. I don’t think he’s forgiven me for reacting as badly as I did when he came out.” Lisa chuckled. “I told him about my new job at his work and about Ben and he lost it. He cursed me out, just about started crying, and has to be seriously spiralling right now. I really hope I broke him and made him useless.”

“Well him and Castiel hate each other and his other support systems have all been busy so he is most certainly spiralling. I’ve been gathering all of the files and things that the prosecution has for John and they do have a lot. It won’t be easy to win the case but we can do it.”

“I assume you have a plan now that I’ve revealed myself to Dean.”

“I do. It’s simple really. The day before Castiel brings the case to trial, I show up on his doorstep. I ask to see Claire and he says no. I then proceed to get angry and let it slip that she isn’t actually his kid but his brother’s. That revelation and just seeing me again will be enough to seriously shake him. Once he’s thrown off his game, he’ll see me in the courtroom and fall apart even more. I have this entire thing planned out bit by bit. There’s nothing that could possibly go wrong with it.”

“Oh that’s evil.” Lisa grinned. “Is Claire actually Castiel’s kid though?”

“Considering I fucked him and his brother around the same time, I honestly have no idea.” She shrugged. “Not that he needs to know that.”

“Well, consider me impressed. I’m glad we met, this partnership has proven to be incredibly useful. Once we get John off, everything will fall into place. I’ve done my part, just do yours now.” Lisa said. 

“Obviously I’m going to do my part.” She muttered, running a hand through her hair. “I know Castiel has thought about me. I broke his little heart and then dumped that accident of a child on him. He’s had a reminder of me for the last five years.”

“Good. Glad to hear it, Amelia.”


	18. Gotta Call Maury

Sharing an apartment with someone you considered to be a best friend had multiple benefits and perks but just as many shortcomings as Dean was beginning to realize. Knowing your roommate for many years meant there were few arguments and few secrets between the two of them but that the things they really disagreed on were rather serious. 

One of those things was Castiel, as Dean had found out when he had pushed the lawyer out of his apartment at five in the morning. Expecting a few minutes of quiet and of relief at not being caught, those aspirations quickly faded when he saw Garth almost glaring at him from the kitchen. “Dean Winchester, this is the fourth time that that lawyer has spent the night in our apartment. You’re supposed to let me know whenever you have someone spending the night so that I don’t get consistently blindsided by it.”

“Well it didn't mean for him to spend the night this time, or really any of the other times. I freaked out yesterday because of Lisa and then he came over to check on me and we just kind of ended up in my bed. We didn’t sleep together again, don’t you worry.” Dean replied, reaching for his cup of coffee. 

“Still want a heads up but I guess I can’t fault you for that.” Garth shrugged. “Are you two actually like a thing now? I know you kinda wanted to not do that cuz he was apparently a dickhead and he is on your dad’s case.”

“I really didn’t want to cuz yeah, he is a dick but I sort of can’t help things right now. There’s just something about him beneath the surface, like there’s an actual human being buried under all of the roboticness and muscle.” Dean hummed. “He has so much muscle, like full on shredded as hell washboard abs muscle. And he’s actually kind of sweet when I’m having a crisis which is weird.”

“I told you that your type was shredded men with emotional availability issues but no, you said I was so wrong.” Garth muttered. “So you two are just gonna fuck around until after the case and then date? Cuz it seems like it's really headed that way for the two of you.”

“I kind of want to but I don't think he’s down for that at all. He has this thing where he doesn't want his daughter to find out about him dating people, especially men I’m assuming. So I’m gonna do the emotionally and mentally unhealthy thing of fucking around with him until he ends things because we’ve both established by now that I do not make good decisions romantically.”

“I’d tell you to not be an idiot and avoid getting hurt but we both know that that isn’t going to happen so just be safe when you do fuck around.” Garth said before he shuffled off to get ready for work, leaving Dean alone in the kitchen with his thoughts. 

Relationships had never ended well for him, regardless of the gender of the person. Cassie had ended in the friendzone, Lee had just upped and vanished, Lisa had dumped him after he came out to her, and now there was Cas. He was the worst out of them all. They didn’t have a relationship, they weren’t even dating, but Dean knew that he was falling hard for the other man. It wasn’t the lack of interest or emotional unavailability that scared Dean about it- it was the fact that Cas already knew every deep dark secret about him. He knew all of it so why was he still around?

Not that it mattered, Dean had far too much to think about and had far too many small children to entertain in a few hours. 

~

Waking up next to Dean was beginning to become a bit of a habit and Cas couldn't help but chuckle internally at it. The other man’s bed was certainly far more comfortable than his own and he certainly didn’t mind holding someone in his arms, someone who wasn’t a squirming five year old girl. He had surprised himself by checking on Dean the previous night, by actually showing the tiniest bit of humanity for someone who wasn’t family. 

Things were beginning to complicate and Cas didn’t know where he would end up when the dust finally settled. He enjoyed being able to hold someone, being able to kiss them and love them, even if the label hadn’t been attached yet. Distinctly aware of just how blurred the line between them had become, Cas was tempted to pull back from Dean. It felt like too much too fast, an intense sort of feeling that left him reeling whenever he thought about it. 

This feeling of falling so hard was consuming him, preoccupying him enough to ignore Charlie when she walked into his office. He didn’t realize she had come in until he heard her clear her throat. “Hello, earth to Castiel. Kind of want to talk to you right now.”

Glancing up, Cas looked almost sheepish and offered an apologetic half smile. “Sorry, Charles. I’m kind of preoccupied if you can’t tell. What’s on your mind?”

“I met someone, that’s what’s on my mind.” Charlie said as she shoved Cas’ files to the side and sat on his desk. “So I get the same coffee order every morning at exactly 6:47 in the morning and for the past few weeks there’s been this really hot barista that I’ve seen making my drinks. Well I went in today and not only was my drink already ready for me, but he gave it to me and gave me her number. I know this isn’t a lot but this feels like something I’ve been waiting for all my life.”

Cas raised an eyebrow in surprise but nodded his head. Charlie wasn’t typically one to fall in love so easily but given the rough streak she had been having lately, he wasn’t surprised that she had seemed so excited. “So, what’s this barista look like? And what’s her name? You know that I have to vet everyone you date to make sure they aren’t a bounty hunter or a wanted criminal.”

“That was one time.” Charlie muttered. “And she isn’t a criminal so you can chill out. Her name is Dorothy. She’s like crazy tall with dark brown hair and like two full sleeves. I wanna know where else she has tattoos.”

“Okay, maybe don’t get horny at work. But I feel you there, the guy I may or may not be seeing has two sleeves too and like a full leg piece.” Cas hummed, unable to stop the grin from spreading on his face as he thought of Dean’s tattoos and what they had been doing when he had seen them. 

“Oh you’re grinning, damn good for you! That’s your hookup grin. You have to spill all of the tea now, I need to hear about this guy.” Charlie grinned. “And don’t try to bs me because we both know you’re terrible at lying.”

“Alright, no bullshitting.” Cas chuckled. “He’s tall and insanely handsome, like one of those guys who’s pretty but still masculine and he’s got these insane green eyes. There’s two tattoo sleeves, ones like monsters and the other is angels which I think is kind of cool. He’s got a good amount of muscle and he is phenomenal in bed, like a pornstar I swear. His laugh is kind of contagious and he’s just really sweet.”

“He does sound pretty hot. What’s his job and what’s his name?”

“A kindergarten teacher… and Dean.” Cas mumbled.

“Dean… like the Dean who Jimmy-”

“Yeah, that one.” Cas sighed, cutting Charlie off. “It all started out as an accident and it’s just been getting more serious and I don’t know what to do any more. Like I like him a lot but it’s complicated because of work and Claire and just- help me.”

“First off, that’s really a dick move but I’m not gonna judge you any more. Secondly, don’t go public until after the case or it’s gonna fuck everything up for both you and him. Lastly, Claire is gonna be chill if you say you’re dating someone so don’t even worry about that.”

Cas sighed and shook his head but he knew Charlie was right. He hated when Charlie was right. Beginning today something else, Cas cut himself off when he noticed a woman leaning in the doorway. Charlie heard the pause and saw how he tensed, immediately getting off of his desk and leaving the office. 

The woman smiled and sat down, her perfectly manicured nails clacking against the wood of the desk. Her coiffed blonde hair fell in ringlets and she smiled her perfectly infuriating smile, teeth too white and too perfect. “Hello Castiel, it’s been a while.”

“Not long enough.” Cas muttered, eyes narrowed as he glared at her. “What the hell do you want?”

“To talk with you, obviously.” She laughed. “I want to see Claire and I came to see you. I miss you, Cas, honestly.”

“You miss me? That’s a fucking riot if I ever heard one. And you’re not going to see Claire, not ever.” Cas replied. “So unless you have a legal matter you’d like to discuss, I’d like you to leave my office.”

Amelia paused for a moment and she began to grin. Cas had played right into her perfectly manicured clawed hands. “Well that’s just disappointing because I was so hoping we could resolve this without any animosity. Unfortunately it seems we can’t. I have some papers for you.”

With that, Amelia handed Cas a large stack of legal papers and grinned as he read through them, the light in her eyes growing as she watched his fade out. The papers were quite simple, a court summons dictating that Cas would need to attend on a specific date at a specific time. More than just the court summons it was the simple fact that the topic of the court battle was custody over Claire. 

“You absolute raging cunt.” Cas muttered as he scanned the documents, the anger in his chest growing. “You signed away your rights to Claire, you have no legal grounds for wanting 50/50 custody like that. And knowing you, this visit isn’t just to give me a court summons. There’s another reason you want to see me.”

“Look at you, just as perceptive as ever.” She chuckled. “There is a reason I wanted to speak with you that wasn’t just about the summons though it is about Claire,  _ MY _ lovely daughter.”

Cas raised an eyebrow, slowly beginning to unravel what she was playing at but refusing to show any emotion. “Considering I raised her and considering the fact that I am very very sure we had sex in order to have her, she should be  _ our _ daughter.”

“Here’s the thing, Castiel, she isn’t actually your kid. In case you forgot, your brother and I used to be an item. I distinctly recall sleeping with him just before we slept together… So you’ve been taking care of your niece for five years now.”

Cas wanted to respond but his brain hadn’t quite caught up, still stuck on the fact that Claire might not be his daughter. All of his adult life he had only been sure of one thing: that Claire was his daughter and that he loved her. Sure Castiel understood that Amelia was a raging narcissistic cunt but there was no reason she would lie about something like that unless she was trying to distract him from the case at hand. 

“Amelia, get the hell out of my office.” He muttered, gesturing to the door. “I entertained you enough and I’m rather tired of it. There’s no way to know for sure who the father is so this is just a ploy to distract me. Please just get out of my life.”

“I’ll see you on the 30th.” She grinned, winking at Cas before she left the office and closed the door behind her. 

There was a singular moment of silence before Cas got to his feet and swept everything off of his desk with a shout. He said nothing as he kicked the stack of papers over, doing his best to rage without hurting anyone or anything. All of it was too much at once and he didn't know how to handle it. The logical part of him told him that Amelia was lying that she was trying to distract him and get him to fail at the case and at being a father but the other side of him, the emotional broken man couldn’t help but wonder if what she was saying was true. Was Claire really even his kid?

The feelings consumed him for much of the afternoon and plagued him as he made the drive from work to go pick Claire up. He thought that he was good at displaying a neutral face but the second he laid his eyes upon Dean, the façade crumbled. The hard pressed smile faded into a deep set frown and the hardness in his eyes dissipated, leaving nothing but a scarred and conflicted shine. Dean noticed it almost immediately and he frowned, shuffling over to Cas and leaving Claire to play with another girl. “Something happened to you, are you okay?”

Upon the realization that lying to Dean was pointless, Cas shook his head. “No, I’m not okay. It looks like you’re not the only one experiencing ex and kid trouble.”

“So either Amelia wants custody or you found out that Claire’s not your kid.”

“How about both and the idea that she could be Jimmy's kid on top of everything.” Cas sighed, running a hand over his face. “She served me with court papers and then proceeded to tell me that Claire could either be my kid or Jimmy’s which really doesn’t sit well with me. I just- how the hell do you process something like that? Like what the hell am I supposed to do if I find out that Claire isn't actually my kid and that I’m not her dad.”

Dean’s frown deepened and he took Cas’ hand, leading him down to the desk and having him sit. He knew it was risky having Cas so close, especially with Claire in the room, but it was a risk he was willing to take to make sure Cas was okay. “Well, I’m really sorry that that got dropped on you. Truly that is a metric ton of fucked up. I don’t know a lot about law but there’s no way Amelia can actually get custody back of Claire if you are her dad.”

“Yeah but if Claire is Jimmy's kid then I do lose custody and I can’t even bear the thought of that. I’ve devoted almost six years of my life to Claire and I would rather die than give her up to anyone.” Cas muttered. 

Dean took a risk and reached forward, tipping Cas’ chin down a bit so he could look right at his face. “Hey, look at me and listen. You have raised Claire all of her life so regardless of whether or not you are her biological dad, you will always be her father. She is always going to love you and always going to see you as her father. I cannot see a reasonable judge giving Amelia custody of Claire based off of what little you’ve told me. You’re not gonna lose Claire, Cas.”

Cas felt the roughness of Dean’s fingers and the tenderness of the gesture caught him off guard. He hadn’t thought they were so public about everything and while part of it terrified him, part of it brought some form of comfort to him. Dean was right about how Claire would feel and it did help a bit but there was still a lingering sense of unease. “I’m sure you’re right, I just don’t know what I’ll do if I lose her. She means everything to me, Dean.”

“I know she does.” Dean murmured, brushing a thumb across Cas’ cheek before pulling his hand away. “You have my number, you can always call me if you want to talk more about it. Well, you can just call me for whatever I guess.”

A small smile quirked at the corners of Cas’ mouth and he nodded his head a bit. “Yeah, thanks. I’m gonna go home with Claire. Gonna try to explain what’s going on with her mom. Can I call you later if something happens?”

“Yeah, of course you can.” Dean nodded, waving at Claire before watching Cas scoop her up and leave with her. The idea of Cas calling him just to talk sent a thrill through him. Maybe they could have something more?

Claire was strangely quiet until Cas set her down in the car and then she grinned, unable to hold it in any more. “I saw Mr. Winchester hold your face. Does that mean that he likes you like a grownup? Will you date? Do you even like boys?”

“Okay Claire, that’s a lot of questions for me to answer.” Cas chuckled, though his laugh was uneasy. “I do like boys, he does like me, and we might date later.”

“Okay. You seem sad, why are you sad?” She asked. “Do you want to hold Harold?”

Cas just sighed and shook his head, saying nothing until he got inside with Claire. That’s when he stretched out on the couch and pulled Claire into his arms, holding her tightly and running a hand through her hair. “Do you remember how I told you that your mommy left after she had you?”

“Yeah.” Claire nodded, frowning and holding Harold close to her.

“Well your mommy came to see me at work today and told me that she wants to take you back. She wants you to live with her so that I don’t get to see you any more.” Cas sighed. “I don't want that to happen.”

Claire’s eyes widened and she shook her, burying it in Cas’ chest as she began to sniffle. “I don’t want to go! Don’t make me leave!”

“I promise I won’t let her take you, cupcake.” Cas murmured, doing his best to soothe Claire as he held her. The panic in Claire’s voice only made Cas feel worse and he swore that he would do whatever it took to keep Claire with him, regardless of whether or not she was his actual kid. He held her tightly until he felt her calm down and slip into sleep. He set her down to make supper and paused, debating for a second before he pulled out his phone. Cas had meant to text Charlie but instead he found himself texting Dean, a spur of the moment decision he knew he might regret later. 

**Hey, uh- do you want to come over for supper? Claire could use some cheering up and I could use some company. If not, no worries, it’s cool.**

Dean had just come out of the shower when he heard his phone buzz and he glanced down at the screen, eyebrow raised when he realized it was from Cas. Sure he had expected something from Cas along the lines of a phone call but an invitation to dinner was a bit much? Especially one that involved Claire and being in Cas’ home. He debated even going but then realized that it would be a wasted opportunity if he didn’t go. 

He got dried off and dressed, putting on something a bit nicer than what he wore to work before grabbing his keys and heading out. About halfway through the drive he realized Cas hadn't given him his address but that Sam had mentioned it a few times. It was in the nice part of town, far away from Dean’s cheap apartment in the worst area imaginable and he was curious just to see exactly what Castiel’s home looked like. 

He hadn’t expected much when the door to the house opened but the first glimpse inside proved much of what he had assumed wrong. It looked homey, blankets thrown over the couch and photos all along the wall. There were several bookshelves in the living room chock full of what Dean imagined to be law books and he smiled a bit at seeing a few of Claire’s toys on the floor. Shuffling into the kitchen , Dean smiled warmly at Cas. “Gotta say, this is much better than a phone call.”

“Well it was just going to be a phone call but then I fucked up and told Claire that her mom wanted her back. She isn’t having a great night and aside from Charlie and Jimmy, you're her next favourite person.” Cas shrugged, glancing up at Dean. He could see Dean had clearly tried to put something nice on, humming in approval at the visible tattoos on his forearms. 

“Well, I’ll take that as a compliment.” Dean chuckled. “I somehow figured that you lived in one of those god awful minimalist houses so I’m really glad to see that you have photos and books and an actual personality.” 

“You calling me boring?” Cas asked, eyebrow raised. “Because I think you out of everyone would know that I’m not boring. Also, total side note here, but Claire definitely thinks that we’re dating. She saw the whole hand on the chin thing earlier. What was that anyway?”

“Just a habit I guess, I get touchy.” Dean mumbled defensively, a faint flush on his cheeks. “I’m sorry if you didn’t want Claire to think we were a thing. I mean- I know we don’t have any labels on what we are right now but I think we should. I want something concrete so I don’t have to keep worrying.”

“Well Claire thinks we’re dating but I can’t be public about that until after the case and God knows how long that’s going to take but I do want to be with you in some capacity. I know I’m attracted to you but I don’t know if it’s romantically or just physically. I guess friends with benefits is the best title at this point.”

Dean hadn’t been expecting the kind of answer where Cas immediately called him a boyfriend but friends with benefits hurt more than Dean cared to admit. Friends with benefits was nothing but physical attraction, meant nothing could really happen between the two of them and it turned Dean's stomach. He knew then and there that what he felt for Cas went beyond just physical attraction and it worried him. 

“Yeah, friends with benefits. I can do that.” Dean mumbled. 


	19. Schrodinger's Relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has not been edited and it's short, apologies in advance.

“So, it’s Sam right? Like Dean Winchester’s kid brother, Sam?” Charlie asked as she shuffled up to the man at the coffee cart, grabbing a Styrofoam cup. 

“Yeah, it is.” Sam nodded, eyebrow raised as he passed her the creamer. “You’re Castiel’s friend. It’s Charlie, right?”

“It is Charlie, thanks for remembering. I want to talk to you about some important stuff so follow me outside. There’s less prying eyes plus Cas can’t get mad and threaten to murder me for being nosy.” 

The idea of Cas being capable of murder didn’t even remotely phase Sam and he nodded, following Charlie to the park bench outside and cradling the comically small cup of coffee in his hands. “So this is about Cas and Dean then.”

“Yeah. It’s called they’re both idiots and they’re both too blind to see what’s really going on behind the scenes.” Charlie sighed. “Cas has really bad blood with his ex, Claire’s mom Amelia, and she showed up a few days ago. She said that Claire might not even be his kid which kind of got him all fucked up and there’s no way she’s doing it just to fuck with him. The bitch is crafty; she has another plan in the works.”

“She could just be an awful human and I would be inclined to believe you but Dean just had a weird experience with his ex too. He dated this chick named Lisa for years but she kind of dumped him after he came out as bi. Anyway, she showed up earlier this week and told Dean he has a five year old kid that he’s neve gonna be able to see."

“First off, fuck her for being a biphobic bitch.” Charlie muttered. “Secondly, that’s not a coincidence. I think Amelia was going to law school last I heard but that was years ago so it’s very possible that she’s just looking for a job in town. But I can’t see her trying to get Cas to fall apart for just no reason so there’s something else I’m missing but I don’t know what it is.”

“Well Lisa’s a conniving bitch too and I’m pretty sure she was involved in gang activity while she was with Dean so do you think it has to do with our father and Cas prosecuting him?” Sam suggested.

Charlie had to pause and chewed her lips as she considered what Sam was saying. The realization hit her like a truck and her eyes widened. “You just hit the nail on the fucking head, Sam. Amelia was going to school for law and she has to be the one representing your father! That would explain why she wants to fuck with Cas, she wants him to lose the case. As for Lisa, maybe she knows Amelia and like teamed up with her?”

“It wouldn’t shock me if they did team up. Do you think we should tell them about it or is this just speculation? Cuz just speculation would result in a massive headache for everyone.”

“We can’t tell them without proof. Cas would blow up on me and everyone else if we made any kind of accusation and I don’t know Dean but I feel like it wouldn’t end well if you confronted him about it.” Charlie sighed. “How about we get coffee and discuss this out of the office?”

Sam nodded his head and threw his Styrofoam cup into the trash before he followed Charlie out of the offices and across the street to the little café in the corner. The café was relatively busy and Charlie looked around expectantly, the widest of grins settling on her face when she saw her favourite barista. Naturally her order was ready by the time Charlie stepped up to the register and she smiled. “There’s my favourite lawyer.”

“And there’s my favourite barista. Are we still on for Friday night?” Charlie smiled. 

“Naturally. You promised me a Mario kart tournament and I intend to beat you into the ground.”

Charlie chatted for another minute or so before she shuffled off to find a table for her and Sam, watching Sam order his coffee. Sam stepped to the counter and that’s when he noticed the sign denoting that the barista serving him was deaf. He had to scramble for what little asl he actually remembered from college, forgetting about the phone stashed in his back pocket. 

**_Can I have a coffee with almond milk and some sugar?_ **

The barista, a short and sweet looking woman, seemed surprised that Sam knew any kind of asl and smiled as she nodded her head. She gave him his total and let him pay, her eyes widening when she saw him thank her. That sign was the farthest thing from thank you. 

Getting back to the table with his coffee, Sam grinned just a bit. “So, I see you and that barista are having a fun time. I didn’t know you were gay.”

“Samuel, you need better observational skills if you’re going to keep being a lawyer. I have short nails, bangs, and a full sleeve of tattoos.” Charlie laughed. “But yeah, been gay my whole life and damn proud of it too. I pull with the ladies.”

“I can tell you do. Honestly, I pull too.” Sam chuckled. “So that deaf barista keeps looking at me which means I probably have something stuck to me or I said something wrong.”

“Well you didn’t say thank you to her, that’s for sure. You told her to fuck off.” Charlie laughed. “Anyway, we need to figure out what’s happening with the two scheming ladies. I’ll take care of Amelia if you take care of Lisa. Just try to see what she’s up to, try and follow her if you see her. Check social media and all of that.”

Sam nodded his head, taking a sip of his coffee. “Yeah, that sounds like a plan. So, what’s Cas’ deal? Like I know he had bad stuff with his ex and that being the district attorney is hella stressful but the man doesn’t seem to have a personal life at all, like no friends and no romantic interests.”

“Cas loves Claire and his mother, that’s about it. There is some dude he’s seeing right now though, some tall dude with tattoos and green eyes. Keeps saying he’s like the hottest guy ever and it’s kind of annoying right now. Won’t even tell me the guy's name." Charlie muttered. “He tells me everything but he’s keeping this secret and it’s driving me fucking crazy.”

“I know right, like Dean is seeing this guy and he isn’t even telling me about it.” He muttered. “Like I get that he’s a private person but he doesn’t exactly make the best choices romantically. I’m worried that this guy is gonna just end up breaking his heart again.”

“Well why don’t you go visit him? School is out by now and I wouldn’t mind getting to meet him and see why Cas is so pissed off at him.” Charlie said. “Besides, I want to ask him some questions about Lisa.”

“Fair enough. Let’s get going then, he hates when I drop by unannounced." Sam said as he got up, tossing the cup out before he left with Charlie and headed out towards Dean’s apartment. 

The drive didn’t take long and Sam mulled over his thoughts in his head about everything that was going on. Dean seemed to be holding up remarkably well considering everything that was happening with their father and Sam wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t know about all of it or if it was that he somehow knew Cas would take care of it. He vaguely entertained the idea that Cas and Dean had somehow been colluding with each other but that wouldn’t make sense given how much they hated each other. 

Sam let Charlie into the building and brought her up to Dean’s apartment, eyebrow raised when he saw the door partially open. “The door is never like this, I’m kind of concerned. Just prepare your eyes.”

Charlie nodded her head and followed Sam in. There was no one visible in the apartment and Sam cringed when the door squeaked loudly. The squeak broke the silence and then a head popped up from the couch, a second head appearing as well. They both looked incredibly guilty, Cas’ hair a wild mess and Dean’s face beet red. Both of them had red lips and Charlie was fairly certain that they were at least partially undressed. 

“So, apparently they don’t hate each other.” Charlie said, almost snickering as she tossed Cas’ jacket at him. “We want to talk to you two, get dressed.”

Cas shook his head and pulled his jacket on before climbing off of Dean and perching on the edge of the couch, incredibly embarrassed and rather irritated at having been interrupted. Dean looked just as embarrassed and sat next to Cas, choosing to look at the marble patterned floor tiles. 

“I’m just gonna pretend I didn’t see what you two were doing.” Sam said, running a hand through his hair. “But, uh, we kind of figured some stuff out and it’s important for you two to hear about it.”

“I told you to knock, Sam.” Dean muttered. “I don’t really appreciate people barging into my apartment, especially when I’m otherwise preoccupied with someone. But now that you’re here and my privacy has been violated once again, please feel free to chat it up.”

“Well we figured out that Cas’ ex and yours are working together and we’re like ninety percent sure that Amelia is dad’s defense attorney. They both showed up around the same time with bombshells about kids in order to throw you two off of the case and make whatever the hell you two are no longer exist.” Sam explained. 

“You can talk to your boss about this, I’m not a lawyer. I don’t deal with shit like this.” Dean muttered as he shoved Cas and Sam out of his apartment and closed the door. He then turned to face Charlie, eyebrow quirked as he gave her along once over. “So you’re Cas’ Charlie then, interesting. I didn’t think you’d be so short but he was right about the whole flaming lesbian vibe. I’m assuming he’s told you nothing about me.”

“Well he told me that he had the hots for some buff tattooed kindergarten teacher who hated him and that’s about it so yeah, you two fucking is not exactly something I was expecting to see.”

“I wasn’t expecting to be walked in on either and to be honest, we’re really just friends with benefits. There’s no emotions involved at all.” Dean muttered. “So you think that Lisa and Cas’ ex are out trying to get my father off?”

“Yes, we do. The timing makes sense and so does their history with both of you and their history centered around the Reapers.” Charlie shrugged. “Have you met Claire yet?”

“Well I teach her, so yeah.”

“Outside of the classroom, Dean.” 

“Yeah. I got invited over for dinner the other night, it was really nice. Cas knows how to cook and Claire’s just a really sweet kid.” he smiled. “Is that supposed to mean something?”

“You do realize that he never EVER introduced people to Claire in the way that he introduced you to her. I’ve been friends with him since college and I have never seen anyone he has ever dated be introduced to Claire. Regardless of whatever boundaries you two set, it’s clear that he thinks of you as more than just a friend with benefits.” 

Dean’s eyes widened and immediately he felt his heart pound in his chest. He hadn’t thought about it like that, thought about the fact that Cas had actually introduced him to Claire in their home. There was a place for him in their private lives, a place for him in Cas’ bed, and it was too much too fast. They had agreed to no feelings, to just meaningless sex in order to protect their feelings and here was Cas undermining all of that. Was it all just a ploy? Was Cas just using him to get the information?

Dean knew he was getting too close to Cas and he needed to call it quits. This Schrödinger’s relationship couldn’t be allowed to continue. 


	20. how to unsuccessfully evade the romantic pursuits of a lawyer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the story is beginning to wrap up now, let me know how you think it'll end. I'm curious.

“You know, I haven’t seen that lawyer around here lately. Is everything okay between you two?” Garth asked. It was a Sunday morning around 10 am or so and he and Dean were both in the kitchen prepping for their monthly Sunday brunch. Traditionally, they would invite all of their college friends over for whatever the news said the latest millennial food fad was (thought they weren’t millennial themselves) and end up half drunk on the couch with their mimosas afterwards. 

Dean nearly drove the knife he was using to pit the avocados through his thumb, hissing under his breath before making his way over to the sink so he could assess the damage. “I’m done with him, so yeah it’s all fine. I gave him the information he wanted for his case and then just let him live his life.”

“You just about chopped your thumb off and now you’re refusing to look me in the eyes so you're definitely lying to me about him.” Garth sighed, taking the cloth away from Dean so he could take care of the injury himself. “You have done nothing but mope around here with your alcohol and those god awful busty Asian beauty magazines ever since you apparently stopped seeing him. You’re not okay and we both know it. So cut the shit Dean and tell me what’s really going on with you. I’m here to help you, remember?”

“Okay fine.” Dean grumbled, taking a seat on one of the wooden chairs. “Something did happen last week and it freaked me out and I just don’t know what to do. You know how well I handle stress, especially about my love life.”

“Yeah, it’s called you don’t handle it at all. You bury it underneath all your tough male posturing bullshit and it’s annoying as all hell. Now spill, tell me what’s wrong.”

“So about a week ago Cas invited me over for supper at his place. I went cuz I thought he was just being nice and we had agreed on friends with benefits only cuz of the case and our pasts and all the shitty stuff to do with relationships. Any way, Sam and Charlie kind of barged in while we were making out and then talked to us. Charlie talked about how Cas doesn’t just invite anyone to have dinner with him and Claire cuz he only likes certain people. She basically told me that Cas and I weren't just friends but were actually dating without saying it and that scared me.”

“So you ghosted the guy you want to date because he’s dating you?” Garth asked, almost unable to believe what he was hearing. 

“Well it sounds stupid when you say it but yeah.” Dean mumbled, embarrassed as he rubbed the nape of his neck. 

“Okay, I get why you’re scared. You think he’s just using you to get information and win the case and probably just using you for sex too but there’s no way that that’s actually the case. He doesn’t introduce people to his daughter at all because he wants to protect her and himself. By inviting you to dinner, I think he made it perfectly clear that he wants more than just sex.”

“Yeah, it does seem like that but I’m worried about it still.” Dean sighed. “I don’t want to open myself up and just get hurt again like I did with Lisa. If I get too attached to him and to Claire and then something happens, I know I won’t be able to handle it. That’s why I'm ghosting him. It’s easier to just end things than give it a try.”

“I can’t tell you what to do but I think you’re making a mistake by pushing him away.” Garth said, turning back to the bacon frying in the pan. He said nothing else about the situation. Dean was a grown man, he could figure out his love life by himself. 

~

Cas had been beyond embarrassed when he had been found out by Charlie and Sam. Their friends with benefits arrangement had been to preserve secrecy but apparently that had backfired and blown up in their faces. Cas hadn’t been upset about being found out though, not in the slightest. It had brought a sense of relief to him, made him feel like he didn't have to hide what he and Dean were doing. 

So if Dean felt the same relief he did, why the hell was he ghosting him? He didn’t understand why Dean was being so distant ever since the plot with their exes had been revealed. Was Dean just freaked out because of what their exes were doing or was he just afraid of what Sam and Charlie would say if they continued seeing each other? Maybe it was more than that.

All Cas knew was that in the week and a half since he had seen Dean, he had gone from happy and fulfilled to incredibly lonely. Holding Dean and being able to kiss him without fear of retribution or rejection had freed Cas, had given him something else to look forward to and now that was gone. He didn’t even care about the sex, though it had been fantastic, he just wanted to see Dean again and have any kind of relationship with him. 

“Daddy, you’re sad again.” Claire mumbled as she climbed onto the couch and stretched out on top of Cas, interrupting his train of thought. “Is it because of Mr. Winchester?”

“It is.” He sighed. It was easier to tell Claire the truth than to hide it. He knew firsthand just how hiding the truth from Claire turned out. “Things got really weird after he came over for supper a few weeks ago. He’s stopped talking to me and I don’t know what I did wrong.”

“Were you his boyfriend?” She asked. 

“Well- not really, it’s rather complicated.” 

“Then that’s the problem.” Claire said, rolling off of the couch to answer the door when a knock rang out. Charlie and Jimmy had both come over for the usual Sunday breakfast and Charlie smiled when she scooped Claire up, bringing her back into the living room. 

“You look awful.” Both Charlie and Jimmy said, giving Cas a once over and a look of pity. 

“Gee thanks, love you too.” Cas muttered as he sat up and stretched his arms. “So the food is ready, you three can go eat and then not dig into my love life like I know you want to.”

Charlie rolled her eyes and shuffled into the kitchen with Claire but Jimmy stayed behind, shaking his head. “So, I take it that things aren’t going well between you and Dean? Part of me wants to be glad and say good considering he was mine first but I’m better than that. So tell me what happened.”

“Well we agreed on a friends with benefits only thing because of the case and how close he is to it. I thought that that was all we were so everything was fine until his ex and my ex showed up and admitted stuff about Claire and about Dean’s son that kind of turned everything funky. So after that we started seeing each other more and he kind of comforted me when I was really upset about Claire and Amelia. I invited him to supper with us, didn’t think it was a big deal, but he ghosted me after that. It’s been a week and a half and I haven't heard anything from him.”

“Let me get this straight… You said only friends with benefits but then invited him over for dinner with you and Claire?”

“Yeah.”

“Cas, you are so stupid. I sometimes wonder how you even became a lawyer.” Jimmy sighed, shaking his head. “Inviting Dean over for supper with you and Claire was stepping over the boundary into seriously wanting to date territory. Like you basically asked him to be your boyfriends so no wonder he got spooked and ghosted you. He clearly thinks you’re just being nice to get all the info on his dad. Pretty sure he thinks you’ll dump him after the case and that’ll be the end of it.”

Cas said nothing as he mulled over Jimmy’s words, sighing and shaking his head when he realized how right Jimmy actually was. He had crossed the line without even realizing it and he was fine with that. Cas knew that he wanted to hold Dean even when the case was over, that he wanted to wake up next to the man and see his face every morning. He wanted the shared bed and shared clothing and the coffee mugs on the counter. 

“I didn't think of it like that but you’re right.” He sighed. “I wanted to cross the line and I did cross it without thinking of how it would make him feel. How do I fix this when he won’t answer my texts and avoids me when I go to pick Claire up from school?”

“Well you could just leave him alone but we both know that you don’t want that and neither does Claire given how much she’s talked about liking him and seeing you happier. So the only other option is to go where he lives and talk to him directly about everything. You get the chance to see him and talk to him about everything that’s been going on.”

“Okay, yeah, I like that idea. But when do I actually go?” Cas asked, running a hand through his hair.

“How about now? Charlie and I are both here to look after Claire and mom’s coming in a few minutes too. We can hold down the fort while you go get your boy toy.”

Cas nodded his head and before he could chicken out, he grabbed his jacket and headed out.

The drive to Dean’s apartment wasn’t long and Cas used to the time to try and mull over what he was going to say. Something like ‘hey Dean, can’t ghost me in person’ came to mind but he dashed that outcome. That was far too petty and in poor taste. Admitting love was an outright mistake so Cas knew he wouldn’t say that either. He could act angry and standoffish but would that really accomplish anything? It didn’t matter, he’d figure it when he got there. Though the drive was long, it wasn't long enough and soon enough Cas was in front of Dean’s door. 

Knocking took a lot of courage and Cas looked surprised when a woman opened the door. She was around his age and had short graying hair with several earrings in one of her ears. “Can I help you?”

“Yeah, I’m looking for Dean. Is he around?” He asked. 

She nodded and turned to face back into the apartment. “Dean, there’s some hot dom asking after you!”

Cas felt his face flush red and he stood there for a few minutes as he waited for Dean. Eventually he found himself face to face with Dean who had dressed in such a chaotically bisexual manner that he was immediately caught off-guard. “You’re interrupting my brunch.”

“Yeah well you fucking ghosted me and I want to know why.” Cas muttered, voice rather pointed. “I don’t think I did anything wrong or anything to deserve being ghosted.”

“I don’t want to talk about this right now.” Dean muttered, starting to close the door. 

“Well I do so we are.” Cas said as he prevented the door from closing and let himself in. He saw all of Dean's friends and Garth in the kitchen and waved before making his way to Dean’s bedroom and shutting the door behind him and Dean. Dean’s room was still a mess and he shook his head, his eyebrow twitching angrily.

“Are you going to tell me why you barged into my fucking apartment and my fucking room? I’m not exactly in the mood to talk to you when I have company over.” Dean muttered, arms crossed over his chest defensively. 

“Well I would try to talk to you over text but you seem to have lost the ability to reply to my texts or even open most of them. I didn’t do anything that should’ve made you ghost me so I don’t understand why you did. I just want to know why.”

“You invited me over for supper, that’s why.” Dean mumbled, running a hand through his hair. Try as he might, he couldn’t help but look Cas over. The other man had on a faded sweater with the logo of some university Dean didn’t recognize and grey sweats, the kind of sweats that brought all sorts of lurid fantasies to Dean’s head. 

“I crossed the line of friends with benefits so you got freaked and ghosted me.” Cas said almost matter of factly. He wasn’t angry any more, just disappointed. 

“Well you don’t just say you’re going to be friends with benefits and then immediately try and date them. We agreed on friends with benefits because it protected both of us and didn’t overcomplicate things in regards to the case and our own personal lives.” Dean mumbled, keenly aware of how close Cas had gotten to him. 

“I don’t want to be protected in my personal life, I don't want these walls up around me!” Cas replied, startled by his own outburst. “You are the first man I have actually felt doesn’t care that I have a kid and doesn’t care that my job is hard and that my personal life is incredibly messy. I’m not just going to give that up.”

“And I told you that I don’t want a relationship until after the case is done and even then, I don’t know if I want it with you.” Dean muttered, forcing himself to look directly into Cas’ eyes. Scanning them, the hurt was evident in his eyes and Dean almost felt bad for being honest. 

“Why? Why don’t you want a relationship with me?” Cas asked, refusing to back down. “You can say that it’s because I’m stubborn or emotionally unavailable or a dad but I’ll know you’re lying to me. Be honest with me Dean, I just want to know why I’m not relationship material.”

“Because you scare me.” Dean whispered, his voice catching in his throat. ”Because you make me face all of my insecurities head on and you don’t run away when I break down and fail. With you life feels meaningful, it feels like I have someone who cares about me and wants me. I can’t handle that being taken away. You’re just going to leave me and then it’ll all have been for nothing.

Cas paused and cocked his head to the side, a small frown on his face. He couldn’t seem to help himself from reaching out to cup the side of Dean’s face with his hand. “You don’t think you deserve to be saved, to be loved by anyone.”

“I-” Dean mumbled weakly, the rebuttal falling from his lips as soon as he felt Cas’ hand on his face. Had it been anyone else he would have pushed them away but this was Cas, this was the man who had wormed his way into Dean’s life and made him weak in the knees with so much as a simple smile. 

“I know you’ve gone through a lot of hurt in your life, far more than anyone should ever experience but look at you now. You’ve made a life for yourself, found friends who care about you and found a job that you excel at. You’re secure in your life and who you are as a person, even if you don’t see it. I know that it’s terrifying to let someone in again, that you’re worried they’re going to leave you like everyone else does, but you can’t let that hold you back. If you remain alone for fear of being left, you’ll never have the chance to make a meaningful connection that will last. Trust me, Dean, closing yourself off will leave you bitter and lonely.”

Dean was silent as Cas spoke, sort of shuffling backwards so he could sit on the bed. He could the callouses on Cas’ palm scratching at his face and it made his heart hammer. Dean wasn’t completely sure if it was from the truth Cas was speaking or if it was from how close they were. Either way he could barely concentrate. “Cas, I-”

“Just let me finish, Dean.” Cas murmured, moving closer on the bed as he began to brush over Dean’s cheek with his thumb. “I know my words mean very little and I know you’re worried that I’m just using you and that I’ll leave the second the case is over but I promise that that isn’t the case. I invited you to dinner, invited you into my life and into Claire’s life because I want you to be in it. You’ve changed me, Dean Winchester, fundamentally changed me for the better. You broke down my walls and you showed me that I don’t have to be alone. You showed me that I am allowed to go after things that I want. All I want is for you to experience what I feel when I’m with you.”

Dean’s eyes were wide and unblinking, his breath caught in his throat. Here was Cas, the man of stone and no emotion, confessing right here that Dean made him a better person. Dean hadn’t known just how much he had truly affected Cas and hearing that brought things into perspective. If Cas could confess like this and be so open, he truly had changed. 

Cas brought his other hand up to cup Dean’s face and leaned in slightly, so close their noses brushed against each other. “Dean… just let me in. Let me love you like you deserve to be loved.”

Dean’s breathing was shaky and his heart pounding, all of his thoughts consumed by Cas. There were rough hands on his face and soft lips so near to his that Dean could almost taste the spearmint Chapstick. He could feel the warm press of Cas’ body on his, the sweatpants brushing across his feet and his legs. More than that, he registered the space between their lips and what it truly meant for them both.

It was his choice now.

Cas was waiting, azure eyes so steadfast and deep Dean swore he would drown in them. He wanted Dean’s consent, wanted to give Dean the option of taking that final step off of the ledge and into the uncertainty of a relationship. Before Dean could consciously make the decision, he felt his body move forward. One hand slid up to rest of the back of Cas’ neck and the other on his chest just above his heart while Dean’s lips connected with Cas’, sealing the deal and taking the plunge.

Dean had never been able to resist a man so honest about his feelings. 


	21. The Trials and Tribulations of Dean Winchester

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not dead, just burnt out from exams. Sorry this kind of subpar chapter took so long.

“I still don’t understand why you’re forcing me to wear this.” Dean grumbled as he straightened out the tie around his neck, moving it so that he wasn’t being strangled. Turning back to glance at the bed that wasn’t his and the man tangled in the sheets.

“I already told you why you have to wear it, love. It makes you look professional, that’s important.” Cas chuckled, climbing out of the tangle of sheets and padding over. He reached out to fix Dean’s tie, chuckling softly as he undid the tangled mess of fabric. “It’s a big day, you’re going to finally get to testify against your father.”

“Screw professionalism if it means I have to wear this suit. I hate these things, don't know how you can stand wearing them all day.” Dean grumbled as he leaned down to kiss Cas, morning breath be damned. 

“I have several that fit me properly.” Cas chuckled as he pulled away to slip into his own suit. “So Claire’s with my mom today, Jimmy will watch her if things end up going late. You given any more thought to my offer?”

“Which offer, the panties or moving in?” Dean asked, running a hand through his hair before sitting down to pull on his socks.

“Both, obviously.”

“Maybe to the first one. Not sure you could handle seeing me in those, they hold a lot of power. And I have thought about the other offer. We’ve only been together for a few months now, don’t you think it’s a little too soon?”

“Well the way I see it is different. I know how I feel about you and we both know how Claire feels about you. I’m more than comfortable with you moving in. Besides, I know the lease on your apartment expires soon. I also know Garth is moving in with his girlfriend and that you cannot afford that apartment on just your teaching salary. So yes, I am very very sure that I want you to move in with me.”

“I really can’t afford that apartment by myself and your place does have a much nicer shower. Besides, the bed warmer is very nice.” Dean smiled, straightening out his shirt before taking a deep breath. 

The two of them had been working for this for the better part of four months, having spent three of the four months together as an actual couple. Whenever they had a spare moment between the two of them and Claire, Cas would go over the arguments he was going to make in court and the likely arguments that the defense would make as well. It had been difficult at first, coaxing Dean into being confident and resolute with his answers, but they had been working on it and now Dean was as ready as he would ever be. 

“You just like that the bed warmer has muscles and gives you cuddles.” Cas chuckled, leaning against Dean and taking his hand. “How are you feeling about this? I know you’ve been waiting years for this chance.”

“I’m nervous, I won’t lie to you. All my life I’ve let what happened define me and now I finally have the chance to close that chapter of my life and get justice. I just- I hope that we win and that he rots in prison for what he did to me.” Dean mumbled. “We’ve rehearsed so I know what to say, I just don’t want to freeze up and suddenly forget everything. I feel like I’m gonna look up and the second I see him, I’m gonna lose my mind.”

Cas frowned and turned to face Dean, hand sliding up to cup the side of his face. “Well whenever you get nervous, look at me. I am not going to let anything happen to you, that’s a promise. You know that I don’t break those.”

“Yeah, okay. Look at you if I freak. Got it.” Dean mumbled, relaxing a bit as he leaned into the touch. Maybe he could actually do this. 

~

The courtroom was dead quiet when they arrived, Dean following Cas into the chambers and taking his seat quietly in the stands. He had wanted to sit directly with Cas but unfortunately that wasn't how this case would work so he took the seat directly behind Cas, hoping that staring at his perfect ass in the slacks would calm his nerves to a degree. It seemed to help until Dean heard the courtroom doors open and saw the first glimpse of his father he had seen in several years.

John had not aged well, shaggy salt and pepper hair buzzed as short as it could. His scars had only multiplied and Dean was less than surprised to discover an abundance of tattoos on his arms, no doubt to cover the track marks and scars that had been left. John’s eyes had only hardened, their deep brown almost a glittering black at this point. As he passed, John turned his head and winked at Dean as if they were sharing some form of intimate inside joke. That simple action threw Dean off and he tore his gaze from John, dropping it onto the floor as he squeezed his eyes shut and began to try and regain his focus. 

Soon enough the judge entered the courtroom and brought Dean back to the real world just in time for the opening statements. 

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury and of the court, today’s case is not just about John Winchester and his relation to the Reaper Gang but also serves to highlight the gross miscarriage of justice that has occurred in allowing his son to suffer the repercussions of years of child abuse.” Cas began, addressing the jury primarily. “From drug abuse and gun running to prostitution and neglect, this man has had a hand in not only ruining the lives of his children but also ruining the lives of countless others. It is my job to convince you all of the fact that John Winchester deserves to be put in prison for his crimes.”

The jury said nothing and simply waited for Amelia to get up and make her own opening statement. The second she opened her mouth, Cas’ confidence plummeted to almost nothing. She was good, able to twist his words to suit her narrative and paint John as a man caught up in unfortunate circumstances. He was a victim and because he was a victim, that perpetual cycle of victimhood had extended to his children and to those around him. Amelia seemed more than content and even glanced at Cas as she sat down, her smile so sickly sweet Cas nearly threw up. 

Cas did what he could for all of the other witnesses, relentless in his questioning and his tactics as he tried to expose just how absolutely horrific John was as a person. He managed to get as much of a lead as he could before they had to take a lunch break, court readjourning in about an hour. As Cas stood outside of the court, Amelia came up to him with a smile. “You’re just as ferocious in court as ever, like a grumpy little bulldog. It’s adorable.” 

“And you’re a conniving bitch just like you were back then.” Cas muttered, turning and glaring at Amelia. “Why would you ever represent someone like John Winchester? Clearly you know how horrible a person he is.”

“Two reasons, sweetheart.” She smiled, tipping Cas’ chin up with her fingers. “One, I have no morals and no ethical qualms with what he has done and two, I like seeing you squirm and struggle. Your face when you found out about Claire and your face when you saw me in court, they were priceless. It was somewhere between nausea and disdain and it just made me all tingly inside.”

“I can’t believe I ever fucked you.” Cas muttered. “It doesn’t matter, you’re not going to win this case. I am not going to let Dean suffer any more.”

“So you’re fucking your client, good to know.” She grinned. “Not so sure how the judge would feel about that.”

Cas bit his tongue to avoid making things worse and shook his head. “And you’re sleeping with yours. You’re no better than me?”

“You think I’m the one sleeping with John, god you really are fucking stupid.” She laughed, wiping tears from her eyes. “You got the wrong bitch.”

“So if it isn’t you, then who is it? There's no other women on your team and I don't think you know any oth- oh…. Lisa is sleeping with him.” Cas muttered, his stomach beginning to turn with disgust. “How long has that been going on?”

“Good question. I’d say at least six or seven years, as long as I’ve known here that’s for sure.” Amelia shrugged. “I’m like ninety percent sure that Ben is actually biologically John’s and not Dean’s. Not that you needed to know that and not that it matters because Lisa won’t ever give him up. Anyway, I say we get back to court. It’s time for your boytoy to take the stand.”

The courtroom was dead silent when the two of them returned and they took their seats at the tables as they waited for the judge to return. Upon his return Cas rose to his feet and took a deep breath. “The prosecution calls Dean Winchester to the stand.”

Dean had known it was coming but he was still terrified, his heart beginning to squeeze painfully in his chest as he rose to his feet. He looked at no one as he made his way to the stand and took a seat, glancing up at Cas and chewing his lip nervously. Cas wasn’t going to tear him apart, he knew that, but the other man was still terrifying in court and this was still Dean’s life that was being exposed for everyone to see. 

“Mr. Winchester, if you could please explain your relationship to the defendant.” Cas asked, his manner one of cool professionalism. 

“John Winchester is my father.” Dean replied calmly, doing his bets to maintain his composure.

“Very good. Mr. Winchester here lived with his father until the age of fourteen where he was placed at Maple Manor, a group home for troubled boys in Sioux Falls. From there he was adopted by Mr. and Mrs. Singer and has spent his life in relative peace though the ghosts of the past haunt him. Now Dean, please walk me through the first time that you were physically assaulted by your father.”

“Well I was seven at the time and my younger brother was only about three. Our father had left us for several days to finish a job and hadn’t left us with enough money or food to last while he was gone. He came back to my brother screaming and crying and he hit me in the face with the back of his hand before kicking my ribs.”

Cas nodded his head slowly and allowed a moment for the jury to stew on what had been said before he continued on with his examination of Dean. Taking his time to really dig into the meat of John’s criminality and Dean’s daddy issues, Cas laid out a clear cut case that he considered to be unshakeable. Beginning with the fire and encompassing Dean’s encounters with abuse, drugs, and prostitution, Castiel laid out a timeline of John’s involvement within the Reapers and some of the more notorious of his crimes. 

Dean looked incredibly exhausted by the end of Castiel’s thorough examination and had to force himself to focus as he watched Amelia take the floor. He had always wondered what Cas’ ex had looked like and truthfully, he wasn’t impressed. Her eyes were too dull, her hair too fake a blonde, and her smile far too slimy. Though none of that impressed Dean, he couldn’t deny how uneasy she was already making him. He knew that no amount of preparation that they had done would be enough.

“Mr. Winchester, how old were you when you tried cocaine for the first time?” She asked.

“I was eight I think. And I didn’t choose to try it, my father forced me to.” Dean muttered. 

“Well that little tidbit doesn’t matter. You were hooked on cocaine from eight years old to eighteen years old. Cocaine has been known to later brain functions, especially memory, so are you really sure that you’re remembering your childhood correctly? It is very likely that you could have imagined the entire thing and that it was simply a child crying for attention.” 

“I assure you that I’m remembering my childhood correctly, thank you very much. Certain aspects are hazy, yes, but everything surrounding my father has been crystal clear. I remember every instance of his hands on me and every instance of what he forced me to do.” Dean mumbled. “John Winchester knew exactly what he was doing when he hooked me on cocaine and pimped me out on the corners. He knew what the drugs would do to me and he didn’t care.”

Amelia hadn’t expected Dean to be so full of fire and so she paused a moment before she began to switch tactics to something she knew would work wonders for her and break Dean down into nothingness. What came on was an onslaught of questions, a barrage so rapid fire that Dean began to sink into the mire of words. He could feel their sharpened points digging into him and dragging him into the valley of confusion and contradiction. Dimly aware of Castiel objecting to the barrage of questions, Dean closed his eyes and focused on pulling himself back to reality. 

That headspin was enough to throw Dean off for the remainder of the trial and for the subsequent days in which many other people testified against John. In total the trial took about a week of solid testimonies and arguments and on the day of the verdict, Dean was sitting in the stands with his hands clasped so tightly in his lap he had lost the feeling of three fingers. It all came down to this, this final sentence read aloud by the jurors. 

The foreman stood once the judge had entered the courtroom, a piece of paper clutched in his hand. He cleared his throat and looked out across the courtroom, deliberating seeking out Dean’s anxious gaze. “After much deliberation, we have reached a unanimous consensus. We, the jury, find the defendant, John Winchester, guilty on all counts.”


	22. Epilogue

In the months following John’s convictions and subsequent life sentences without parole, Dean’s life had metamorphosed like a butterfly erupting from a chrysalis. He had been given a raise at work and now held a permanent job at the school and within the school board if he wished it. The other teachers had long since gained respect for him and his influence only grew in nature. 

Moving in with Cas and Claire had been the easiest part of it all. Directly after the trial he had packed up his things and moved in, having spent more hours playing in the box forts he and Claire had made then he did actually unpacking everything. Sure the apartment had been a place to live but this, this felt like a home. Dean was added to all of the family pictures and had a special place in their home; a place warming Cas’ bed and a place warming Claire’s heart. 

Ben had been a bit of a surprise but a welcome one nonetheless. Dean hadn't wanted to know what had happened with Lisa, he was just thrilled that he was going to be a part of Ben’s life from here on out and that Ben would get a chance to have a sibling and a proper loving family. Claire and Ben had quickly become the best of friends and Dean couldn’t have been happier. 

As Dean lay in bed, firmly snuggled up to Cas with both children in his arms, he couldn’t help but think.

Some rules were just meant to be broken. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So thank you to everyone who has read, commented, and kudo'd this work! It really means a lot!
> 
> If you want more Supernatural from me (and especially Christmas destiel), check out my new fic "So Angels Shall Whisper". 
> 
> Thanks again!


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